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A place to learn, mingle, and share

Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Oct 13th 2013 new
Hi Kristen, you have gotten some really good advice here, from which I've learned a lot too.

I will only add, this is the reason I try for a phone call early on (or at least a text, or best of all, Skype). In this way, she and I each have the chance to make a choice early. Of course, the choice is not about value (we are all God's children committed to Christ), but a choice about compatibility. Also, I have found that those who are not interested in talking or viewing are not really ready to explore, or otherwise, not that interested in me, which is just fine. I take no offense, and I appreciate the honesty.

God bless, Doug
Oct 13th 2013 new
(quote) Kathy-99973 said: Every word in the profile should be absolutely true. When I first got into this online dating, I tried to write it so that a man could not confront me at a later time and say that I lied. I guess that was my standard, so I was vague, but truthful.

As my experiences with online dating occurred over the years, I learned a few lessons. It really doesn't matter (to some extent) what's in the profile, emails, etc., what matters is the F2F. That's really Day One in the relationship. You usually sit there and try to reconcile in your mind that the person that you knew on paper is actually the person who is sitting right in front of you. This also occurs with the initial phone call. Ideally, a person is consistent, from profile to emails, to chats, to phone calls, to meeting in person. The glowing profile means nothing if he doesn't treat you right, period. It's very easy to create a false persona on paper, which is why I don't place a lot of credence into a profile. Yes, I expect it to be the truth, but I guess that I am not going to be as impressed over them as I used to be. I have been fortunate to meet some CM men, and I will say that the ones who I knew from the Forums were pretty much what I expected. I will tell you, though, it's waay too tempting to talk about the Forums when you meet a fellow Forum person!

So, anyway, it's more important to watch what a man does (watch his feet), than what he says. Most of us will take action over pretty words any day!



Great advice, Kathy!
Oct 13th 2013 new
(quote) Michelle-860764 said: It would be nice if Catholic Match could offer an option to upload a video from Youtube or something instead of just photos on the profile.

Maybe people could read their profiles on video or something. I wonder how many people would do it?
They did have a video option in the past.It was short lived though.Not sure why.
Oct 13th 2013 new
(quote) Mark-973089 said: Yes you can be attracted to somebody's profile and feel that they are the one for you and I have felt that way before with some women on here. But it is all for nothing if they are not willing to contact you back and meet you halfway

Mark
Hi Mark,
Yes, you are so right - that is the risk involved in this process. I am sorry this has happened to you. I hear this sentiment expressed from many men and wonder what the harm is for women in responding? I will always respond if no immediate impediment to the relationship pops out on the man's profile. I've realized a number of times now that profiles often just aren't accurate pictures of who the person is and that I might be missing a great opportunity by not responding. Good luck to you Mark! God bless!
Oct 13th 2013 new
(quote) Ana-1009178 said: Kathy, you have matches from Miami?? I don't!

P.S. I am not surprised.
Thank you, Ana! hug I must clarify, I don't pay too much attention to the Matches, but my default Primary Search includes, of course, Miami. For most Miamians, to go south to the Keys is like going to Mars (unless they do so regularly), which I understand. I've met CM men from the Keys, and they were very nice, but "not ready" for many reasons, which, of course, is also o.k. It's a journey that we all have to travel, and find those as ready as we are (or will wait).

Oct 13th 2013 new
(quote) Kathy-99973 said: Thank you, Ana! I must clarify, I don't pay too much attention to the Matches, but my default Primary Search includes, of course, Miami. For most Miamians, to go south to the Keys is like going to Mars (unless they do so regularly), which I understand. I've met CM men from the Keys, and they were very nice, but "not ready" for many reasons, which, of course, is also o.k. It's a journey that we all have to travel, and find those as ready as we are (or will wait).

Kathy, my children and I love going south to the Keys. As a matter of fact, we will be meeting my parents there for Thanksgiving this year. We are so excited!! biggrin

I hope you are having a lovely weekend!! hug
Oct 13th 2013 new
(quote) David-174079 said: Hi again, Kristen,

This seems like a good context to recycle the famous JPII quote:

There is no dignity when the human dimension is eliminated from the person. In short, the problem with pornography is not that it shows too much of the person, but that it shows far too little.
― John Paul II

Is this what you are intuiting? That a person's human dimension can be diminished by the Internet medium? One's humanity is not eliminated, but I do feel objectification and isolation of parts (face, words) from the whole person can distort reality. On the other hand, I think CM, unlike a bar scene, can serve to magnify the beauty of the mind, heart and soul. Giving truly intelligent, morally good, and inwardly beautiful a safe place to shine!







