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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
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I viewed this recently at a Christian site and found it interesting although I still believe soul-mates exist (my own parents) and that expecting physical chemistry is healthy.

I am interested in hearing peoples' opinions on this- particularly whether you believe he is correct in asserting that people are divorcing for these reasons, and not marrying (yet) for these reasons:

"How I Know My Wife Married the Wrong Person"

Today my wife Lindsay and I celebrate our two year anniversary. Two years ago, we tied the knot and took the plunge. Two years ago, the cutest girl in Indiana was taken off the market! Two years ago, we launched the beginning of the rest of our lives. Two years ago....
And after two years, there's no hiding behind the dinner-and-a-movie facade of dating life any longer. I can't buy enough flowers to conceal it. I can't open enough doors. I can't say enough "I love you". She knows (and painfully, so do I) that she married the wrong person.
Allow me to explain (before she reads this). For quite some time now, there has been a myth floating around our idealistic individualistic society. A myth that claims that marriage will only work when you find your "smoking-hot, high-class, filthy rich, love-at-first-sight, sexually compatible, accept-me-as-I-am, Titanic-Notebook-Sweet-Home-Alabama-Twilight-esque, soul mate."
Don't believe me? Look at the message Hollywood communicates; look at the empirical evidence pointing to later and fewer marriages; research studies suggest this is a primary factor that holds men and women back from marital commitment- they just haven't found their soul mate. They believe in their heart of hearts that their match-made-in-heaven is still out there, somewhere.
Much could be said about where this mindset came from, but let's just leave it at this- Singles today (and most married couples too) are searching for super-spouses that simply don't exist. People expect far too much from their spouse in all the wrong areas.

That's why I know beyond doubt, at least by society's standards, that Lindsay married the wrong person. I'll never be quite as smart as a New York Times Best Seller. I'll never make the six digit paycheck. I'll never electrify the bedroom in the way our pornographic media culture broadcasts as the norm. I'll never understand her quite as well as we both wish I would. I'll continue to make mistakes. I'll get angry over silly stuff. I'll forget to do the dishes. I'll raise my voice when I shouldn't. I'll let pride get the best of me. And I'll probably think of myself far more than I should...Oh yeah, and my younger days as a part-time body builder, part-time male model, full-time Matther McConaughey stunt double are over. I retired this January. (Are you drowning in my self-pity yet? I am.) Look, I am not an astrophysicist. I'm not a movie star. I'm not a billioinaire. I'm just Tyler. And Tyler does not meet the standards of the Real Housewives of Louisville.
So what then is the solution? What do you do when you find yourself in a relationship with the "wrong person"? Well here are a few things you could try:


1. Every time your significant other falls short, find another. On to the next one. Then when they fall short, and they will, do it again. And again. Forgiveness is futile. Reconciliation, pointless. If they were your soul mate they'd never make those kind of mistakes. If they really loved you, they would've thought before they acted. Of course, there will be significant emotional baggage to carry with each new sexual partner. Or, there will be financial fallout dividing your wealth over and over. Or your kids may grow up with a distorted view of parenting or marriage. But sooner or later you're bound to find Mr. or Mrs. Right, right? And they'll be perfect, right?

2. Try it before you buy it. Test drive it. See if the chemistry is there and the sparks fly. Cohabitate. Allow someone into your life at the highest degree of vulnerability, and give them this priceless delicate gift without asking them to commit to you past tomorrow morning. Maybe in the process you'll find your soul mate. Let's hope they agree.

3. Avoid it all. Make it girls night out every weekend. Feed your appetite for sex when it's hungry, for community with drinking buddies, don't let anyone too close. Marriage is old news anyways. Commitment is so Generation X. No strings attached. Lock your heart up in an iron-clad dungeon where no one can reach it, and allow it to grow "motionless, unbreakable, and impenetrable". Then no one will ever break it....or capture it.

