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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
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Questions for your date.

Sep 16th 2013 new
I was just thinking.. dangerous I know.. but it had to be done eventually. laughing We are searching for a match for a potential spouse so why not ask deep thought provoking questions of our dates like they do at the pre-marriage sessions? So.. my search began. Here is what I found.

My Pre-Cana Questionnaire by Alena Dillon (writer, snorter, sitcom watcher)
"My friend was recently telling us about the 156 question standardized compatibility test he and his fiance were required to take by their parish as part of a pre-cana course. The questions encompassed topics including finances, sex, lifestyle expectations, and gender roles. Inspired by this, I decided to design my own pre-cana quiz that I believe can evaluate a couples suitability in only 15 questions. Feel free to apply this questionnaire to your own relationship unless of course you are already married and aren't in the mood for bad news..."
View this site to read the hilarious questions.

But for those that want to read a more serious set of questions you can do so there
Our Lady of Grace - Pittsburgh, PA

Or on to an initative of the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops website here "For Your Marriage" www.foryourmarriage.org

I personally love the first link and will be using that one with any potential suitor before I break out the harder questions. :D

By the way.. if you have any good questions that you like to ask your potential spouse/suitor/whatever.. please post them! Thanks and enjoy :)
Sep 16th 2013 new
Mary..........That first one is a little funny. laughing

Even though it was Yeeeeeeears ago, I do remember doing something similar like the second one. I also remember meeting with the decon on pre-requisit meetings. Maybe he was asking them. scratchchin
Sep 16th 2013 new
(quote) Mary-976718 said: I was just thinking.. dangerous I know.. but it had to be done eventually. We are searching for a match for a potential spouse so why not ask deep thought provoking questions of our dates like they do at the pre-marriage sessions? So.. my search began. Here is what I found.
My Pre-Cana Questionnaire by Alena Dillon (writer, snorter, sitcom watcher)"My friend was recently telling us about the 156 question standardized compatibility test he and his fiance were required to take by their parish as part of a pre-cana course. The questions encompassed topics including finances, sex, lifestyle expectations, and gender roles. Inspired by this, I decided to design my own pre-cana quiz that I believe can evaluate a couples suitability in only 15 questions. Feel free to apply this questionnaire to your own relationship unless of course you are already married and aren't in the mood for bad news..."View this site to read the hilarious questions.http://alenadillon.com/2012/06/01/my-pre-cana-questionnaire/
But for those that want to read a more serious set of questions you can do so there Our Lady of Grace - Pittsburgh, PAhttp://www.olgscott.org/PRE_CANA_INSTRUCTIONAL_SESSIONS_INVENTORY.pdf
Or on to an initative of the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops website here "For Your Marriage" http://www.foryourmarriage.org/dating-engaged/must-have-conversations/
I personally love the first link and will be using that one with any potential suitor before I break out the harder questions. :D

By the way.. if you have any good questions that you like to ask your potential spouse/suitor/whatever.. please post them! Thanks and enjoy :)
thx for offering those 'perfect' questions
Sep 16th 2013 new
Mary,

Thank you for these links rose .

I am so with you on this--recently learning the hard way--Providentially and coincidentally I just received 3 books two days ago! I am on the same wavelength--I whole heartedly believe that if potential spouse or suitor has pure intentions and depth of interest they will not only embrace the process but encourage it too--because its in everyone's best interest--and truly the caring, intentional & fun thing to do--to make honest appraisal.

Lies, secrets and withholding/omitting important information while promising love, marriage is not of the Lord in any way--and deceptive/misleading rolling eyes That just spells Divorce and is leading toward a very unhealthy, potentially abusive situation irked . Not what any of us are looking for. Kindness, love and true friendship is a shared joy heart . If I find my abundant joy being stolen or muddied-that is a flag that something is not quite right in dodge eyebrow . So, I claim my joy back and learn to ask more questions, listen & watch the answers in words/actions--and proceed with caution shhh . As a beloved daughter of the KING of KINGS my heart resides in HIS sacred heart -it is the most beautiful, loving, healing place to meet theheart . This I trust without question! There is no point in lying, how does that serve suitor or the one being courted? It is misleading at best, abusive at worst---and going no where fast.

