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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Jun 27th 2013 new
(quote) Ann-69118 said: What do you think?
eyepopping I've never really thought too much about it, Ann, but I hope not. I have been asked questions on dates about never having been married, though. What I respond with is the truth -- that I haven't found the right one yet or she hasn't found me yet. Yep, I know that that sounds like a Michael Buble song and that's fine. One CM lady even asked me why ALL of my past relationships didn't work out. That was on our 2nd F2F date. eyepopping And here I was just trying to discern if I liked her or not. laughing

Sometimes the good Lord makes us wait (sometimes it feels like for waaaay too long, but He knows better than we do) for the right one to come along. After all, it's not on OUR time that we'll find the right one but on His time.

I'd say that if a guy has a problem with you never being married before (what an insignificant thing to hold against someone, if you ask me), then he's not the one for you anyway. I mean, would you want to spend your life with someone who though less of you just because you hadn't been married before?

God Bless,
Steve
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Jun 27th 2013 new
(quote) Steve-111719 said: ....I'd say that if a guy has a problem with you never being married before (what an insignificant thing to hold against someone, if you ask me), then he's not the one for you anyway. I mean, would you want to spend your life with someone who though less of you just because you hadn't been married before?
That last sentence isn't logical. If person A thought less of person B because of never having been married before, a marriage wouldn't happen, unless person B was the masochistic type or something.

Maybe it's just semantics, or whatever the term would be, but those last statements presuppose that a person's particular opinion would last forever. I think that, as we get to know someone, some of the things we might have liked or believed (hating cats, or believing all Lithuanians are big drinkers) can change. So, someone who might have initially thought less of the never-married person would change opinion as they grew in fondness for the person...and eventually married them!

I do agree that if someone were either shallow, or wounded through experience enough, or whatever it might be, to exclude a person from dating consideration for that never-married quality, then they're not the right one for you. Just as if you have your heart set on a spouse being a golfing or running partner, and you came across people who didn't participate in those activities and had no desire to start them.
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Jun 27th 2013 new
Hi Ann.

It is a very interesting question, and I have thought about it. It seems that some "Never Married" men my age whose profiles I have encountered want to marry younger women so that they can start a family. I think that a very Catholic and honorable thing to do. Unfortunately, that has made me a little uneasy about those who do not express their wish one way or another.

I know God is powerful and I can still have children, but I have a couple of medical conditions that are a tad dangerous... If I were younger, I'd adopt siblings... The thing is, I am ready for my kids to marry and give me grand children to enjoy, spoil, and teach our Faith.

Anyway... I'm not looking in CM anymore. I will keep corresponding with a special CM fellow, and that's about it. My life has changed drastically, and I'm not really considering relocating - unless for him, or the Good Lord has other plans for me and makes them plain. wink

Mari
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Jun 27th 2013 new
I've seen it go both ways. Some guys I know have passed over me because they feel that since I've never been married there must be something wrong with me or I'm incapable of having a relationship others look at it as a benefit since they assume rightly or wrongly that means I don't have bagage. I was looking for a consensus of what others have experienced. I have my own bagage like everyone else but that mostly comes from trying to make a few bad rationships work when I was younger and didn't know better. I am glad I didn't hang on and end up divorced I don't see the advantage in that.
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Jun 27th 2013 new
Yes I can relate to that. Most people I know are either married, or in a relationship. In time it feels like a stigma being single. In my personal experience, I've even been "very subtly" excluded from groups, even among my friends. I think the Church, and society are not ready to accept the fact, that this generation will see the highest number of singles in human history.
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Jun 27th 2013 new

To me, if someone is over 40 and never married,,,I'd wonder why....

Is their desire for Sweetheart companionship not strong ????? . If it is not, then why would
I even attempt a relationship with them ? They may have issues with extreme caution and not being able to be close on all levels in a give and take relationship..

Is the person unmarried due to debilitating self image concerns ? Have they had weight problems or other superficial concerns keeping them from the FIRE of wanting lasting love ??
. Are they too self centered and not willing to share all that a successful relationship may require.

Have they become EXCESSIVELY SCRUPULOUS in their Catholic faith so that everything is a sin and their inner contentment is compromised.
Have they displaced God's unimaginable MERCY and FORGIVENESS and replaced it with FEAR and meeting a checklist which NO_ONE can consistently achieve...?

Are they the proverbial "Know It All's" and never listen,,but preach often...

Yes,,once 40 to 45 hits and singleness prevaiis,,it does beg,,at least,,a question or two.. Is there a heart concern not willing to try for shared love..??
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Jun 27th 2013 new
I believe that anything can count against us in the "dating world" and it depends on who is looking.

What are the potential disqualifiers?

never married non-virgins, never married over 40, those that are divorced, those that are widowed, those with disabilities, recovering alcoholics, etc.

The list goes on and on. Does anyone else have any ideas?
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Jun 27th 2013 new
Well Ann, I think being divorced is seen by society even as a better option than never married, because of sheer numbers of divorced people, and the fact that you can always say that the other cheated on you, or as you see with celebrities "unreconciliable differences." It's all about what's in vogue. Also, psychologicaly, and this is my take of course, people may think that at least the person was able to build something and have children. Many people, I guess prefer to have been married, and have children, than nothing. I don't know if it made sense what I said.

I just wanted to expand on your thread a bit, because it really saddens me that there are so many of us single, many of whom here are over 50. Let me please ask you something: Isn't it possible, that we, in general are way too picky when dating? I've read profiles, where when the person writes about "What I'm looking for", sounds like a checklist for a supermarket or for Home Depot. It is so detailed. They go like this: I want someone who is athletic, funny smart, very family oriented, likes adventure, has blue eyes and is over six feet tall; is stable financially and psychologically, very outgoing, has answered yes to all 7 faith questions, will be romantic, will like my family, my dog, my cat, my parrot my 120yr old neighbor......etc.....

I mean I could go on. Where do you get someone like that? May it be that, this pressure that society stresses upon us, is to our inability to see others for what they really are?

I've been really thinking about this as of lately. I'm 32 and things have not work out for me, and I see now that sometimes it was actually my fault, because I had a specific mind in type, but I've realized, that the most important thing(even more than answering to yes the faith questions), is that we can learn to understand each other, and that we can adapt to change. I'm willing to give any woman here the chance to get to know me, and I hope she will also be open to that, because I want to see and feel this understandig that can only come by messaging, chating, and even meeting and skyping.

I hope you meditate on this, because I'm worried, and I care not only about me, but about you as well, all of you who are on this site. Although you may have seen the melancholic side of my personality in other threads, deep down, I hope you understand that I love you and care for you all. I've been here for 7 yrs, and I would like it very much if we could open our eyes and heart to God's will, because I really don't believe God wants so many singles. True Christian families are needed to stabilize this culture of death, but I think God is demanding more humility, and acceptance(this one goes especially for me) towards other, in this case the opposite gender.

To wrap it up. what Ann says is of great concern to us all, and therefore we should listen more to God's voice in order to discern better.
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Jun 27th 2013 new
(quote) Kenny-949632 said: Yes,,once 40 to 45 hits and singleness prevaiis,,it does beg,,at least,,a question or two.. Is there a heart concern not willing to try for shared love..??
I think it's fair to say that some single people over a certain age are not married because they are afraid of commitment and being vulnerable. However, there are also people who may have been engaged or otherwise in a serious relationship that, for whatever reason, simply didn't work out. And then there are those whose only fault is not having met a suitable person in the first place!
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