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Saint Vitus is the patron saint of actors, comedians, dancers, and of entertainers in general.
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I'm kind of new here, and I read on the forums how some people are not being completely
honest on their profiles,,,,some post pictures of themselves from 80 years ago and
others make themselves out to be the best thing since peanut butter and popcorn...

One woman messaged me and said that she had been divorced 9 times already, but she has learned her lesson and I would never have to worry about a divorce.
Another woman said she has some felonies for DUI and shop lifting, but that she is very trustworthy. Oh Boy!! !LOL.

So, boys and girls,,,,LET"S HAVE SOME FUN !!!!!!

post what you think would be some funny """" ANTi-PROFILE"""" material. . A profile funny, but would never really attract a Sweetheart...

Have fun with it... I had a ball making it up,,you try it too...


Here is mine, I hope you laugh :::::::::::::::::::::::

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I'm the oldest living man in Indiana. I am 188 years old. I am looking for a woman close to my age, Between 165 and 192.

I drink heavily and smoke 4 packs of cigarettes a day between 15 cigars.
I do not do drugs everyday anymore as I now limit my drug use to just Weekends and Holidays.

I live in an old trailer and if I can save just $40 more dollars, I can have the electric turned back on.

I give blood on Tuesdays and Fridays for money so I have plenty of money to attract the Ladies....
I am currently out of deodorant, but that's OK as I have a natural sweet bodily ambiance.

I gots plenty of educacion as I gradiated 6th grade on only my second attempt. Don't let my intellogence scares you away.
Well I gots to go now.
I have about 15 lbs. of Reluminum cans that I've collected the last few days.I really lucked out this time as some of the cans still had a little beverage in them...Um Um Good !!
I should get about $8 for the reluminum cans. Not too shabby.
I don't have any of that fancy Cable television, but it don't matter as I ain't got no television anyway.
I do gots a radio so we can dance......please bring some batteries when you visit for the radio...They are pretty expensive ya know !!!


I've almost completed the reniveations on my trailer. That bad fire did a lot of damage to it, but I should have the roof back on in 2 to 3 months and then we can have our privacy...
Gotta go,

love
Mr. Excitement
Jun 10th 2013 new
I'm an aspiring actor. I've had screen tests at Warner Brothers, Paramount, Sony Pictures - I'm an up and coming star, waiting to be discovered! Get in on the ground floor! If interested, you can find me waiting tables at the Brown Derby. Ciao!
Jun 11th 2013 new
I have been married six times so far, but, alas! By God's will all my wives have died unexpectedly within a year of our marriage. I am ready to move on again, however, and am bearing my grief tolerably well.

My beloved wives all left me considerable inheritance, so I don't have a day job. I enjoy cooking, fiddling around with my chemistry set, and working in my flowerbed, which I am constantly expanding. The kind of woman I'm looking for is young, attractive, trusting, and preferably doesn't have a large or close-knit network of friends and family. Financial security is also preferable (I'm a modern sort of man and believe a woman shouldn't have to rely on her husband for financial support).

Oh, one thing: if we do start dating and you ever happen to be over at my house, there is one room I must insist you don't try to enter. It's being renovated, you see, and there's a slight health hazard.
Jun 11th 2013 new
Greetings from St. Helena. I am the former Emperor of France, looking for an Empress to share my exile and possible return to power. The former Empress perished under mysterious and gruesome circumstances (I suspect Cardinal Richelieu had something to do with this). I am a fine cook, known for my homemade meat pies. I am also big into art, doing chainsaw sculptures at my ranch. I have one living relative, a cousin named David.
Jun 17th 2013 new
I am not a good cook or house keeper but I did sleep in a Holiday Inn Express last night.
Jun 17th 2013 new
Oh how I have wanted to do this!
Note to self: don't be watching a Robert Redford movie marathon while writing a profile!

Here goes!