There are questions in these books that cut through all the BS to the truth of almost any situation-- Suitors can love you but not be capable of commitment- especially if self disclosure is a issue. Promises, affection, potential & future talk does not make for a good marriage-nor does keeping secrets or omitting important information--but a sincere desire to learn about one another and self disclose-revealing your strengths, weaknesses, desires, dreams, hurts and joys is a beautiful discovery that deepens our hearts and relationships. This is the only way to build a solid foundation and assessment. It must be equal investment of the heart-and desire to learn and remain teachable, humility and kindness. I will know my husband by his integrity, courage and honesty.

It is a BIG red flag if suitor does not share of him/her self, ask/answer/offer questions and introduce you to family & friends while also listening to concerns & honestly confronting & addressing concerns that come from questions in books or naturally. Accountability is big too--if suitor is not accountable or shifting blame on you- even avoiding questions or not willing to offer solution, calm fears etc then all the gifts, dates and words (while romantic will seem empty) can't light a fire to true depth, humor and sharing of lives/moments. I have also learned that my heart does not lie, it is pure -and if something does not jive-there is a reason why I am feeling that way- I will usually address the doubt as it arrives, and give the other a chance to explain. The Holy Spirit is guiding my heart & protecting me. If asking a question or giving another a chance is in order so be it--but more often than not--it means I need to let go and let God. People always eventually show true colors. The key is to find out before engagement and hopefully before walking down the isle. Jesus, I trust in you.

I have learned the hard way that I need to ask way more questions and listen to my heart if actions/words don't match up --Honesty is a non negotiable-we are all imperfect & blessed, hopefully we have enough love for our Lord, self and others to be truthful. There is nothing more attractive and marriage minded then depth & transparency, even imperfections-if there is open heart, accountability & willingness to confront issues as needed. The sooner questions are shared, the sooner you can move forward or let go with certainty that you are both bringing the best of your selves to the table-to sort out if you are compatible. I have said it before, lack of transparency comes across as selfishness--it winds up feeling empty & void of depth, intention and heart. It also makes my heart sorrowful, and we then have the gift of tears--

TO BE or NOT to BE, THAT is the question :) Check these out!

1) 101 Questions to Ask Before You Get Engaged-- H. Norman Wright
In this book you find out about each others spiritual journies, handle finances, previous relationships & breakups, potentially annoying habits & patterns.

2) 1001 Questions to Ask Before You Get Married-Monica Mendez Leahy
Interactive, multiple choice, fill in the blank, hypothetical, --Your Past, Parents/Inlaws, Significant others, Children, Perpectives, Daily Life/Lifestyle, Leisure, Physical Intimacy, Emotional Intimacy, Special Situations (criminals, non-citizens, celebrities, significant age diff younger or older), Wedding, Marriage builders & breakers.

3) Things I wish I'd Known Before We Got Married- Gary Chapman (5 Love Languages)
Being in love not enough to make successful marriage
Romantic Love has two stages (how to transition)
Mutual Sexual Fulfillment is not automatic
Personality profoundly affects behavior
Forgiveness is not a feeling
Apologizing is a source of strength
Toilets are not self cleaning



St Raphael, pray for us! Our Sorrowful Mother, pray for us! Sacred Heart of Jesus, have mercy on us!

theheart Lisa

Sep 16th 2013 new
Wow Lisa, thanks so much for your response. I really think we are on the right track here! biggrin
Sep 16th 2013 new
The Exclamation: The Wise Choice of a Spouse for Catholic Marriage by Patricia Wrona has a list of questions to ask yourself before you commit to marry someone. I found it a helpful and informative book.
Sep 16th 2013 new
Thanks for the laugh, Mary. I enjoyed a good laugh laughing
Sep 16th 2013 new
"Will you/I be there no matter what?"
Sep 17th 2013 new
I agree with you 99.9 percent Lisa. With only one small "but". I have this phlegmatic "friend", who might gulp a little, sitting at Starbucks, on a first meeting, across the table from a feisty, sanguine Italian with a book of 1000 questions. Might think of running out of there like George Castanza during an apartment fire. C'mon now, all you direct folks, some people are not open books right away. Some (not me of course, don't be silly) need a little time to dish the personal stuff.
Sep 17th 2013 new
Michael,

You have a law background for Pete's sake-- you should be great at asking and answering! Don't worry George -- no need to dish all at once and this feisty Ital- Irish- Greek has no intention of hitting you with 1000 questions all at once, we have 101 to get through first ;). There is a natural pace and unfolding-- mutual interest, give and take. This direct north easterner understands Everyone has a different process- but a process nonetheless -- rapport and communication should be built within in a reasonable time-- and even us sanguines require some depth to properly discern --or there will be many Elaine type predicaments !
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