I am used to feeling sad around the anniversaries of her birth and death dates and other holidays. Just thought it was strange that the wedding anniversaries were getting easier to take until this one coming up that ends in a "0". Maybe because I have had more free time to think and dwell on it recently; not as much the past week or two. I am usually much better the day after. I can talk to my priest if needed, but I am hoping it won't be necessary.
I feel your pain. I lost my husband 6 1/2 years ago and the "special" days are still the hardest. Although some of them are easier to deal with now, there are still some times when I really feel blue. Luckily, I have had my job to keep me busy. The hardest part for me is going to weddings & anniversary parties, especially family ones where I really have no option. I have been blessed with a big family of in-laws and they are so caring & supportive, but it is still hard to be the "one" without a spouse and miss him dreadfully at those times.
I celebrate my late husband's birthday every year with a Dairy Queen ice cream cake with my youngest daughter (39), whose birthday is the day before his. I think it really helps us both. The other days I usually try to work, if possible. I find keeping busy helps a lot.
I'm no grief counselor or in a position to give guidance, and what works for me may not work for you, but I still find that when I am really feeling blue and missing him, I watch a sad movie and just let the tears come. Sometimes it just feels good to "let it out". And then watch something funny to get me laughing.
I count my blessings every day and am so thankful tor 38 years together. Try to remember the good times & celebrate your special day.
I am so sorry for your loss & what you are going through. Indeed, the first year of "firsts" is the hardest. No matter how much others tell you, it is one of the hardest things you will go through in your healing process. The only advice I can give is that keeping busy helps keep your mind off of the day. Celebrate or not, that is your choice. I'm sure your family can respect your wishes.
I will be praying for you.