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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Jun 13th 2013 new
I just started replying to most emoticons or messages whether interested or not. However, I didn't do this until recently bc lack of response always meant to me that a person isn't interested. Now that I've learned that many ppl take more offense to a lack of response than to a short thank you/rejection note I've decided to respond. I've been surprised by the thanks ppl give for getting any response. (The only problem is that some ppl may try to keep the conversation going. At that point I stop responding.) Anyway, def recommend responding with quick thank you.
Jun 13th 2013 new
I tend to do the polite response regardless of interest, because I think it takes courage to put yourself out there.

But I have had a couple times where after my polite response, I didn't take it further, and was sent some pretty nasty messages.

In my opinion, no matter what you do, some people are going to complain. You didn't respond? Rude. You did respond but weren't really interested? Why are you wasting my time / leading me on? You responded, but not enough times or not quickly enough? etc etc
Jun 13th 2013 new
(quote) Emmanuel-940296 said: I've used this site for months, messaged several people and as a whole have done fairly well, in terms of getting responses when people are are interested in talking, or getting to know one another. That said, when I assume they're not, I've never gotten a single response, and over time I've grown to not let it bother me. It's unfortunate that you've had that experience, but what I gathered from my own was, that the person simply isn't interested and that's the end of that.

I take the approach of assuming I won't get a response to my messages, and send them out to people I find interesting. When I do get a response it's a pleasant surprise every time, as I have a new person I can get to know, and maybe establish a connection with. In a sense I think I prefer just not getting a response, because I don't need any excuses or to be told someone isn't interested in me. I know who I am, and am proud of that. If someone doesn't respond, that's their choice and as I said earlier, it's easier to assume they're not interested. I'm not saying this works for everyone, or feels great by any means, but there doesn't seem to be an established online etiquette and even Catholic Match a while ago had a blog post about that exact thing and how online dating sites are still relatively new, so firm rules on how to deal with messages and such aren't firmly established.

Just keep your head held high, be proud of who you are, and do your best. God willing, you'll find the right person, either through here or in real life. Either way though, I'll pray for your success.
clap This young man gets it. biggrin
Jun 13th 2013 new
Jack, I know you well enough to guess that #6 is the only one that might apply to you.

Jun 13th 2013 new
(quote) Andrew-290721 said: "because you can quickly move on to someone who is interested."
There are people who are actually finding people who are interested? boggled

Who knew?
Jun 13th 2013 new
Marge, I only picked apart the beginning of the quote; I never got around to analyzing the end of the quote; that would have taken another few paragraphs and I was in a hurry. :)
Jun 13th 2013 new
(quote) Andrew-290721 said: Marge, I only picked apart the beginning of the quote; I never got around to analyzing the end of the quote; that would have taken another few paragraphs and I was in a hurry. :)
Andrew, I believe Marge was using her very dry sense of humor in her response. wink
Jun 13th 2013 new
(quote) Andrew-290721 said: "because you can quickly move on to someone who is interested."

I actually don't find that to be true-- no one has ever been able to answer the question of how long does one wait for someone to respond. A person might not log on regularly. She may not have received the e-mail notification. She may be on vacation, on a sequestered jury, a cruise, on military reserve duty, in jail, or otherwise not in a position to respond. Her phone might be broken (my colleague has probably gone through a dozen phones in the last few years) and she doesn't have a desktop or laptop computer. When you don't get a response, you are left to wonder and try to muster some Christian charity to excuse her non-response. When you get a response right away, even a negative response, then you can "quickly" move on to someone who is interested.
I believe you are really trying to overthink it here. If they haven't responded in a couple of days, they are most likely just not interested. Maybe not interested in the person who sent the message, or maybe not interested in anybody right now. This is far more likely the case than all of the other reasons you suggested, put together. I find it best to not overanalyze the situation, or make any judgments about their intentions, but as the other poster said, just let it go and move on. If they get back to you several days later, for one of the reasons you suggested, then allow yourself to be pleasantly surprised.
Jun 14th 2013 new
(quote) Marge-938695 said: Jack, I know you well enough to guess that #6 is the only one that might apply to you.

6? Ha ha.
I thought I was more along the lines of:

open mouth - too busy extracting my foot from my mouth

Jun 14th 2013 new
(quote) Ann-69118 said: I wouldn't call it insulting I think that a lot of people just look at pictures and don't really read profiles. To be fair if a profile is very long I won't always read the whole thing either. I don't respond to guys out of my stated age range because obviously they didn't ready my profile. I had one or two way back when when who asked me to reconsider my age perameters. That didn't bother me so much because it showed they did actually read it. My answer at the time was no because they were way far away or were still way older than I was comfortable with. I also don't respond to scammer or anyone who is way too forward such as someone who would say "Hey Baby we need to get to together" or "Here's my number lets talk". I tend not to respond to emotes because then you get locked into an emote conversation that never ends as many won't move beyond that and it's a waste of my time to engage in that. I'll send one or two but after that if there are no emails I move on. What I don't like is when I take the time to respond and you never hear from the person again after they where the one to make first contact I find that very rude but I've just learned to accept it as part of the internet experience and not take it personally. You can't really take anything personally here or you let yourself in for unnecessary annoyance.
The purpose of this site is to meet, date and marry (although there are some who state in their profiles they are interested in friends only). For someone to just look at pictures and make contact without showing any interest in the profile no matter the length, indicates their attention is only physical. That is shallow and yes I find it insulting. If they dismiss the profile, then what else will they dismiss? I respect anyone who reads a profile, finds conflicts (IE age parameters) and sends a request to the person to reconsider. It shows a true interest in the person.
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