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This room is for those who have lost a spouse and need support or who can provide support to those who have.

Saint Paula is the patron saint of widows and Saint Stephen is the patron saint of deacons
Learn More: Saint Stephen and Saint Paula

no one knows your pain

Jul 13th 2013 new
I know from my own experiences with my dad dying leaving mom a widow........when I was divorced my next door neighbor told me divorce is just like having a death in the family. I did feel this way as she noted.

I am writing this post to let you all know here how very sorry I am for your loss. Some people are able to move forward by marrying while others prefer not to do so. My mother for instance never wanted to marry again. She talks openly about my dad in our daily conversations.
I may be on the same track as my mom, I'm not sure. I only say that because it's been 33 years now w/o remarrying. although with me I never think about my ex husband unless my daughter brings him up in conversation.

It can be lonely at times not having a partner to talk over things with and not to mention being able to hug him/her at any time.

It is important for all of us to keep busy with other people. Feeling we are needed helps combat our lonliness. I have to thank CM for providing us with an outlet.
Jul 13th 2013 new


No one does know my pain,,your pain,,,or anyone else's pain...We all pain and grieve differently...
Some show their pain outwardly,,some keep it inside,,,some do a mixture of both...

I truly believe the extent of the pain that a widower/widow feels is measured by the amount of love and dedication that was in the marriage....

All of us widows/widowers have lists a mile long of what we miss and treasure from the times we lived with our late spouses....

I'll be at the 5 year mark on Aug..17th.....It really SUCKS.....I get scared sometimes because I did give everything in my being into the marriage and now I'm lost a lot...

I will always miss my wife,,but I realize I'm STILL ALIVE,, and still need love and warmth and closeness and laughter from the female variety...
Just don't know how to find her and I'm old now...She is not knocking on my door....

So we,,,I,,,,go through the motions of life.....did I mention that it SUCKS sometimes...?
Jul 13th 2013 new
Connie, can't remember the exact quote or who said it, but the gist is:

"Pain shared dissolves pain; Joy shared magnifies joy". thumbsup
Jul 14th 2013 new
(quote) Beverly-649723 said: Connie, can't remember the exact quote or who said it, but the gist is:

"Pain shared dissolves pain; Joy shared magnifies joy".
I really like that quote!

so, here's the latest Bev, the kids and my brother want us to join them in a trip to KY. do you think I'll make it up and back? email me.
Jul 14th 2013 new
(quote) Kenny-949632 said:

No one does know my pain,,your pain,,,or anyone else's pain...We all pain and grieve differently...
Some show their pain outwardly,,some keep it inside,,,some do a mixture of both...

I truly believe the extent of the pain that a widower/widow feels is measured by the amount of love and dedication that was in the marriage....

All of us widows/widowers have lists a mile long of what we miss and treasure from the times we lived with our late spouses....

I'll be at the 5 year mark on Aug..17th.....It really SUCKS.....I get scared sometimes because I did give everything in my being into the marriage and now I'm lost a lot...

I will always miss my wife,,but I realize I'm STILL ALIVE,, and still need love and warmth and closeness and laughter from the female variety...
Just don't know how to find her and I'm old now...She is not knocking on my door....

So we,,,I,,,,go through the motions of life.....did I mention that it SUCKS sometimes...?
Kenny,

Your marriage was blessed by all the love you two shared.

when the vietnam war was going on, my best friends sister married her sweetheart. they had a short time together before he was sent off to the war. He came back once then off again but this was the last time they'd see each other. Both were young, in their 20's. Rose became withdrawn and moved back in with her parents. One of her friends suggested that she join her in dance lessons. Rose went and loved it. She found an outlet, something that made her laugh again....and not to mention friends and eventually dates.

There are ways to combat lonliness, you have to decide which path is best for you. Being online is an outlet but we are missing the person to person everyday contact, verbally, unless you can call someone on a daily basis.

Find your outlet and your life will be in a happier place.
Jul 14th 2013 new
(quote) Connie-17641 said: I know from my own experiences with my dad dying leaving mom a widow........when I was divorced my next door neighbor told me divorce is just like having a death in the family. I did feel this way as she noted.

I am writing this post to let you all know here how very sorry I am for your loss. Some people are able to move forward by marrying while others prefer not to do so. My mother for instance never wanted to marry again. She talks openly about my dad in our daily conversations.
I may be on the same track as my mom, I'm not sure. I only say that because it's been 33 years now w/o remarrying. although with me I never think about my ex husband unless my daughter brings him up in conversation.

It can be lonely at times not having a partner to talk over things with and not to mention being able to hug him/her at any time.

It is important for all of us to keep busy with other people. Feeling we are needed helps combat our lonliness. I have to thank CM for providing us with an outlet.
Thanks.Vert thoughtful. rose theheartGod bless.
Jul 14th 2013 new
hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug
theheart
Jul 14th 2013 new
(quote) Kenny-949632 said: We all pain and grieve differently...

I truly believe the extent of the pain that a widower/widow feels is measured by the amount of love and dedication that was in the marriage....
True statements.
I would add, some of the pain is related to the number of regrets you may have. Missed opportunities for doing nice things, for example.
Jul 14th 2013 new
(quote) Marge-938695 said: True statements.
I would add, some of the pain is related to the number of regrets you may have. Missed opportunities for doing nice things, for example.


I guess we can always be nicer,,,,more generous of spirit,,,more patient.....Usually when I go to confession I mention that I can always be more of these things....

However,,in my marriage ,,I really don't have regrets...I always,,always,,always placed myself second in the relationship and she knew it......I'm the farthest thing from having an Ego of any size,,,I'm actually too humble,,,,but I do take comfort that I did my best and she always complimented me on being a good husband....I've failed at very much in life,,but I hold onto and need to believe that the one thing that I succeeded at was in being a loving caring husband....
I've always been big and tall,,and as a kid and teenager I never had to go along with the crowd and I never feared being called a whimp cause I could kick anyone's butt.....Never had to and I'm glad...I'm just a Teddy Bear type....

So with this mentality of not fearing showing the real me,,I was able to be sensitive and loving and caring and sensual to and with my wife....She taught me much and was far superior to me intellectually and spiritually and emotionally....

I've babbled too much...sorry....joining this site has been good for I always thought that once I decided to move forward that finding a new Sweetheart would be easy.....I was very wrong....
Now I see the real world has changed in the last 25-30 years and I haven't......Better to know now...
I'm better off being alone and not bringing down anyone else or corrupting anyone...
My only regret was that if I told her that I loved her 8 million times,,I wish that I had said it 8 million and one times...But she knew that I loved her and was crazy about her....She knew it not only in her head,,but in her heart and her bones and everywhere...I'm glad for that...

And boy,,she could make peanut butter and jelly sandwiched that were to die for....
Oct 8th 2013 new
True statements.
I have to say that is true we all experience different levels of pain when our love ones pass way.
For me was that being married for 25 years and than one day he was gone and not to have him around was very painful I had a hard time dealing with the lost, We did everything together and we were the best of friends
We had a good marriage and ,I really don't have any regrets. I always tried to be a good wife and placed myself second in the relationship and he new it and many times he used to compliment me to his relatives and his buddy's
He was a religious person but not to go to church every Sunday but he was a wonderful person and had a good heart, spiritually and emotionally he had it all and I never put any pressure on him to go because I always felt that it had to be his choice had to come from him and God.
It has been 19 years for me and it took me a long time to make the decision to look for someone else but one day I was coming out of church, and I notice something on the board about Catholicmatch.com and I decide to search and see what was all about, And here I am :-)...God Bless you all.
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