4. Or, whether you buy the biblical view of marriage or not, realize that love takes hard work. And that, as long as you limit the field to human beings, you'll never marry the "right person". Because there are no 100% "right people". Sin's presence in the world guarantees it. There are only wrong people who pretend to be right and wrong people who are becoming right, through Jesus. That's why I like the biblical image of marriage. The fairy-tale image of two soul mates finding love at last is just that, a fairly tale. But the biblical image of marriage provides something so much more beautifully realistic.

It paints a portrait of two sinners, committing to the task of one another, for the sake of one another, until death do them part. It's two imperfect people, committing to the sanctifying work of expressing Jesus' self-sacrificial love, to their lover, so that they might see him or her become the person God has always intended them to be, knowing full well that neither of them have yet reached this goal.

When you both commit to this, not only will you experience the perks of marital intimacy like you never could imagine, but you both will change. You both will become more forgiving, more sensitive, more loving, and more truthful, together.
















































Jun 13th 2013 new
(quote) Sara-979131 said: I viewed this recently at a Christian site and found it interesting although I still believe soul-mates exist (my own parents) and that expecting physical chemistry is healthy.

I am interested in hearing peoples' opinions on this- particularly whether you believe he is correct in asserting that people are divorcing for these reasons, and not marrying (yet) for these reasons:

"How I Know My Wife Married the Wrong Person"

Today my wife Lindsay and I celebrate our two year anniversary. Two years ago, we tied the knot and took the plunge. Two years ago, the cutest girl in Indiana was taken off the market! Two years ago, we launched the beginning of the rest of our lives. Two years ago....
And after two years, there's no hiding behind the dinner-and-a-movie facade of dating life any longer. I can't buy enough flowers to conceal it. I can't open enough doors. I can't say enough "I love you". She knows (and painfully, so do I) that she married the wrong person.
Allow me to explain (before she reads this). For quite some time now, there has been a myth floating around our idealistic individualistic society. A myth that claims that marriage will only work when you find your "smoking-hot, high-class, filthy rich, love-at-first-sight, sexually compatible, accept-me-as-I-am, Titanic-Notebook-Sweet-Home-Alabama-Twilight-esque, soul mate."
Don't believe me? Look at the message Hollywood communicates; look at the empirical evidence pointing to later and fewer marriages; research studies suggest this is a primary factor that holds men and women back from marital commitment- they just haven't found their soul mate. They believe in their heart of hearts that their match-made-in-heaven is still out there, somewhere.
Much could be said about where this mindset came from, but let's just leave it at this- Singles today (and most married couples too) are searching for super-spouses that simply don't exist. People expect far too much from their spouse in all the wrong areas.

That's why I know beyond doubt, at least by society's standards, that Lindsay married the wrong person. I'll never be quite as smart as a New York Times Best Seller. I'll never make the six digit paycheck. I'll never electrify the bedroom in the way our pornographic media culture broadcasts as the norm. I'll never understand her quite as well as we both wish I would. I'll continue to make mistakes. I'll get angry over silly stuff. I'll forget to do the dishes. I'll raise my voice when I shouldn't. I'll let pride get the best of me. And I'll probably think of myself far more than I should...Oh yeah, and my younger days as a part-time body builder, part-time male model, full-time Matther McConaughey stunt double are over. I retired this January. (Are you drowning in my self-pity yet? I am.) Look, I am not an astrophysicist. I'm not a movie star. I'm not a billioinaire. I'm just Tyler. And Tyler does not meet the standards of the Real Housewives of Louisville.
So what then is the solution? What do you do when you find yourself in a relationship with the "wrong person"? Well here are a few things you could try:


1. Every time your significant other falls short, find another. On to the next one. Then when they fall short, and they will, do it again. And again. Forgiveness is futile. Reconciliation, pointless. If they were your soul mate they'd never make those kind of mistakes. If they really loved you, they would've thought before they acted. Of course, there will be significant emotional baggage to carry with each new sexual partner. Or, there will be financial fallout dividing your wealth over and over. Or your kids may grow up with a distorted view of parenting or marriage. But sooner or later you're bound to find Mr. or Mrs. Right, right? And they'll be perfect, right?

