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This room is for supportive and informative discussion about divorce and/or the annulment process. All posters must have been previously divorced or annulled.

Saint Eugene De Mazenod is patron of dysfunctional families & Saint Fabiola obtained a divorce from her first husband prior to devoting her life to charitable works.
Learn More: Saint Eugene De Mazenod and Saint Fabiola

Jul 25th 2013 new
Define "healed". laughing

For many, grieving over the loss of a foundational relationship takes some time.

But with an annulment comes the understanding that there was no marriage.
What appeared to have been built on a rock, was built on sandstone that washed away.
So there's no relationship to mourn because there was nothing there to begin with.
Although discovering that can be quite painful. sad

I would add that coming to understand what went wrong in a past relationship helps the healing process.

Gone Fishing!
Jul 25th 2013 new
(quote) Joan-529855 said:
This one is easy...when I told my ex I forgave him for cheating. I was freed and have been happy ever since!
Jul 25th 2013 new
I firmly believe it's not possible at least until one completes annulment discernment.

One sign I look for is if the other party keeps talking/writing bad things about their ex. When done, it's not over yet. That individual has not let go. Forgiveness is a must, although I would expect one to never forget. Another good sign is when a person says good things about the ex, when deserved... otherwise silence. Making things up just for show will come out, likely against you.

For me, discernment completed, it was when I came to the full realization that there is nothing more the other can do to me to cause me more pain. I owned up to my part of the deserved blame, didn't care any more if she would ever or not, I forgave (will never forget) and I moved on. The scars are scabs are there like dead tissue that keeps falling off with time.

Praise be to God for his redeeming grace!!!

Ever since I completely let it go, the pain has been gone.

Now, I actually find myself saying good things... laughing Who would have thunk it!!!! laughinglaughing
Jul 25th 2013 new
You'll know when the buzz in your head about the ex, the divorce, the settlement, custody issues, who was right about what, relations with your in-laws, and all the other topics we devote our mind to after a break up, begins to disappear. You'll know when the buzz in your head is about a new career, a new living arrangement, thoughts of going back to school, a new car, a new wardrobe, a new hair style, or when other thoughts of empowerment consume your thoughts. One day you wake up and think - wow, it feels good to have that behind me. I completely agree with the others who have endorsed annulment. I found it very healing to write about my perspective of what went wrong and what went right. It was very enlightening and helpful in concordance with my therapist and Spiritual Director.
Jul 26th 2013 new
Jul 26th 2013 new
I need to stop doing this from my phone. I found healing in forgiveness. we will never have a normal relationship. But my forgiveness consists of not allowing her memories to consume my life. I pray that she finds contentment and happiness.
Jul 26th 2013 new
Agree with what John said about he now finds he says good things about the ex now and then

My lawyer in my divorce was very wise and would point out to me the good things about my ex and the positive reasons I married him in the first place. If you don't do this, if you only view your ex negatively, the next logical step is to look at yourself as someone who can't make a good decision and you will have trouble making a commitment again.
Jul 26th 2013 new
Jul 26th 2013 new
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