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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
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Jul 1st 2013 new
(quote) Joan-529855 said: IS it just me or does anyone else think it is rather selfish to respond "near family (mine)" under the RELOCATING section of the profile? It reminds me of children when they are about 2.5 years old and their favorite suddenly becomes "MINE" (in addition to "no"). It appears to me if you respond with "near family (mine)" you are functioning at the emotional level of a 2.5 year old. Just sayin'.
I take it as a statement they are uncertain about the idea of getting married and might need refuge if they want to bolt in the night. [end joking]


I read it as a statement they are close to their family and would prefer to remain nearby, but that it could be negotiated or compromised on for the right person/reasons.
Jul 1st 2013 new
Marge, I think with young women on here who are Nurses for example, they can get a job anywhere no reason why a young person who is in a field that is in demand all over the US, why they cannot move and try a new location
Jul 1st 2013 new
I know for me a cross-country move would have to be intensely contemplated upon -- I have my own business here and I am very much looking forward to the birth of my first niece, but it's not like I couldn't perform and teach anywhere else in the country, it's just that I've built my clientele here. So. I would. I would just have to think long and hard about it!
Jul 1st 2013 new
(quote) Jim-397948 said: I can not move out of the NYC area since I work in NYC....I can relocate to Bergen Hudson Rockland Westchester Nasau or NYC itself. It is very hard to give up medical and pension benefits

I am really sorry I disagree with you
It may be hard to leave behind medical and pension benefits and may not be considered responsible by most. I have watched brave and especially faithful people make a different choice Jim and they have been blessed many times over. I understand though if you are not comfortable with the idea of relocating
Jul 1st 2013 new
I am able to move to where ever a holy marriage takes me.
Jul 1st 2013 new
(quote) Alex-789274 said: I take it as a statement they are uncertain about the idea of getting married and might need refuge if they want to bolt in the night. [end joking]


I read it as a statement they are close to their family and would prefer to remain nearby, but that it could be negotiated or compromised on for the right person/reasons.

I think if they really have a close and supportive family, that their family would encourage the young woman to get out and explore a new city for the right person. Because if you do not take chances, you will never land the right person and some of that involves stepping out of your comfort zone.

During my time here on Catholic Match which has not been that long as I have browsed profiles of women in their 20's and 30's, there are alot of Nurses and Teachers here in that age bracket to pick from.

Nurses it is much easier for them to relocate since their job can be used anywhere.

Teachers on the other hand, there is more risk to them relocating depending on what they teach, a Math, Science, or English Teacher would not have much problem getting a job in most areas. However if you are in an area of the US that struggles with school funding like mine in Ohio, it is much harder for women that teach Music, Physical Education, Language Arts, or Arts in general, because those positions are always being cut when school funding is not there
Jul 1st 2013 new
Good grief, the preferences indicate preferences. It's not a detailed, in-depth psychological analysis.

Given that there are situations in which it is totally legitimate and reasonable to want to stay in a given area (several of which others have posted already), I think as Catholics we are called to interpret things in the most charitable light possible until we know more.

Of course, if you want to interpret someone wanting to stay near family as a personality defect or sign of immaturity, remember that it can work both ways. Someone whose profile indicates that they have no preference or prefer to live near family (yours) could be interpreted as someone who has no strong ties to anyone or anything, or as someone who doesn't love their family and has a bad or non-existant relationship with them. Would you like someone to make those assumptions about you, or would you like them to make more positive assumptions until they know your particular situation? scratchchin

I think a more productive and loving use of this thread would be to aim at understanding why people might choose that option. Just a thought.
Jul 2nd 2013 new
(quote) Laura-896845 said: Good grief, the preferences indicate preferences. It's not a detailed, in-depth psychological analysis.

Given that there are situations in which it is totally legitimate and reasonable to want to stay in a given area (several of which others have posted already), I think as Catholics we are called to interpret things in the most charitable light possible until we know more.

Of course, if you want to interpret someone wanting to stay near family as a personality defect or sign of immaturity, remember that it can work both ways. Someone whose profile indicates that they have no preference or prefer to live near family (yours) could be interpreted as someone who has no strong ties to anyone or anything, or as someone who doesn't love their family and has a bad or non-existant relationship with them. Would you like someone to make those assumptions about you, or would you like them to make more positive assumptions until they know your particular situation?

I think a more productive and loving use of this thread would be to aim at understanding why people might choose that option. Just a thought.
The "relocating" topic is listed under "Background" on the CM profile, not under "preferences", along with other topics such as education. CM does not ask, "would you PREFER to have a graduate degree?" No, it asks what is your level of education?
I understand your "good grief" but never imagined that someone who indicates no preference to live near family as someone who has no strong ties or doesn't love their family eyepopping. My mind just doesn't think that way. I see the person who is willing to relocate as independent (not emotionally needy) and adventurous; willing to take risks.
I am sorry if I offended anyone with the "near family: mine", but as a mom I can't help but see that toddler shouting "mine". I guess you almost have to have kids to understand what I am referring to.
Jul 2nd 2013 new
(quote) Joan-529855 said: IS it just me or does anyone else think it is rather selfish to respond "near family (mine)" under the RELOCATING section of the profile? It reminds me of children when they are about 2.5 years old and their favorite suddenly becomes "MINE" (in addition to "no"). It appears to me if you respond with "near family (mine)" you are functioning at the emotional level of a 2.5 year old. Just sayin'.
When I created my profile, I did indicate that I would like to stay close to my family. I did so because of my young daughter. Owing to a few factors pertaining to our situation, I felt that it was more important to put her needs above my own and maintain close ties with extended family. I don't consider that selfish. I think that the man God has intended for me will understand my situation and hopefully agree that while my child is a minor, staying where we are is the most reasonable decision. Or maybe not, and I won't meet "the one" until my child is grown and on her own. What I consider selfish would be a parent willing to leave their young children behind to relocate to where "the one" resides. It's a deal breaker for me. If a man doesn't live in, at the very least, the same province/state as their minor children, it just doesn't do anything for me. Something to consider...
Jul 2nd 2013 new
I don't think it's selfish for anyone to answer with "near family - mine". There may be very good reason for it. Of course, CM could expand the list of possible answers in this category - as well as others - to account for more situations. Long distance relationships aren't easy, nor are they easily categorized by "one size fits all" type categorical answers: they take commitment, communication and an open-minded willingness to work on logistics that are often more challenging than anticipated. Sometimes that answer reflects on the current circumstances and future changes are open to negotiation.
I don't put much weight on that individual category unless there are other statements in other more critical areas that would be a definite mismatch. And I keep that open mind til I know more about the person's overall situation, especially if there's sufficient attraction otherwise and communication proceeds to a point where that (and other things) are subject to discussion.
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