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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
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The Man of My Dreams...

Jul 27th 2013 new
www.catholicmatch.com

I just read the article at the above link and thought this might be a good question to pose in the forum. The article talks about how the imagination will "fill in the blanks" in regard to online matches, which means that it is extremely important to meet someone in person as soon as possible so as not to continue to live in the imagination.

My question is, has anyone thought that they met the man/woman of their dreams online only to meet in person and find that there was no connection? If so, what were you imagining to be true about the other person that wasn't? What had you not been aware of about the person from online interactions that became clear in a face to face meeting?
Jul 27th 2013 new
(quote) Kristen-878108 said: http://www.catholicmatch.com/institute/2011/04/the-power-of-the-online-daters-imagination/

I just read the article at the above link and thought this might be a good question to pose in the forum. The article talks about how the imagination will "fill in the blanks" in regard to online matches, which means that it is extremely important to meet someone in person as soon as possible so as not to continue to live in the imagination.

My question is, has anyone thought that they met the man/woman of their dreams online only to meet in person and find that there was no connection? If so, what were you imagining to be true about the other person that wasn't? What had you not been aware of about the person from online interactions that became clear in a face to face meeting?
Be careful that the man of your dreams doesn't turnout to be a nightmare
Jul 27th 2013 new


I could be wrong ,,, but I don't believe any earthly person is the TOTAL answer to our Sweetheart Dreams...

We all want love like they show on The Hallmark Channel or in romantic movies....,,But it is a mixture,,,I think,,of the anayltical and the emotional...

We may fantasize about that special person,,,but we all have a few warts,,me,,you,,all of us.....and if we don't have them now,,we will eventually...

I think that prayer is very important in finding our possible Dream spouse....

I love this prayer from God to:::::Kenny,,Mary,,,Joan,,,Joe...all of us ..

God says to us......me as an example.....

Kenny,,,,I know your needs,,,,,Let Me show you My mercy and love,,,,,,I will take care of you in the way that is best.....
Now Kenny,,,,,,Jesus says,,,,, ,I have one request of you,,,,""" GET OUT OF MY WAY AND LET ME DO MY JOB """""..."" Your way isn't the best way Kenny "".....

From the time I graduated college until I was 29 I prayed and prayed and prayed for God to send me a Sweetheart.....
But God needed to prune me a bit first and make me humble and merciful....I would cry out to God,,,especially on weekend nights and at holidays...Christmas time was also hard.....

Then,,when I least expected it..God sent me an Angel..,,,( My Wife ),,,.She taught me so much about self-lessness and giving and sharing and praying....It took God 7 to 8 years to get me ready...

The Beatitudes are a great source too.....

Pray my friends...maybe God is just pruning you a little bit too so you can have joy and continued joy...
love
Kenny.

Jul 27th 2013 new
Thanks for your responses - I am presenting this question just as a conversation starter. I was intrigued by the article and wondered if some of our CM brothers and sisters could share some experiences that might add to our understanding. Kenny, I agree with you that no person is a perfect match - the author of the article apparently (in her mind) had imagined some things to be true about the other person that were not reality. Just wanted to get other people's perspectives on this, especially in terms of the importance of moving to the face to face quickly.
Jul 27th 2013 new
(quote) Bob-59786 said: Be careful that the man of your dreams doesn't turnout to be a nightmare
Bob, thanks for your encouraging words. smile I chose that title to get people's attention - it is not a statement about me, but about the article and the role imagination can play in idealizing a person.
Jul 27th 2013 new
(quote) Kristen-878108 said: Bob, thanks for your encouraging words. I chose that title to get people's attention - it is not a statement about me, but about the article and the role imagination can play in idealizing a person.
Kristen - Perhaps far too many of us seek our Imaginary soulmate. An excellent prep before the first F2F is to take note if you, and the other person, are totally Honest in all the communication prior to the F2F. If so, BIG plus. If not, forget the possible relationship.

For those who insist on Instant Sparks at the first F2F, that's another sign to move on. Non-Instant Sparks can have a tendency to turn into the burning embers of everlasting Love, if the couple works on Honest communication prior to F2F.
Jul 27th 2013 new
I actually found someone on another dating who I thought had great potential. I liked his profile, he was catholic, he was a fireman ;) so we e-mailed back and forth several times and things were going well so we started texting. That is when I realized I was wrong and we were not comparable, we never even met I person. It was rather disappointing, but definitely the right decision.
Jul 28th 2013 new
I think that it is definitely a human tendency to "fill in the blanks" when we lack information about people. Especially if we are looking for our "perfect soul-mate", we may have a heightened tendency to fill in positive traits as we may believe that God has finally brought this perfect person (for us) into out lives. A lot of good information can be lost when not meeting face-to-face.... So I think it is important to meet in person as soon as practical.

I believe that most politicians found this out long ago. Some of the most successful (in terms of getting elected) politicians are those that offer as few details as possible and make the content of their speeches someone ambiguous precisely so that the voters can fill in the blanks and ambiguities with positive things that they would like to see in their candidate. Lots of people then vote for the candidate because he/she is believed to be "on the same page".... These voters are often surprised later that the candidate is so different than what they had anticipated. The problem is that these voters "filled in the blanks" with desired/positive details rather than the real details. Oops.

Ed
Jul 28th 2013 new
(quote) Kristen-878108 said: http://www.catholicmatch.com/institute/2011/04/the-power-of-the-online-daters-imagination/

I just read the article at the above link and thought this might be a good question to pose in the forum. The article talks about how the imagination will "fill in the blanks" in regard to online matches, which means that it is extremely important to meet someone in person as soon as possible so as not to continue to live in the imagination.

My question is, has anyone thought that they met the man/woman of their dreams online only to meet in person and find that there was no connection? If so, what were you imagining to be true about the other person that wasn't? What had you not been aware of about the person from online interactions that became clear in a face to face meeting?
Yes i have but was very surprised indeed!

The thing is, i put my worst foot forward on my profile, to ensure anyone thinking they might be interested would see that there are some unchangeable things about myself that have necessitated my looking to a wider range of prospective spouses. Almost anything negative about myself not listed is open for changing. i dated quite a bit in my youth and came close more than once but having the 3 requirements met was, and still, are important to me since they'd cause me to be less than amenable as a mate otherwise.
Jul 28th 2013 new
The hazards of "fill in the blanks" definitely happened to me many years ago. I was hurting and lonely, and it was so reassuring to have the attention of a man. The problem was I was still reeling from loss. I wasn't feeling lovable, so the attention and common interests made me feel more lovable. Those "hours long" conversations created illusions that were impossible to maintain in reality. Once we met, I worked just a little too hard to convince myself he was Mr. Right and ignored some obvious signs for too long. When I got brave and said I wanted to slow down the process, it caused him pain and his resulting feelings of rejection turned to anger. It ended badly. I regret the hurt and disappointment I caused.

I learned a valuable lesson. When we reveal too much of ourselves too soon, we risk hurting another as much as ourselves. I've got to get away from work more often and do more of the things that give me joy. I look forward to meeting someone that way. Have fun, don't worry, be happy. Being online feels a bit like waiting for a pot of water boil. wave
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