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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
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Giving Up on CM

Aug 22nd 2013 new
At what point do you feel so dejected and rejected that you just want to give up?

How many denied chats, unreturned messages, and weeks of no incoming messages does it take for you to realize you are dumping your money into a losing proposition? Not just here but any singles site?

If I message someone, I am not proposing marriage, for goodness sake. I am just saying, "Hey, let's talk. Let's be friends." So, likewise, if someone rebukes my messages....to me it is like saying that I am not even worth it to be friends with. And, my God, if you are not even worthy to be someone's friend, much less anything else....what is the point of being here?


Aug 22nd 2013 new
Hi Melissa,
This is my second time around on CM...so I thought I would approach it differently this time around by responding if someone views me with a thank you or a smile...no respond. I smile at people I would like to communicate with...no respond. The few times someone smiled at me.. I would respond..no respond. I am not looking for an instant relationship but it would be nice to communicate with someone...It does feel like rejection but alsoI feel it is their loss because I am a pretty good person and have a lot to offer. I know I can spend my hard earned money on something more worthy of my time and energy...

Aug 22nd 2013 new
just my .02 first when you're talking about online.. the word "friends" can really have a broad definition..
and i agree.. sometimes people reach out to someone else just to simply say "Hi".
.. but i think a lot of people view messaging as a romantic gesture.. i've been know to be wrong tho.. lol
I wouldn't get discouraged though.. i have gotten to know a few ppl through the Forums that i send messages to sometimes.. smile Praying


Aug 23rd 2013 new
(quote) Melissa-537851 said: Melissa

If I message someone, I am not proposing marriage, for goodness sake. I am just saying, "Hey, let's talk. Let's be friends." So, likewise, if someone rebukes my messages....to me it is like saying that I am not even worth it to be friends with. And, my God, if you are not even worthy to be someone's friend, much less anything else....what is the point of being here?


Melissa,

I understand how you feel and you are right to feel that way. However, I wouldn't take it personally. It's not you. Most subscribers to online dating websites have the idea that they are looking for their "match" and act like they are just shopping for goods in the mall. They forget that they are dealing with real people who have feelings. At least a polite "Thank you" for a message would be nice. So forget those nonresponders. You don't need them.

Just a thought, how about trying different friendly approaches starting from what you find interesting in their profile? And expanding your search? Also the forums are a good start.

Yes, you are definitely worthy to be a friend to a lot of people here in CM. That includes me.

Cheers,
Fina


Aug 23rd 2013 new
(quote) Virginia-990506 said:  I am not looking for an instant relationship but it would be nice to communicate with someone...It does feel like rejection but alsoI feel it is their loss because I am a pretty good person and have a lot to offer. I know I can spend my hard earned money on something more worthy of my time and energy...

Hi Virginia,
You have a great attitude. A lot of self- respect. Sorry for you guys, if you missed this lady.
Fina
Aug 23rd 2013 new
Hi Melissa I am in the same boat as you all. I do read profiles, but no response even when they say in their profile that they are wiling to consider LDR for the right person. How can you get to know someone if you do not even make any attempt to get to know them in the first place! Most of these men area afraid to even make friends - the simple excuse is time difference, but I am sure this has been overcome by the many LDR marriages that have worked. It is possible if you both put in the effort, but men I feel want things on a plate. Just my 2 cents worth! I have been on this site for a long time and may give up when my subscription runs out. I have made friends on this site and most of them are married - I still keep in touch with them and their other halves!
Aug 23rd 2013 new
(quote) Dave-146273 said: just my .02 first when you're talking about online.. the word "friends" can really have a broad definition..
and i agree.. sometimes people reach out to someone else just to simply say "Hi".
.. but i think a lot of people view messaging as a romantic gesture.. i've been know to be wrong tho.. lol
I wouldn't get discouraged though.. i have gotten to know a few ppl through the Forums that i send messages to sometimes..



Happy Birthday Dave.


Aug 23rd 2013 new
Don't give up ladies. Just trust God. Not everyone finds someone here but it's a great tool to meet people. It's all in God's timing. I know it can be a bit frustrating don't give up.
Aug 23rd 2013 new
(quote) Melissa-537851 said: ...If I message someone, I am not proposing marriage, for goodness sake. I am just saying, "Hey, let's talk. Let's be friends." So, likewise, if someone rebukes my messages....to me it is like saying that I am not even worth it to be friends with. And, my God, if you are not even worthy to be someone's friend, much less anything else....what is the point of being here?


Okay, I am going to get a ton of flack for this but here it is:

Why, as a woman of high value (which your beautiful profile clearly reflects), are you doing any initiating?

Ladies, WE are the prize here!

It is just my opinion and experience that if you represent yourself honestly in your profile, someone matching your interests is going to find you attractive and interesting. Then, if he has courage (and we all want a man with courage), he will take the next step and initiate contact with you. At that point, YOU can decide if the man that is showing interest is "worthy".

I say "worthy" because we, as women, must be very selective ~ Too many of our sisters are abused, or in some way hurting due to poor choices in men. Yes, this takes longer. Yes, it takes patience, but a BIG YES in that when that one man that "gets" you and is naturally attracted to you comes along, it is soooo worth the wait!

I can see the hate mail coming, but I just wanted to share that in my opinion, this is how it works best for me, not only on a dating site, but in the real world.

One more thing I want to add: As for "friends" I really think that is not being totally honest with our intentions. Speaking for myself, I have a ton of friends and did not join a DATING site to meet more. I am not here to make another buddy. Following that logic, when you reach out to a man on the pretext of "friendship" do you think it possible that he loses interest in you immediately as he is here to seek and find a girlfriend?
Aug 23rd 2013 new
(quote) Donna-1001468 said: Okay, I am going to get a ton of flack for this but here it is:

Why, as a woman of high value (which your beautiful profile clearly reflects), are you doing any initiating?

Ladies, WE are the prize here!

It is just my opinion and experience that if you represent yourself honestly in your profile, someone matching your interests is going to find you attractive and interesting. Then, if he has courage (and we all want a man with courage), he will take the next step and initiate contact with you. At that point, YOU can decide if the man that is showing interest is "worthy".

I say "worthy" because we, as women, must be very selective ~ Too many of our sisters are abused, or in some way hurting due to poor choices in men. Yes, this takes longer. Yes, it takes patience, but a BIG YES in that when that one man that "gets" you and is naturally attracted to you comes along, it is soooo worth the wait!

I can see the hate mail coming, but I just wanted to share that in my opinion, this is how it works best for me, not only on a dating site, but in the real world.

One more thing I want to add: As for "friends" I really think that is not being totally honest with our intentions. Speaking for myself, I have a ton of friends and did not join a DATING site to meet more. I am not here to make another buddy. Following that logic, when you reach out to a man on the pretext of "friendship" do you think it possible that he loses interest in you immediately as he is here to seek and find a girlfriend?
Men are prizes, too. If we do not view ourselves as such then why should women value us?

Why should a woman initiate? Maybe there is a man she finds interesting who has not come across her profile, or perhaps he has but is gun shy from receiving few replies from his messages. She could either wait until he writes or send him a note to grab his attention. Once contact has been established then it is up to the man to be more assertive.
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