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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

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Charitable or Doormat?

Jul 25th 2013 new
If someone contacted you with numerous messages, and you charitably answered each one and then explained why you are not interested. How long must you put up with it?

How many times must a person say no, and have to spell it out to them, without being mean and use the last resort of blocking them?

Now the contact feels guilty about "not having a conversation " and wished she/he had been more charitable.

How can you base a relationship on a scenario like this, if you felt it "in your gut" something is wrong?

Why or what influenced that person to change their mind?

Does any one have an answer?




Jul 25th 2013 new
i would say after 3 times then block the person. At least then they should understand the word NO
Jul 25th 2013 new
no need to feel guilty
you have done him a favour by indicating your position
if you're not interested, then he has to be mature enough to accept that and deal with that himself
Jul 25th 2013 new
If you have said "No, thank you" and he continues to contact you, just block them at that point.
Anytime after the first "no" is sufficient. Being clear is not being mean.
There is no healthy relationship to nurture between pest and victim.

Just open the conversation page with that member in your inbox.
Click the "Actions" button, and then select "Block Messages".
He will no longer be able to contact you. Problem solved.



___________________
two cents - On a good day
Jul 25th 2013 new
I know that the conventional wisdom on CM says that we should "charitably" answer every email we receive, but I disagree with this perspective. People might send numerous messages at a time; to see a response in your inbox, thinking that it is a positive response only to read it and realize it is a rejection adds an extra step to the rejection. Sometimes charity is simply not responding. Also, if a person continues to get a response from you every time they send a message (even if it's a rejection) becomes at least some level of response - like kids with behavioral issues - negative attention is better than none at all. Simply refraining from sending a response will end the problem; then there is no need to resort to blocking.
Jul 25th 2013 new
(quote) Helen-881220 said: If someone contacted you with numerous messages, and you charitably answered each one and then explained why you are not interested. How long must you put up with it?

How many times must a person say no, and have to spell it out to them, without being mean and use the last resort of blocking them?

Now the contact feels guilty about "not having a conversation " and wished she/he had been more charitable.

How can you base a relationship on a scenario like this, if you felt it "in your gut" something is wrong?

Why or what influenced that person to change their mind?

Does any one have an answer?




In my book, the last one you made it plain should be the last one.

Don't reply to any more.

Not replying to subsequent ones is not uncharitable. The other party just needs to learn that a "no" means a "no". Now, on the other hand, when the Jehovah Witnesses come to my door, although I really want to tell them no, I instead invite them in saying: "Well, welcome folks, you've come at a good time! I was just going to start praying the Rosary. Please join me!!! We can talk about your stuff, after that." Guess what, they NEVER come back laughing
Jul 25th 2013 new
I'm wondering what is it about the person to make one so sure that one is not interested.
Jul 25th 2013 new
(quote) Helen-881220 said: If someone contacted you with numerous messages, and you charitably answered each one and then explained why you are not interested. How long must you put up with it?

How many times must a person say no, and have to spell it out to them, without being mean and use the last resort of blocking them?

Now the contact feels guilty about "not having a conversation " and wished she/he had been more charitable.

How can you base a relationship on a scenario like this, if you felt it "in your gut" something is wrong?

Why or what influenced that person to change their mind?

Does any one have an answer?




Gosh Helen, was it something I said?
Jul 25th 2013 new
Aww, Pete, you've always said everything juuuussstt : right!! laughing laughing laughing laughing

Love the spirit of the cm community, and enjoyed John' s story, smile laughing laughing

Thank you all for your responses, your messages are very clear and will help many of us on this dating site!
Jul 25th 2013 new
(quote) Marge-938695 said: I'm wondering what is it about the person to make one so sure that one is not interested.


Please explain for those of us that may be a few brain cells deficient..
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