I never would have thought of asking a man for a hard copy of his testing results, normally I take his word for it when he says he is a virgin or that he doesn't have any STDs. Guess I am more naive than I thought:) I also heard that you can get STDs from public jacuzzis, so I guess you really can't ever be too safe then.
Thank you for such wonderful advice and encouragement, I know I will always remember you for it.:) it's always good to have a friendly reminder to never settle for less than what God wants for us and to realize that we do deserve a devout and loving Catholic.
This is a very good question for virgins and non-virgins alike. There are those who have remained chaste and those questions are going to be easily answered. I truly hope you find someone who has been chaste as well.
But in case you do meet someone who has lived a different life before they came to know Christ, I think the question should come up when you feel the relationship is going in a serious direction. So if you meet a guy, you go out a few times and there is no interest (either on his part of yours), the question is unnecessary. But if you get to the point where you are meeting families, spending every weekend together or connecting every day, then the question should be brought up when you are having a serious conversation. If he has been "active," then by all means ask him that if it is possible the relationship is moving toward marriage, would he please get tested for every possible outcome of his encounter. You can be very kind and non-judgmental in your request. If he has come to know you by this point, he will understand your concern and respect your request. If he gets really angry and defensive, then you may want to rethink your relationship with him, not just because of his past, but because that is a red flag.
Blessings on your search!
in my Op there is a difference between "dating" (a process of discernment through which you're finding out about that person), and a "romantic courtship" (where you're discerning Marriage).
I think if you're spending enough time together, talking about and doing a multitude of things, your views on lifestyles should come up in conversation... one of the first questions i would consider asking is how the other person "practices their faith". This opens up the door and allows a lot of opportunity to discuss "the theology of the body", gender roles in a relationship, Sacraments, etc.etc. If all else fails.. a simple question such as "what are your views on pre-marital sex?" It's all about dialogue and giving each other the chance to explain what they think, ask questions, and learn from each other.
Thank you so much for your advice! I feel extremely blessed that I found a dating site that has such a strong and supportive community. This gives me a lot of hope and motivation
I think it is safe to say that I am going to remember all of you that helped me :)
I would have to say that this is one of the biggest issues with CM; you have no idea what the reputation is of the person you are communicating with. I knew the man I married for several years before marriage (we were both active in the NEwman Center on the university campus), but I also knew that he had fallen from the Church during his high school years (the time when he had casual sex). Unfortunately the choices he made during those formative years will haunt him for the rest of his life, HOWEVER it does not mean that he is doomed to final damnation. He struggles every day with sexual sin (porn/casual sex). I pray for his soul every day.
THis is an EXCELLENT question!! And blessings to you.