2. Try it before you buy it. Test drive it. See if the chemistry is there and the sparks fly. Cohabitate. Allow someone into your life at the highest degree of vulnerability, and give them this priceless delicate gift without asking them to commit to you past tomorrow morning. Maybe in the process you'll find your soul mate. Let's hope they agree.

3. Avoid it all. Make it girls night out every weekend. Feed your appetite for sex when it's hungry, for community with drinking buddies, don't let anyone too close. Marriage is old news anyways. Commitment is so Generation X. No strings attached. Lock your heart up in an iron-clad dungeon where no one can reach it, and allow it to grow "motionless, unbreakable, and impenetrable". Then no one will ever break it....or capture it.

4. Or, whether you buy the biblical view of marriage or not, realize that love takes hard work. And that, as long as you limit the field to human beings, you'll never marry the "right person". Because there are no 100% "right people". Sin's presence in the world guarantees it. There are only wrong people who pretend to be right and wrong people who are becoming right, through Jesus. That's why I like the biblical image of marriage. The fairy-tale image of two soul mates finding love at last is just that, a fairly tale. But the biblical image of marriage provides something so much more beautifully realistic.

It paints a portrait of two sinners, committing to the task of one another, for the sake of one another, until death do them part. It's two imperfect people, committing to the sanctifying work of expressing Jesus' self-sacrificial love, to their lover, so that they might see him or her become the person God has always intended them to be, knowing full well that neither of them have yet reached this goal.

When you both commit to this, not only will you experience the perks of marital intimacy like you never could imagine, but you both will change. You both will become more forgiving, more sensitive, more loving, and more truthful, together.

















































Woah wait, what's up with #2 #3?

No test driving for me. No thank you.


Jun 13th 2013 new
Hokum. (That was easy. laughing )
Jun 13th 2013 new
I think this guy mixes his sarcasm and seriousness so much that it can be hard to tell which is which.
Jun 13th 2013 new
EXACTLY.

The article makes lots of good points, esp. in how society/TV presents relationship "norms" but he's not skillful enough as a writer to make his point clear.\

Facts:
- no one is perfect
- you love your mate in spite of his faults, because...no one is perfect.
Jun 13th 2013 new
I agree and disagree with the above comments. I agree that he closely mixes seriousness and sarcasm, which makes it difficult to interpret his message.

Yes, its a fact that no one is perfect, and we should love people in spite of their faults. However, this is a constant challenge. In some ways, I think we all fail at this, and that is why many people are single. From posts that I've read in this and other threads, we all have such long lists of our criteria of "the perfect man/woman" that we are quick to judge and fail to give others a chance. We fail to look pasts the initially faults to see any true potential.

Finally, although we may choose not to participate in options 1, 2, and 3 there are many people who rely on these options (in my generation and other generations). The increasing rates of divorce, cohabitation, and the hook-up culture highlight this. Simply saying that this is hokum is wearing blinders toward the actions of society.
Jun 13th 2013 new
Isn't the article just saying that the only real, good choice is #4?
It's the only real one I see.
He's just spelling out why the only choices don't and won't work
Jun 13th 2013 new
I agree with Roy. This is really poor writing, and I only have a vague idea what he is trying to say. I agree that he is saying that hard work and expectations of suffering are to to be expected, but after two years there should still be fun (most of my married catholic friends would say so) so I am wondering if there are other issues he has not shared.
Jun 13th 2013 new
I THINK I get his point, but its not clearly written.

Who wants to try a rewrite???
Jun 13th 2013 new
I agree that it was unclear in parts, but I think he is making the point that numbers 1, 2, 3 are not healthy options. I am not sure why he is so cynical about the idea of soul mates. When I desire a soul mate, I am not necessarily looking for perfection (as he defines it: uber sexy, filthy rich, high class....) .
I am also wondering why he is critical about having sexual compatibility. Wouldn't that naturally occur when you find a good spouse?
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