(quote) Carlos-977696 said: This is a tough one for me, because, I always was under the impression, that people closest to you, where the ones who knew who it was, who better suited you. Like in the example of the woman who regrets her divorce saying: "Ishould have listened to my mother," or all those "woman-flicks", where the heroine needs to decide whether the guy she met is the right one, and so she needs to take him to her parents for a "check" and to her friends.
This will probably cause controversy, but in my case it has been the opposite. I think it comes on the others "agenda". I now live in Germany and don't want to return to Costa Rica for various reasons, and that of course doesn't go well with my family, who would of course prefer me staying there and marrying a local. But I feel called to something else, to help rebuild the world with my training(environmental science) and my books(tours), and so staying there would not help me achieve that calling(IMHO).
On the other hand, I had a lady friend who would always give me bad advice on dating, because she wanted to have me all to herself, and so she posed as my "advisor", in disguise. That's why I don't believe in the friend zone, because the one there will always try to win the other person back.
Anyway, tell me what you think. I promise I won't "shoot" you, but please be charitable, really :0)
I've seen what what happens when friends "friends"/"relatives", try to play match maker and it's always their friend, not your best interest why they would recommend you to that person, and in their mind, they think it's ok to settle. Well, already have played the settle gambit, it doesn't work, it just doesn't and life is too short to settle in the first place.
The other side of the coin, when you let go along caring what others are going to think, you are opening up your options in full, not just within their narrow perspective. Each person is an individual with unique capacities to appreciate and needs. This whole check list goes out the window when the chemistry is right, and you no longer look at conditions that you would normally be stipulated from before.
Our own flakiness and wishy washy mindsets along what is the norm, and tendency to categorize people, defining their limits and boundaries, just stifles the whole human equation. I can talk shop in the coffee business to a client and all they associate me with is, the guy that builds coffee carts, nothing more. I can do the same with different fields I'm involved in, and each time, the individual or group think's I'm just that one person, when the reality is, I'm all those and more. Due to the complexity of all of us, how can one fully ascertain who would be good for you.
In my world, I could appreciate such a wide variety of people, including in a spouse, that to define me being stuck with one certain age category, one certain profession, one certain aptitude, the list goes on and on, it would be virtually impossible to find someone that matches that, but the whole reality is, I can attest, as complex as I tend to be, some simple, sweet, down to earth young lady would make my heart happy, just as well as one that's just super on top of things, engaging, and complex.
I have found one of those very gals recently, and guess what, I'm breaking the status quo and pretty much, the heck with what my friends or family want to think, if she's right for me and my heart and I'm good for her and hers as well, who are they to oppose it. Also, love the local level face to face approach, so much has been expressed so far, and today bumping into her again, I can tell very much where this is headed, if I let it, just cautious along letting my heart get too far, I want to see if there are any red flags, and the latter, those are what friends and family are supposed to be helping you with, since one tends to see the other with foggy goggles.