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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Jun 13th 2013 new
For all of you that did not care for the writing of the author, I completely disagree. This was a very well written piece. Every part of it is so true. I WAS married so I can completely relate to what the author is saying. My former spouse and I had LOTS of communication in regards to every point the author makes, both before and after our wedding date. Unfortunately 15 years after our wedding date his way of thinking changed to reflect the "hollywoodized" version the author scoffs.
From what I have read by CM posters in the forums, I believe that CM members are filled with "hokum", the idealistic perspective instead of the realistic perspective.
Of course there are "happy times" in marriage but the reality is that MOST of the time married life is very mundane and at times downright difficult.
Because of today's no fault divorce laws it is SO easy to just throw in the towel when the mundane and difficult seem intolerable. Just think if Christ had "thrown in the towel" when he was called by His Father to "suffer and die" for our sins.
And to the poster that suggested married life after two years certainly should have more "joy" than "sorrow"; what doesn't kill you will make you stronger. Marriage was NEVER about "happiness"; it is about "sacrifice" so that we can become more like the one who died for our sins. I can preach from the pulpit til I am blue in the face but some of you will never get it And I will leave with my favorite quote from one of my favorite saints, St. Thomas Aquinas, "Love is to will the good of another".
Jun 13th 2013 new
(quote) Matt-61677 said: I agree with Roy. This is really poor writing, and I only have a vague idea what he is trying to say. I agree that he is saying that hard work and expectations of suffering are to to be expected, but after two years there should still be fun (most of my married catholic friends would say so) so I am wondering if there are other issues he has not shared.
Matt,
It is very unfortunate that you don't get it. Hopefully, for your future spouses sake, you will "get it" before you get married. I don't believe the author has a hidden agenda or other issues he has not shared. Married life is NOT for the slacker; there is lots of hard work, which at the time seems to not produce the expected results. Men, in particular, seem to want to "rest on their laurels" when it comes to marriage. You reap what you sow.
Jun 13th 2013 new
The writer actually does a good job mocking society's "standards." And my guess is that he's actually quite happily married and working to make his marriage better every day. At least, that is what I read from his final two paragraphs. He has an awareness and a conscience. And while society may deem him to be the wrong guy for his wife, my bet is that his wife and him work hard to keep their marriage strong, even if it means going against the societal "norms" to achieve a better marriage.
My two cents.
Jun 13th 2013 new
P.S. Welcome to the forums, Sara!
Jun 13th 2013 new
Sara, thanks for posting this. I have read the other comments in this thread and don't think it's necessary to comment on the qualify or style of writing. Two points polled into my head as I was reading through the thread. 1. We are Catholics, and one of our teachings calls us to be open to life at all times during the marital act. This openness to life, and the practice of marital chastity when conception is being avoided for just reasons in the form of NFP, is one of the biggest reasons that an authentic Catholic marriage stays fresh and nourishes the couple and the individuals in the marriage. This was written by a Protestant, and Protestants as a group completely miss this. 2. I agree with one of the comments about the sacrifice of marriage. My Catholic Indian friends who have had arranged marriages get it right.... "marriage is good for society, and good for the family. We work very hard to please each other, and live well for the other, and love follows." Marriage is sacrifice, hard work, and although I am divorced w/ an annulment I was a very good wife. The circumstances were beyond my control. Thanks for posting this article. I have enjoyed reading the comments.
Jun 13th 2013 new
the purpose of satire is to effect change. satire often employs irony. irony, as defined in the movie Reality Bites, is '...when the actual meaning is the complete opposite from the literal meaning.' it's good enough for jazz and a quick post here.

the author of the original piece would have done everyone a favor by using 'Or...' as a paragraph on its own and not using the number four for his move from the satirical to the truly intended meaning. using the number four makes it seem like it should be a continution of the previous three when it's actually the 'complete opposite' of them.
Jun 13th 2013 new
(quote) Joan-529855 said: And to the poster that suggested married life after two years certainly should have more "joy" than "sorrow"; what doesn't kill you will make you stronger. 
Or, it leaves you debilitated for the rest of your life if you allow it (outside of physical ailments, of course).

I'm not fond of the article because the author blames Hollywood for the message it communicates, without acknowledging that Hollywood both influences and reflects popular culture. He talks about "research studies" but does not provide any references. He assumes that people who aren't married have had the luxury of having had someone genuinely suitable for them to find fault with in the first place. He chides persons who believe in soul mates (of which I am not one) for looking for only a perfect person, without taking into consideration that a soul mate seeker may actually *gasp* realize that there is no such thing as a perfect person. He also equates the "right person" as being perfect, which is hogwash because he'd probably consider his wife as being the right person for him.

I do like the last two paragraphs, though. smile
Jun 13th 2013 new
(quote) Joan-529855 said: Matt,
It is very unfortunate that you don't get it. Hopefully, for your future spouses sake, you will "get it" before you get married. I don't believe the author has a hidden agenda or other issues he has not shared. Married life is NOT for the slacker; there is lots of hard work, which at the time seems to not produce the expected results. Men, in particular, seem to want to "rest on their laurels" when it comes to marriage. You reap what you sow.
Joan,

Actually it's just a tiny bit unfortunate. I already know very well that marriage is not for the slacker, that there is much hard work, and I plan very much to die to myself on a daily basis so that I may symbolize Christ and our marriage may be sign of God's love. Alas on the first reading I did not read the last two paragraphs, which make the whole article much clearer...
Jun 13th 2013 new
(quote) Joan-529855 said: From what I have read by CM posters in the forums, I believe that CM members are filled with "hokum", the idealistic perspective instead of the realistic perspective.
Joan, I think anyone who hasn't been there tends to have a totally unrealistic POV. "Marriage is terrible and ridiculously difficult!" or "Marriage is so wonderful, a total union of souls!" are often heard... both correct at times and totally wrong at times. It reminds me of many people's either happily romanticized or horrifically imaged view of the Religious Life..

I haven't actually taken the time to read the article- I read the "essentially he said.." and considered that good enough. I was amused by the phrasing there anyway..

Jun 13th 2013 new
I believe Hollywood is more of a 'future reflection' of average society. People don't watch movies for average life- they want to see something crazy, something *on the edge*! So the author would be correct in a way: Hollywood is pushing us further and further down that drain in an attempt to stay 'ahead of the game'...
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