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A place to learn, mingle, and share

Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Jul 2nd 2013 new
Matt, you both made the right decision to remain chaste....not many people do that anymore and if a breakup needs to happen, it is a whole lot easier if you are not sexually involved. Better now than later. An old friend of mine who is very catholic and profamily dated a girl who was hesitant about NFP and having children. She tentatively said she would try it to please him and then changed her tune after they were married to no kids at all. There is much suffering in the marraige because of this. I will pray for you and her for God's healing. The experience wasn't for nothing. Have a blessed day.
Jul 3rd 2013 new
(quote) Colleen-329593 said: Matt, you both made the right decision to remain chaste....not many people do that anymore and if a breakup needs to happen, it is a whole lot easier if you are not sexually involved. Better now than later. An old friend of mine who is very catholic and profamily dated a girl who was hesitant about NFP and having children. She tentatively said she would try it to please him and then changed her tune after they were married to no kids at all. There is much suffering in the marraige because of this. I will pray for you and her for God's healing. The experience wasn't for nothing. Have a blessed day.
Matt, stick to your principals!! God will bless you for your tenacity.

My former husband did the same thing as your friends wife. After 6 pregnancies and 4 children (2 miscarriages) in 6 years he took himself to a urologist and had a vasectomy. It was absolutely the darkest day in our marriage. He could not let God be in control; he HAD to be in control. Our marriage suffered greatly after that until it finally ended with his bipolar diagnosis. God is always in control, we are not.
Jul 3rd 2013 new
(quote) Matt-61677 said:  she did some research, on her own, decided that NFP did not work and that was pretty much that... I have no idea what she looked at (I asked her where she looked and she said she didn't remember) so it was actually super abrupt.
"The Christian ideal has not been tried and found wanting.
It has been found difficult and left untried."
-- Gilbert K. Chesterton

Many consider the "easiest for me" (path of least resistance) route to be a viable philosophy of life. Trying to explain to them that "the harder way is the better way" is usually a losing proposition. Even an emotional appeal is unlikely to overcome a certain instinct for inertia.


___________________
two cents - On a good day
Jul 3rd 2013 new
I'm holding reservations along the validity of the OP, not that I am making a statement against it being real, but just, I have to know a person before I know if they are being honest or not.

Regardless, if a gal can't be bothered to discuss NFP, and closes it all off, then she's not anybody that is at all, going to be good for a lasting relationship. That whole sharing, caring, supporting, also entails gently nudging the right direction towards better ways without demanding, or getting into a you have to do this or else type of thing.

Not to say one must compromise our values, but as the scenerio showed, both being chase, why is there even an issue here? It's not like a view point along things you aren't even engaged in, directly, should affect ones whole relationship. It cold also be just this whole, princess mentality that happens all too often. The gal want's the entire world to cater to their every need, and if you aren't doing it, forget it, and indeed, that's the type to be happy to not have in your life any more.

My prayers are with you, regardless if your intentions here, and I will pray a rosary bead or perhaps decade, for you individually.
Jul 3rd 2013 new
Thanks Trish, and my prayers are with you... Praying
Jul 3rd 2013 new
(quote) Jack-752986 said: "The Christian ideal has not been tried and found wanting.
It has been found difficult and left untried."
-- Gilbert K. Chesterton

Many consider the "easiest for me" (path of least resistance) route to be a viable philosophy of life. Trying to explain to them that "the harder way is the better way" is usually a losing proposition. Even an emotional appeal is unlikely to overcome a certain instinct for inertia.


___________________ - On a good day
I agree... I'm pretty sure she & I will talk about it in the next few days and until then I won't know for sure, but she definitely seems scared to change her world view...

Jul 3rd 2013 new
(quote) Colleen-329593 said: Matt, you both made the right decision to remain chaste....not many people do that anymore and if a breakup needs to happen, it is a whole lot easier if you are not sexually involved. Better now than later. An old friend of mine who is very catholic and profamily dated a girl who was hesitant about NFP and having children. She tentatively said she would try it to please him and then changed her tune after they were married to no kids at all. There is much suffering in the marraige because of this. I will pray for you and her for God's healing. The experience wasn't for nothing. Have a blessed day.
Thanks Colleen.

Actually being chaste was ridiculously easy. Having danced so much and understood Catholic teaching well I had a compelling reason, an intense desire and the ability to direct my passion for her in an appropriate way. And to her credit she was very open and wanting that from me. She agreed on the rules for displays of affection very early in the relationship and was very happy with them.

Sooner is always better than later, but I am disappointed that she let go so soon. We all know that once you understand what the Church teaches it fills you with joy and peace.
Jul 3rd 2013 new
Thanks Joan. smile
Jul 3rd 2013 new
(quote) Matt-61677 said: ....And to her credit she was very open and wanting that from me. She agreed on the rules for displays of affection very early in the relationship and was very happy with them.

Sooner is always better than later, but I am disappointed that she let go so soon. We all know that once you understand what the Church teaches it fills you with joy and peace.
She might not be gone. Pray, and give her time. If she returns, pray more, and discern carefully.
Jul 3rd 2013 new
(quote) Brian-906925 said: I'm holding reservations along the validity of the OP, not that I am making a statement against it being real, but just, I have to know a person before I know if they are being honest or not.

Regardless, if a gal can't be bothered to discuss NFP, and closes it all off, then she's not anybody that is at all, going to be good for a lasting relationship. That whole sharing, caring, supporting, also entails gently nudging the right direction towards better ways without demanding, or getting into a you have to do this or else type of thing.

Not to say one must compromise our values, but as the scenerio showed, both being chase, why is there even an issue here? It's not like a view point along things you aren't even engaged in, directly, should affect ones whole relationship. It cold also be just this whole, princess mentality that happens all too often. The gal want's the entire world to cater to their every need, and if you aren't doing it, forget it, and indeed, that's the type to be happy to not have in your life any more.

My prayers are with you, regardless if your intentions here, and I will pray a rosary bead or perhaps decade, for you individually.
Hey Brian,

I agree (as does she) that if we have differences on NFP (plus a few others) that we won't be able to have a successful relationship. I always knew that she may decide to not change. She has several past issues that she needs to keep working through, and she has shown a good job of working through them, but I think I misjudged as to how far along she was in dealing with those past issues...

As for a princess mentality I can guaranty you there was absolutely none of that. She is a single mom with two daughters and works her tail off, and she always told me what a wonderful, amazing guy I was, and never demanded anything... Always caring and honest, just confused on the right way to love...

Many thanks for your prayers,

In Christ's love,

Matt


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