It's been a while since I have been on a date. He turned out to be a plastic surgeon And helped me to get this curvy, bodacious female body. I am a woman who knows how to keep her junk in her trunk and style in her smile. I hated that 34-22-36 body of my youth! It was so full of angst, fear, and innocence! So I got me a sailor man to love and he told me stories of the sea. To everyone then, I was just Brandy! But alas, his love was the sea, not me. So then I got some Moody Blues. Well after all the years of Night in white satin, I ended up with The Dream. eventually he said Thank You Baby, followed by Bye Bye Bird. The Afternoon in those Days of Future Past, yes, it was a (Tuesday) Afternoon, I realized I was alone with 2 sweet children and needed to make my Departure with a Late Lament. In Search of the Lost Chord, I took a Ride (on) my See-Saw and found a House of Four Doors. The Voices in the Sky told me The Best Way to Travel through (Nursing School, Brownies, Girl Scouts, and Cub Scouts, Youth Groups, graduations and beyond) with a Vision of Paradise. Just when I was on a Threshold of a Dream, it seemed that Never Comes the Day that I will ever have The Dream (So Deep Within You). I guess it is To Our Childrens Childrens Children iwant to say, I have realized that it is only Through the Eyes of a Child in parts one and two, that I Never Thought I'd Live to Be a Hundred, but yet, I continue to travel Eternity Road carrying the Candle of Life. It all remains a Question of Balance. It's Up to You, sad but true, to fight being A Melancholy (wo)Man, and live the truth of who I am. Once in a while I wonder if the sailor long ago ever gets those(Your) Wildest Dreams too. But too much time, growth, and Faith will always keep us apart, and so I say, " I Just Don't Care". I have seen The Other Side of Life, and since You Can Never Go Home, I am going to sing My Song. Someday a good man will come along, and dedicate a song For My Lady. I Know You're Out There Somewhere. It really is A Simple Game. My Little Lovely , Forever Now, Nothing Changes, The One will know me Wherever You Are.
This is exhausting, but I had fun. Look up the lyrics if you need. I am a Moody Blues fan, and I hope I've planted a seed. Bloom where Planted has always been my motto!!



Jun 17th 2013 new
Arrrooouuuggghhhhh!! It isn't funny, but I did have fun!
Does that count?
Jun 17th 2013 new
Arrrooouuuggghhhhh!! It isn't funny, but I did have fun!
Does that count?
Jun 17th 2013 new
(quote) Kenny-949632 said: I'm kind of new here, and I read on the forums how some people are not being completely
honest on their profiles,,,,some post pictures of themselves from 80 years ago and
others make themselves out to be the best thing since peanut butter and popcorn...

One woman messaged me and said that she had been divorced 9 times already, but she has learned her lesson and I would never have to worry about a divorce.
Another woman said she has some felonies for DUI and shop lifting, but that she is very trustworthy. Oh Boy!! !LOL.

So, boys and girls,,,,LET"S HAVE SOME FUN !!!!!!

post what you think would be some funny """" ANTi-PROFILE"""" material. . A profile funny, but would never really attract a Sweetheart...

Have fun with it... I had a ball making it up,,you try it too...


Here is mine, I hope you laugh :

###################%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

I'm the oldest living man in Indiana. I am 188 years old. I am looking for a woman close to my age, Between 165 and 192.

I drink heavily and smoke 4 packs of cigarettes a day between 15 cigars.
I do not do drugs everyday anymore as I now limit my drug use to just Weekends and Holidays.

I live in an old trailer and if I can save just $40 more dollars, I can have the electric turned back on.

I give blood on Tuesdays and Fridays for money so I have plenty of money to attract the Ladies....
I am currently out of deodorant, but that's OK as I have a natural sweet bodily ambiance.

I gots plenty of educacion as I gradiated 6th grade on only my second attempt. Don't let my intellogence scares you away.
Well I gots to go now.
I have about 15 lbs. of Reluminum cans that I've collected the last few days.I really lucked out this time as some of the cans still had a little beverage in them...Um Um Good !!
I should get about $8 for the reluminum cans. Not too shabby.
I don't have any of that fancy Cable television, but it don't matter as I ain't got no television anyway.
I do gots a radio so we can dance......please bring some batteries when you visit for the radio...They are pretty expensive ya know !!!


I've almost completed the reniveations on my trailer. That bad fire did a lot of damage to it, but I should have the roof back on in 2 to 3 months and then we can have our privacy...
Gotta go,

love
Mr. Excitement
I am only 26 years of age and my father left me a fortune in gold and diamonds when he passed away just recently. I can't touch any of it unless I get married and I am stuck over here in Ghana and I need a man who is willing to send me $25,000 so I can get clearance from the embassy and buy a ticket so I can fly to the United States and marry him. Once I am married I can claim my inheritance and we will be together till death do us part lovestruck!
Jun 17th 2013 new
Elizabeth You get the prize!!! Wish I had thought of that! I remember many emails I used to get like that!
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