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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Oct 12th 2013 new
(quote) Kaj-392356 said: Thanks for the post Kristen, I agree with you. A profile can only offer a short view but not the whole picture, and to be attracted to someone takes considering all that they have, not just surface parts. Like you said people are looking for the complete package in a profile and that won't exist. At least you have meet some people face to face, I admire that you did so, it's easy to hide behind a profile.
CM isn't Facebook where you "like"someone's post, they are people and need to be communicated with in the real world. Something I am guilty of myself
Totally agree, Kaj. I think this is partially the purpose I hoped my post would serve - that more would be inspired to consider meeting others face to face and be open to people who may not have a super stunning profile but seem to be a normal and good people. And to consider that chemistry doesn't develop by looking at a profile - rather it only happens face to face!
Oct 12th 2013 new
The most a profile can do is intrigue someone to want to get to know us better. Then somebody's gotta DO something.
Oct 12th 2013 new
I believe I received your point that many opportunities may be lost because of preconceptions. That there is far more to persons than meet the eyes on CM. Maybe your message will embolden some guys and open up some gals to follow up on a good hunch. I'm sure others have practical restraints, not just a small town, but time, money, or children that precludes them from being able to pursue attractive person. That, to me, is the whole point of the forums and chat rooms, besides making new friends and exercising creativity. That is, simulate as best as possible, the spirited, dynamic, flowing, reciprocal exchange between persons so that everyone involved may save unnecessary expense. As much as some folks complain about CM being a waste of money. It costs less than one good or two modest dates. I already made, through inspiration and entertainment value alone, my money back on the first week.
Oct 12th 2013 new
(quote) Kristen-878108 said: Totally agree, Kaj. I think this is partially the purpose I hoped my post would serve - that more would be inspired to consider meeting others face to face and be open to people who may not have a super stunning profile but seem to be a normal and good people. And to consider that chemistry doesn't develop by looking at a profile - rather it only happens face to face!
Some people have AMAZING profiles though. I admire them.
Oct 12th 2013 new
I suppose CM is like everything else in life...(if you haven't figured me out yet, I cannot help but think of the Divine Liturgy)...you get exactly out of it what you put into it. Actually, with the Liturgy it is exponential. Because CM has so many wonderfully blessed souls, I am certain it is exponential as well.
Oct 12th 2013 new
(quote) David-174079 said: I believe I received your point that many opportunities may be lost because of preconceptions. That there is far more to persons than meet the eyes on CM. Maybe your message will embolden some guys and open up some gals to follow up on a good hunch. I'm sure others have practical restraints, not just a small town, but time, money, or children that precludes them from being able to pursue attractive person. That, to me, is the whole point of the forums and chat rooms, besides making new friends and exercising creativity. That is, simulate as best as possible, the spirited, dynamic, flowing, reciprocal exchange between persons so that everyone involved may save unnecessary expense. As much as some folks complain about CM being a waste of money. It costs less than one good or two modest dates. I already made, through inspiration and entertainment value alone, my money back on the first week.
You make some good points David! Money and time hinder the best of romantic intentions! And the community on CM is definitely a plus!
Oct 12th 2013 new
The medium is certainly a very big problem, but it could be surmounted much better than it typically is here. CM profiles are, as a rule, lamentably banal. They're full of vague generalities and lack specific details of the type that might seek to illumine anything really credible about the person - the kind of details that might actually lead to some real interest in meeting someone.

In four years here there have been only a couple times when a profile made me actually have a concrete desire to meet someone, as opposed to just informing me that some young lady happened to check off all the basic criteria I happen to be looking for. I contact the women in the later group, to be sure, but the first is certainly more exciting! On another site I am familiar with, there are really great profiles, with lots of interesting details and anecdotes, and I often come across people whom I would like to meet, if not date since the religious aspect is almost always a problem. To be fair, it could be much, much worse than it is [speaking strictly of banality here, not about all the truly dastardly stuff out there].


Oct 12th 2013 new
(quote) Adam-399324 said: The medium is certainly a very big problem, but it could be surmounted much better than it typically is here. CM profiles are, as a rule, lamentably banal. They're full of vague generalities and lack specific details of the type that might seek to illumine anything really credible about the person - the kind of details that might actually lead to some real interest in meeting someone.

In four years here there have been only a couple times when a profile made me actually have a concrete desire to meet someone, as opposed to just informing me that some young lady happened to check off all the basic criteria I happen to be looking for. I contact the women in the later group, to be sure, but the first is certainly more exciting! On another site I am familiar with, there are really great profiles, with lots of interesting details and anecdotes, and I often come across people whom I would like to meet, if not date since the religious aspect is almost always a problem. To be fair, it could be much, much worse than it is [speaking strictly of banality here, not about all the truly dastardly stuff out there].


Adam, I'm glad you contact women even when their profiles are banal - I'm sure you have found some hidden treasures!
Oct 12th 2013 new
Hi again, Kristen,

This seems like a good context to recycle the famous JPII quote:

There is no dignity when the human dimension is eliminated from the person. In short, the problem with pornography is not that it shows too much of the person, but that it shows far too little.




Is this what you are intuiting? That a person's human dimension can be diminished by the Internet medium? One's humanity is not eliminated, but I do feel objectification and isolation of parts (face, words) from the whole person can distort reality. On the other hand, I think CM, unlike a bar scene, can serve to magnify the beauty of the mind, heart and soul. Giving truly intelligent, morally good, and inwardly beautiful a safe place to shine!







Oct 12th 2013 new
(quote) Kristen-878108 said: Just wondering if this is part of the challenge of online dating. So far my experience has been that I am much more attracted to the men I've been in contact with after meeting them then I was by looking at their profile and picture. Interacting with him and seeing his mannerisms can bump up the level of attraction a great deal! Perhaps it's not possible to really be attracted to someone from a profile? And perhaps this is the reason there seem to be persons on here who are frustrated with the process - because the "complete package" of who they are cannot be communicated effectively in their profile?
Every word in the profile should be absolutely true. When I first got into this online dating, I tried to write it so that a man could not confront me at a later time and say that I lied. I guess that was my standard, so I was vague, but truthful.

As my experiences with online dating occurred over the years, I learned a few lessons. It really doesn't matter (to some extent) what's in the profile, emails, etc., what matters is the F2F. That's really Day One in the relationship. You usually sit there and try to reconcile in your mind that the person that you knew on paper is actually the person who is sitting right in front of you. This also occurs with the initial phone call. Ideally, a person is consistent, from profile to emails, to chats, to phone calls, to meeting in person. The glowing profile means nothing if he doesn't treat you right, period. It's very easy to create a false persona on paper, which is why I don't place a lot of credence into a profile. Yes, I expect it to be the truth, but I guess that I am not going to be as impressed over them as I used to be. I have been fortunate to meet some CM men, and I will say that the ones who I knew from the Forums were pretty much what I expected. I will tell you, though, it's waay too tempting to talk about the Forums when you meet a fellow Forum person! laughing

So, anyway, it's more important to watch what a man does (watch his feet), than what he says. Most of us will take action over pretty words any day! wink



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