Hi David,

Thanks for sharing that quote! Hmm...while I'm not sure that I intended such a strong indictment of the online process as to compare it to pornography, I do think you are correct that there are some similarities. One can start to have an approach to this process akin to "online shopping" where one scrolls through profiles until one appears with the right look and style. (I say this being guilty of this behavior myself) The temptation is that one can become cavalier with the hearts of those behind those profiles, not taking time to truly SEE the person. This is a very self-defeating attitude because one stops looking for a fitting companion and spouse but instead starts to evaluate persons according to "Seinfeldesque" (I am not happy with this formulation - please someone improve upon it! wink) qualities, ruling out people willy-nilly for pointless reasons. The end result is that the person becomes isolated in a world of self-defined perfectionism (often not evaluating if he or she is capable of attracting a person of the high standards the person demands), never risking to truly KNOW another person, and hiding behind the sad fiction that "there are no good ones out there." How can this be discerned if one has not truly risked to know the other and give them a chance?

So the short answer to your post is, yes David, I think you are right! tongue

I am truly grateful for CM's Forums, as they add a humanizing quality to the online dating process. A sense of the person behind the profile is easier to discern! The longer I'm here the more convinced I become that if I am to meet someone it is probably going to happen at the grocery store or it will be the slow and steady deepening of a good friendship to Love. God bless!
Oct 13th 2013 new
(quote) Doug-974859 said: Hi Kristen, you have gotten some really good advice here, from which I've learned a lot too.

I will only add, this is the reason I try for a phone call early on (or at least a text, or best of all, Skype). In this way, she and I each have the chance to make a choice early. Of course, the choice is not about value (we are all God's children committed to Christ), but a choice about compatibility. Also, I have found that those who are not interested in talking or viewing are not really ready to explore, or otherwise, not that interested in me, which is just fine. I take no offense, and I appreciate the honesty.

God bless, Doug
Hi Doug,

You have a smart approach to this process! I am sure with such an open and positive attitude you will find Love soon! God bless!
Oct 13th 2013 new
(quote) Zachary-1017519 said: All right, I'll jump in here to offer my own views on things. A few quick hits on where I'm coming from:

A. I'm in the process of converting. Like, towards the beginning. My understanding of things is limited at best as it comes to the faith.
B. But I have been online dating at other sites before. I've only just (literally just an hour ago) paid for this one. Simply because it's my birthday, one, and I figure dating with faith first is a better option than anything else. At the very least I won't have to discuss my sexual preferences (hint: none, as I'm a virgin and I've only broadcasted that EVERYWHERE on your dating site and you still don't get it ... but that's a tangent for another day).
C. Haven't had much luck at all in the dating realm for years so anything I say should be taken with a huge grain of salt.


Okay, all that out of the way, my thoughts on this particular subject:

Is it possible to be attracted from a profile? For me, the answer is yes. It's been my experience that the people I interact with online I get along with just as well offline most of the time. A profile, especially on a dating site like this, is designed to get viewed. So, people upload pretty pictures and deck out their profiles with some good prose (if they want to).

I'm a guy, so we're wired visually, and if there's a pretty face there, I'll click. Being on this site makes me not dread the faith based aspect of this (because it's virtually guaranteed to match in the big areas), but there are certain details in the profile that I look at. One, the writing. Is it competent? You don't have to be a writing maestro, but being decent in text is a must for me. Perhaps the arrogance of youth.

Two, are you interesting/different? I've viewed a lot of profiles that all just run together on other sites because they gals there seem to be all into the same stuff. Having something that stands out individually is a plus and shows effort, I think.

That's all I got. I think part of the hazard of online dating is just clicking through tons of profiles and finding nothing but the same stuff. I've done plenty of that. Would face to face meetings be better? Maybe for some, but I'm horribly awkward face to face without some groundwork, a bit of pretext. I just tend to freeze. My thoughts.
Welcome Zach, and Happy Birthday!
Oct 13th 2013 new
(quote) Joan-529855 said: I have been waiting for someone, anyone? to address David's post. I believe that CM is unfortunately too similar to pornography because the focus is still on the "visual", even WITH the forums and honest? profiles and, as JPII stated, it eliminates the human dimension and leaves a person with little dignity. Nothing, not even skype, can take the place of face to face interaction with an opportunity to observe behaviors in action. Nothing will ever take the place of REAL humans meeting other REAL humans.
Thanks for responding to this great post, and for prodding me on to respond too! wink I appreciate your emphasis on face to face interaction. God bless!
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