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Some profiles state they are widowed, yet have been previously married and divorced without annulment.

Shouldn't they correctly state divorced rather than widowed in their profile since they are not free to marry?
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Jul 27th 2013 new
(quote) Sandra-871852 said: Some profiles state they are widowed, yet have been previously married and divorced without annulment.

Shouldn't they correctly state divorced rather than widowed in their profile since they are not free to marry?
I have come across this also.
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Jul 27th 2013 new
(quote) Sandra-871852 said: Some profiles state they are widowed, yet have been previously married and divorced without annulment.

Shouldn't they correctly state divorced rather than widowed in their profile since they are not free to marry?
Divorced!
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Jul 27th 2013 new
Well good gravy! I guess that states their character right off the bat!
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Jul 27th 2013 new
I have actually come across someone, not sure exactly where it was, that was married and divorced and then the spouse passed away. If a person was not annuled and therefore still married in the eyes of the church then I would assume that person would then be free to marry in the church once their spouse passes on...till death do we part (just like it would be for anyone else who remains married in the eyes of both the law and the church who has a spouse who passes on). Now I am not saying that this person is not being deceitful because I don't know this person. And certainly if there are multiple people putting this it is less likely the case that there are that many people on the site divorced, not annuled, with a spouse who passed away. BUT, it can happen and if it truthfully has happened to someone, once their ex spouse passes away, regardless of whether they take the title of widow or not, to call them divorced without annulment would be most accurate in a secular sense but then when they say they are free to marry in the church it looks deceitful as well. Just trying to provide food for thought. Again, I don't know any of these guys situations but unless you know for sure the ex spouse is still living, the information could be a misrepresentation but it may not be.
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Jul 27th 2013 new
The only misconception I believe is when they are Divorced and have Unsure in their profile for Free to Marry. It's like Really? Ugh. I've been married for 10+ years, two children, divorced, still friends but he had issues and committed suicide shortly after. Did I Grieve, you bet your bottom dollar. It has been really really hard for me and the kids and the public doesn't understand that because you were divorced! Should I say I am divorced when I am clearly Free to Marry, or should I say I am divorced, free to marry, but never had an annulment?? I don't think status's mean a Hill of Bean unless you get to know the person. If they say widowed, they are in the Eyes of God. Until Death do you Part and no man should break that bond. I guess it is all a preference and how long you were married, did you get an annulment, and what you did in your marriage, what you created in your marriage, and if it ended in death, I would consider someone widowed. So I would not judge anyone for deceitfulness here before I got to know them as I know others in my situation who feel the same. There was a loss, a great loss, and divorce, widow, etc., is a hugh loss. Maybe CM should just have are you Free to Marry or Not and be done with it. My 2 cents! God Bless!!
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Jul 28th 2013 new
(quote) Sandra-871852 said: Some profiles state they are widowed, yet have been previously married and divorced without annulment.

Shouldn't they correctly state divorced rather than widowed in their profile since they are not free to marry?
Their 'ex'-spouse is dead, right? (if not, the use of 'widowed' is clearly pathological)

If so, then, indeed, they are free to marry and widowed in the eyes of the Church (their spouse, from whom they were not annulled is now dead; they're a widow/er). The marriage bond is dissolved at death, no matter the state of marital conviviality (or lack thereof) at the time of death.
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Jul 28th 2013 new
Death ends a valid marriage. The civil status of that marriage before the death occurred (e.g., newly-wed, divorced, legally separated, living apart) does not matter.

If someone has been married more than once, there could be some confusion in a person's mind. For example, consider a man with a first marriage that ended in divorce (but no annulment), followed by a "second" marriage that ended with the death of the new wife. Civilly, the man is considered a widow, but the Church presumes that the first marriage is still valid, i.e., the man is still married. The man may have a hundred reasons in his mind why the first marriage was not valid. All 100 reasons may be true. But until the paperwork is submitted to allow the Church to make a determination, the Church has to consider the first marriage as still valid.

I would make allowances for another human to be confused. There can be a lot of facts, emotions, legalities and malformed opinion in play. And there are many wounded hearts out there.

But if the individual is not willing to correct his profile and do some research, then alerting CM to the issue (and your concerns) is appropriate. There's no need to be confrontational (not that anyone has been). CM staff have undoubtedly handled these issues before.


___________________
two cents - On a good day
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Jul 28th 2013 new
(quote) Jack-752986 said: Death ends a valid marriage. The civil status of that marriage before the death occurred (e.g., newly-wed, divorced, legally separated, living apart) does not matter.

If someone has been married more than once, there could be some confusion in a person's mind. For example, consider a man with a first marriage that ended in divorce (but no annulment), followed by a "second" marriage that ended with the death of the new wife. Civilly, the man is considered a widow, but the Church presumes that the first marriage is still valid, i.e., the man is still married. The man may have a hundred reasons in his mind why the first marriage was not valid. All 100 reasons may be true. But until the paperwork is submitted to allow the Church to make a determination, the Church has to consider the first marriage as still valid.

I would make allowances for another human to be confused. There can be a lot of facts, emotions, legalities and malformed opinion in play. And there are many wounded hearts out there.

But if the individual is not willing to correct his profile and do some research, then alerting CM to the issue (and your concerns) is appropriate. There's no need to be confrontational (not that anyone has been). CM staff have undoubtedly handled these issues before.


___________________ - On a good day
Very well said, Jack! Not sure, though, that a person's profile needs to be corrected if they happen to be posting the "wrong" status. Nor am I so sure that alerting CM staff to the seeming discrepancy is a necessity if we happen to notice it. We are to some extent our brother's/sister's keeper but we are also adults and hopefully so are the other members on this site. I would hope that each of us would not be so anxious to 'make a match for ourselves' that we would overlook this area without investigating further. When you read someone's profile this is one of the main issues that should be noted. It has happened to me, actually, and I went to the source first...the member/author of the profile and requested clarification. After that it is/was up to me to go forward or not if I am/was satisfied with the response I received.

When I first joined the Forums I started a topic that touched on this issue. At the time I was new to this kind of posting and all thumbs and didn't quite express myself as I wanted to. It was a question about how many categories of Free to Marry choices there should be and had something about In Process, I think, in its title. Anyway...well said, Jack!
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Jul 28th 2013 new
(quote) Cathy-564420 said:  Maybe CM should just have are you Free to Marry or Not and be done with it. My 2 cents! God Bless!!
Cathy, great response.
I agree that it would give clarity and simplify things if CM did just have Free to Marry or Not under each profile photo. Then in the profile one could give more information.

Those not free to marry aren't able to be matched. But some widowed have had previous marriages ending in divorce without annulment with the previous spouse still living.

What bothers me is that I have been matched with a widower who didn't have an annulment from his first marriage with the wife is still living. This person's status under their profile should be divorced. Then within their profile they could explain they are widowed also. They are definitely not free to marry.

This is not a judgement on anyone with whatever status, but rather that some on CM are looking for a future marriage, check off the available free to marry statuses in searches/matches and don't want to be matched with those that aren't free to marry in the Catholic Church.

So when we check widowed/widower we assume they are free to marry. Maybe CM could clarify this.

I like your idea of keeping it simple and clear and having one clear status of either Free to Marry/Not Free to Marry.
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