(quote) Lynea-297530 said: When you're in a relationship that is on the marriage track, either talking marriage or officially engaged, is it ok to have friends of the opposite sex that your partner knows nothing or next to nothing about? Is this ok when you are married? Is it ok to have friends of the opposite sex that you share initimate discussions on life events, and your main relationship? I find it interesting that there are many practicing Catholics that think that there is no "cheating" if there is no physical intimacy, or no physical intimacy to the extend of the actually marriage act.
I've spoken to many priests about this, and all of them say the same thing: engaged or married couples ought to not have secret friends, whether or the opposite sex or even of the same sex.
That having been said, is not one of the main comforts of marriage the emotional bond? How can that be maintained if this sort of bond is being shared wtih others outside the marriage? Also, having close friends of either sex that are not shared with your partner is always wrong, and it is especially damaging when these close friends do not share the same marriage values and ideas.
ALSO, is it wrong to expect that one should be able to pick up their spouses cell phone and not be surprised by who their contacts are?
From what I am hearing, most infidelities in marriages occur without the intitial desire or intent, such as with a workplace affair. Sometimes people's wills are in conflict with their desire and/or intent, yet people nowadays people tend to presume that they can live by a code of morality that is half by the spirit of the culture, and half for the Lord. (Although, our Lord has some pretty choice words for people who try to straddle both camps, warning them for their lukewarmness.)
Thoughts? Please share!
You asked a good question and answered it very well.
When I become friends with a married person, I make a serious effort to befriend the spouse as well (regardless of whether my friendship is with the male or female). I do this especially with co-workers. In one case with a gal pal, that was a particularly hard challenge, but as time went on the husband and I became close. He calls me his sister and his wife is grateful for our friendship. Sometimes he calls me to "vent" and after he blows, I give him the women's perspective. I've been there for the hospital visits, confirmations, baptisms and weddings . . .. the birth of grandchildren, and the death of parents. I can spend the afternoon shopping with her and the evening watching football with him. I have truly been adopted into the family. There are times I've had to speak the truth in love and he got so mad he didn't speak to me for a week! But as with all family's, reconciliation comes.
So yes, any friendship, male or female, should be known by all parties. It is selfish and detrimental to do otherwise.