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Saint Anthony is the patron of lost things and missing persons.
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Does any member of the community know of, or has used, a message of response that essentially says "Thank you, but I have no interest in communicating further"? I realize it's a tough thing to say. I also realize, based on some of the forum questions I have read, that it might (only might) do more good than leaving someone hanging.

Or maybe not. Maybe a "no response" is the best response. Comments? Thanks!
Jun 18 new
When I was on CM back in 2006, there was a "canned" emotigram with a message like that.

It's very hurtful. I'm thinking that's why they removed it.
Jun 18 new
This subject has come up before, and I always cringe a little bit. For me personally, I think we should answer, if there is no spark there it will fizzle. It could turn into a wonderful friendship or something more. But, being kind and courteous is never a wrong course of action. If someone gets odd or inappropriate then of course you should have the right to sever communication. One mistake I think that could be made in this process is when the recipient of an email responds with questions that appear to want more information and then for whatever reason just don't respond. If you'd like a conversation to fizzle, don't ask questions that would indicate a continuance of the correspondence. To me its like someone standing beside you in the checkout line who says hello to you and tries to initiate some chit chat and you just ignore them. . .it is both rude and unkind.

A gracious heart is a beautiful thing. I know this is a "dating" site and is designed for people to find people that interest them. But, I firmly believe what we think we want is not always what we need, nor is it always where we are called. Kindness and courteousness are not commitments and if one thinks they do not have time to extend such kindness and courtesy to even those who don't spark their initial interest makes me very sad.
Jun 19 new
i am fairly new to this site joining May 19th.
i am disapointed in the lack of responses.
i am not sure why no response but it happens. i think a no responce after a week tells me they are not interested.

Sheila
Jun 19 new
For me, I think no response is better than "thank you - I'm not interested". That just sounds so cold and insensitive.
At least no response could mean they are involved in a relationship or not looking or aren't an active member of CM.
It's hard either way - rejection hurts weeping weeping
Jun 19 new
Ouch! They never should have had something like that in the first place! Glad they removed it.
Jun 19 new
I think in the end, there's no nice way to say, I'm not interested *anymore*. In 'real life', if one was growing tired of a friend- would you actually say "I don't feel like being friends anymore", or would you simply make no effort to talk to them.. and then sort of hope they feel the same way.. ? I admit, I go with the latter f2f. In online dating though, I suppose there's this whole new dynamic where I don't know if YOU DIED getting home last night, so any kind of response would be nice.

At what point does one have enough of a relationship going where a "I don't want to do this anymore" would seem obligatory? After the first f2f ? A few weeks of emailing? Several dates? Once you've actually discussed "going steady".
Jun 19 new
(quote) Felicity-929402 said: I think in the end, there's no nice way to say, I'm not interested *anymore*. In 'real life', if one was growing tired of a friend- would you actually say "I don't feel like being friends anymore", or would you simply make no effort to talk to them.. and then sort of hope they feel the same way.. ? I admit, I go with the latter f2f. In online dating though, I suppose there's this whole new dynamic where I don't know if YOU DIED getting home last night, so any kind of response would be nice.

At what point does one have enough of a relationship going where a "I don't want to do this anymore" would seem obligatory? After the first f2f ? A few weeks of emailing? Several dates? Once you've actually discussed "going steady".
Amy Owens, in her book The Itty Bitty Break-up Book, advises women (especially) to avoid the situation of wondering what happened after a F2F, date, etc. by ",,,imagining that a big hole opened in the parking lot...& that the man & his car were simply swallowed up--never to be seen or heard from again. I further suggest that she simply go on with her life since there's no possibility that she will see him again....If he does call again, she is genuinely surprised & pleased to hear from him. Hearing the happiness in her voice makes him feel happy, too."

As for the men, she admonishes, "...please do not say you will call unless you intend to. Simply tell her you enjoyed meeting her. Put a period at the end of that sentence and stop there. And be careful as you drive out of the parking lot!"

I agree it's much easier to take silence over a blunt "not interested". I have read some rather kind replies in this regard & that's ok. But blocking communication is just way over the top rude in my opinion when all you've said is "hello". eyepopping wide eyed eyebrow rolling eyes

It's true, rejection is always difficult. Maybe more so for the shy people out there who are just taking advantage of this virtual meeting space & reaching out just to say hi! It's harder in real life to walk over to an interesting looking person & begin a conversation because you risk being shunned--a tone of voice, body language, etc.--and in public, to boot! But here, we are behind our computers & no one else knows if we're being rejected. So we do have the ability to heave a big sigh, look at the next profile & send out that hello emoticon to the next person--just don't hold your breath & be pleasantly surprised if a conversation actually takes hold. Perhaps using the parking lot analogy, we could surmise they were swallowed by the big hole in their neighborhood. (I think it was Jack in another thread who gave us all kinds of clever suggestions as to why they didn't respond) We really haven't invested anything but a few minutes, really, plus a bit of hope & a little prayer. We've got to have a sense of humor & a great deal of patience when we are waiting on God's will & His perfect timing. crossfingers Praying theheart
Jun 19 new
Thank you Carol. There are many good responses to this topic, and I'm grateful for every one of them. Your reference to a book you've read, which seems to speak with authority, has what I consider great wisdom also.

Women (as sender): See Carol's suggested reading. "Imagine a big hole. . . ." If you don't get a response right away, and I mean within a week, forget and don't fret. It's likely to be a response by "no response". Men especially (but no exclusively) are like that. Or if you get a "thanks, but no thanks", try to think charitably, that the man does not want to leave you hanging, even if the answer hurts.

Men (as sender): No suggestive messages. Are you crazy, or just stupid? Be respectful, always. Only communicate if you wish to send a tender message of "no interest", or if your interest is piqued (Neanderthal man, that means if you really want to begin a conversation).

Women (as recipient): Read the many good posts offered above. Reply or don't, as your heart leads you. Me personally, don't respond at all. I will get it.

Men (as recipient) : See the answer above for women. Reply or don't. Personally, based on all the good information on offer, I'm leaning toward "don't."

Everyone, God bless, and thank you all so much.
Jun 19 new
Heaven bless you for using "piqued" and not "peaked". thumbsup
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