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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
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Please, Stop Rash Judging!

Jun 14th 2013 new
Judging right from wrong is one thing, but assuming someone is cheating when you don't know their situation is rash judgment.

I'm getting messages from men who had seen my posts that I was "off the market" not too long ago (a few months back). Well, I can't say what happened exactly because I'd be breaking the laws of Catholic Match (which ironically, do not include people who are still married in the eyes of the Church not being permitted to have memberships, etc.).

I should be able to say this much: but he changed his mind about what he wanted. He wanted a friend who lived near him and shared his college friends, and who didn't make him feel badly about something (I don't know what) ... but it had soemthing to do with my chastity (which was what I thought we were in agreement on in the first place, but I guess you have to read between the lines on these CM profiles, or something). And we had decidedly different opinions about having secret friends, apart from fiances or spouses.

What can you say? We had different values. One person's "traditional Catholic values" might be something entirely different, shall we say, less encompassing than other's "traditional Catholic values".

That having been said, I see that this might not be a place for me as far as meeting a potential spouse because I am trying to find a "needle in a haystack". But I WILL say I got more than my money's worth in friendships.

Thank you all who have become my friends. I look forward to sharing future experiences together virtually or otherwise. I've met lots of lovely people here, but it just wasn't met for me to meet someone here. I'm needing an indefinite break just for my sanity and to get back to enjoying my own time with hobbies and socializing with people of like minds. I just don't feel right about spreading myself too thin for people who don't appreciate me for my values. I may renew for a bit just to tie up lose ends with friends, mainly other female friends, but I think, for my part, that's the end of it.

Anyone else have similar experiences?




Jun 14th 2013 new
Let me further explain, the private messages have been indicating that I ought to remove my profile since I am in a relationship (they must of read that from one of my forum posts in April).

I never cheat. We left our profiles online to announce our engagement, which instead, I am announcing it didn't work.
Jun 14th 2013 new
(quote) Lynea-297530 said: Let me further explain, the private messages have been indicating that I ought to remove my profile since I am in a relationship (they must of read that from one of my forum posts in April).

I never cheat. We left our profiles online to announce our engagement, which instead, I am announcing it didn't work.
Lynea, I am very sorry your engagement didn't work out. Online dating definitely has its disadvantages in regards to exposing people for who they really are instead of who they want you to think they are.
In my experience I have found CM members to be over the top judgmental.
I am so sorry for your experience.
Jun 14th 2013 new
I'm so sorry your engagement didn't work out. I'm also sorry you had strangers trying to tell you what to do with YOUR account. Sadly, there are some busy bodies here - folks who feel they have the right to weigh in on what others should do with their lives, emotions, actions, friendships, romantic relationships, and obviously their profile status. Just ignore them.

MANY of us stay in touch with friends of BOTH genders on here. I've never been one to dump my male friendships just because I begin dating one man exclusively. When I tell my friends I'm dating someone - they're happy for me, and usually want to meet him and check him out. hug I actually like and appreciate the feedback of my true friends. They don't consider it 'cheating' .....on what.....our friendship? boggled

Jun 14th 2013 new
(quote) Lynea-297530 said: ...I'm getting messages from men who had seen my posts that I was "off the market" not too long ago ....
Sorry, Im really really curious: How many men are you talking about? scratchchin

Please DONT name them!! Im just asking for the number, to know if they are a very very small minority. If yes, then please ignore them
biggrin
Jun 14th 2013 new
I don't know if you're still around, and, of course, I don't really know your circumstances. I think my one thought, was just more general. I think that, yes, I have experiences a good deal of people not really having the values I thought they might have, which has often been sad and frustrating. One thing I've come to appreciate about the Church is that, like Jesus, she "speaks with authority," and can give us definite direction--to keep up from doing things that would be harmful to ourselves and others, if we heed her words. But we must make the conscious decision to do that, as God will not force us.

As far as being judged, when this happens to me, I have come to remember, that, at the last judgement, I will not be answering to these people. I will not be answering to someone who knows nothing about me, but, rather, to someone who knows me completely, and, who will judge, not only justly, but also fairly--and mercifully.
Jun 15th 2013 new
(quote) Mary-363093 said: I'm so sorry your engagement didn't work out. I'm also sorry you had strangers trying to tell you what to do with YOUR account. Sadly, there are some busy bodies here - folks who feel they have the right to weigh in on what others should do with their lives, emotions, actions, friendships, romantic relationships, and obviously their profile status. Just ignore them.

MANY of us stay in touch with friends of BOTH genders on here. I've never been one to dump my male friendships just because I begin dating one man exclusively. When I tell my friends I'm dating someone - they're happy for me, and usually want to meet him and check him out. I actually like and appreciate the feedback of my true friends. They don't consider it 'cheating' .....on what.....our friendship?

Nawww... sorry sister. But that wasn't want happened. This wasn't about saying one of couldn't have friends of the opposite sex, this was about having friends that you have invested something emotional with and keep as a secret (to put it gently). And planning a marriage is not merely friendship.

Yeah, I'm sorry, but there are some strange ideas out there about Catholic relationships.
Jun 15th 2013 new
OK, and I would have to say, I am at an age where I realize the guys I know are either friends who want to date me, or friends who wanted to date me and more or less gave up. So I realize that it's unfair to keep guys too close because it will get their hopes up for nothing. Sometimes I've had friends who I sort of wondered, "maybe..." to myself about them, but that was when I wasn't already in a commitment. So, hearing that someone I am in a commitment with is spending time with someone for lunch and or dinner, and going to her to talk about things he ought to be sharing with me, or talking with her about things she ought to tell her husband or a marriage counselor, well, hmmm, I'll take what any good priest would say over the way of the worldly.
Jun 15th 2013 new
(quote) Lynea-297530 said: OK, and I would have to say, I am at an age where I realize the guys I know are either friends who want to date me, or friends who wanted to date me and more or less gave up. So I realize that it's unfair to keep guys too close because it will get their hopes up for nothing. Sometimes I've had friends who I sort of wondered, "maybe..." to myself about them, but that was when I wasn't already in a commitment. So, hearing that someone I am in a commitment with is spending time with someone for lunch and or dinner, and going to her to talk about things he ought to be sharing with me, or talking with her about things she ought to tell her husband or a marriage counselor, well, hmmm, I'll take what any good priest would say over the way of the worldly.
Lynea, I know exactly what you are talking about and you are definitely right. You have given me hope that there are SOME ethical people left in this world who know when the line has been crossed. Evidentally your fiance was not one of them. And, yes, being engaged to someone is ALOT different than "casual friendships". Kudos to you for realizing that it is unfair to keep guys too close because it will get their hopes up for nothing. You are a lady of integrity and class. Blessings to you.
Jun 15th 2013 new
(quote) Dave-915458 said: Im just asking for the number, to know if they are a very very small minority. If yes, then please ignore them
There is an old adage that applies here: "the plural of anecdote is not data."

Even if she had 100 men contact her and respond in the manner described, that would be a very, very small minority of the men on CM.

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