This room is for supportive and informative discussion about divorce and/or the annulment process. All posters must have been previously divorced or annulled.
Saint Eugene De Mazenod is patron of dysfunctional families & Saint Fabiola obtained a divorce from her first husband prior to devoting her life to charitable works.
Learn More: Saint Eugene De Mazenod and Saint Fabiola
I would give anything for this not to be the case, but it is part of my life and part of who I am now. Any guy who can't handle some curveballs or crumbles under stress isn't for me. I can't be the only person who has an ex and ex issues that just won't go away. At what point do you let someone one know, "this is what a life with me will put you up against."?
I'm a pretty honest and open person anyway. I'd send it in a first message as far as I'm concerned, but that might be a little too honest for most people (not to mention its really the kind of thing I would want to have met someone in person first to at least make sure they are real. :)) It feels dishonest to keep such a large part of my life secret and hidden away without so much as a mention.
thanks for such a mature response to Anne's dilemma. As part of the 12 Step Spiritual Group, there is Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACA) & Dysfunctional Families. Again, thanks for sharing.
Long time member of Al-Anon myself, amazing program, I seriously try to convince everyone I know to go to a 12step group. CODA is a great group for anyone reading this who is interested in 12 steps but you don't have a qualifier for Al-Anon or other addiction specific groups. Anyway...
Thankfully I do not have children with my former husband. In this particular situation, there isn't anything for me to 'own' either. I'm happy and healthy, I deal well and appropriately with stress when it arises. I guess a better way to phrase the question... When would you want to know? Would you prefer someone was up front and err on the side of being brutally honest?
There have to be other people out there who have had to have a similar conversation. :)
When it comes to addiction, definitely the soon than later. If they haven't been clean and sober for about five years, I would consider moving on.
I love the 12 steps, specifically because of the spiritual side.
Let the man take the lead. I find that they tend to tell you more than you expect. If he opens the topic, (let's say he has a similar situation), then definitely let him know that you understand, and maybe disclose some of your own history. It's tricky, because he could be genuine, and he could be fishing. Too many people use online dating as a method of eliminating potential mates, not giving a person a chance.
Be very open to the possibility that you will now be single a long time, until this situation has been resolved. Most of all, don't do this alone. Give it up to God. Leave it up to God to let you know when to disclose this matter. Have a plan to resolve the situation, and get yourself "right" again.