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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Oct 20th 2013 new
Man, I really need to read the whole thread before commenting... I see Michelle answered Angela before I responded...
Oct 20th 2013 new
(quote) Richard-15378 said: Tonite really made me think about throwing in the towel ... I just came back from about the billionth wedding/reception that I have gone to alone ... Tonite I would say I was just about the only person there over the age of 30 who was alone .. It is tough to see everyone with their spouse or girlfriend or whoever, and yet you are alone... Makes you wonder where you fit anymore, as it is so different that being single at a young age ... At least then you can tell yourself there is still time, but when time has indeed passed and nothing has changed, well it is hard to stomach ... Weird to see young people you knew as little kids now grown up and getting married .. It's like they have "passed you" on the road of life and you are just stuck in a ditch ... I don't know, but the weddings just seem to emphasize all that's missing in my life .... So, maybe it is better to toss that towel and face reality rather than continue to think things are still possible ,,,
The first thing I thought when I read your post was -wow!You've got a lot of friends!I've been to one Wedding in the last 14 years...try to turn it around and feel really happy for them instead?
Oct 20th 2013 new
(quote) Leon-593843 said:

You should never have to fight for a relationship to work. If you have expressed your feelings, then he should do likewise. If he is hesitant or just seems to lead you on then ask him if he wishes a relationship with you. Some women spend a lot of time on something that is never going to happen.  They keep you hanging while they are searching for something better. How long are you willing to compromise your self-worth and self-esteem?

Obviously, some men are naturally shy and some fear rejection. Nonetheless, there comes a time when they have to take a stand.

You're the best Leon. As always, you give the best comments and advise.

I have had plenty of conversations with people in which they've admitted to me that they know their girlfriend (or boyfriend) is "not the one". They don't have an answer for me when I ask why they waste their girlfriends/boyfriends time and play with their emotions.

Your statement "you should never have to fight for a relationship to work" is about the truest I've heard. I feel now that if I'm struggling to get his attention, or to be be treated the way I feel I should be treated, or if there are rivals or if things just don't feel right, that I should listen to my gut and know this is not the one for me. Things should flow more smoothly if the relationship is the right one.

I wish I understood this when I was younger. I could have saved myself a lot of grief since the signs so plainly in front of me. I hope the young women and men here can learn from the mistakes of others.

You are an asset here Leon. God bless you too.

Oct 20th 2013 new
(quote) John-971967 said: You should accept reality when that "certain someone" tells you they are not interested. What you may cling to as "hope" beyond that point would be more like folly.
I'm glad no one ever told me to stop pursuing Jesus and that Jesus wants us to pursue Him. What would we do without hope? Thank you Jesus.

Jeremiah 29:11

New American Standard Bible (NASB)

11 For I know the plans that I [a]have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.

1 Corinthians 13:13

New American Standard Bible (NASB)

13 But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the [a]greatest of these is love.

Psalm 39:7

New American Standard Bible (NASB)

7 And now, Lord, for what do I wait?
My hope is in You.

Oct 20th 2013 new
(quote) Michelle-860764 said: I'm glad no one ever told me to stop pursuing Jesus and that Jesus wants us to pursue Him. What would we do without hope? Thank you Jesus.

I thought that you said there was some particular guy - other than Jesus - that you had in mind. You are confusing me!!!!!

Oh, wait, why am I confused???
Oct 20th 2013 new
(quote) John-971967 said: You should accept reality when that "certain someone" tells you they are not interested. What you may cling to as "hope" beyond that point would be more like folly.
John, I agree, once someone tells you they are not interested you should accept reality, unfortunately many times their words don't match their actions. For example, I was in a relationship in which he said he was no longer interested in me as a "mate" but wanted to remain amicable. Then he proceeded to call me, text me, ect. every time he needed someone for emotional support. He knew my feelings for him were strong and continued to use me to get his emotional needs met. Finally I had to tell him that I would no longer be taking his calls or reading his texts/emails because he was using me for his emotional support and I was not benefiting from the arrangement in any way (he did not give me any emotional support; it was all about him). This is what JPII calls the opposite of love, use; using someone for your own gain.
Oct 20th 2013 new
(quote) Michelle-860764 said: When should we throw in the towel in our attempt to try to meet a certain someone we are attracted to? Is there ever a time to give up hope?

Thank you.

Yes. Speaking from experience, I will add what I know. I have found that there are three signals, that as a lady, point to the fact that it is time to move on, without question: 1. He does not respond to your communication, takes significant intervals, such as two weeks or longer, before responding, misses appointments made with you, or attempts to change plans in a significant manner, at the 11th hour. This is a strong indication of disinterest, insufficient interest, or a lack of respect for you. Sometimes people just become busy with life events, need a good deal of space without communication, or perhaps he is interested in others. In any event, men who are interested in a woman, will almost always respond in some way. I realize that I am arming the other side (men) with this information, but I am not proposing that women should necessarily inherently know this information, and act upon it accordingly. Men who disappear without comment are acting without proper manners, and should be avoided altogether. I realize that finding out that mature men may act in this way, may be quite a surprise for good Catholic women, who are raised properly, and with good character.
Oct 20th 2013 new
The second indication is if he clearly states, directly to you, that he is interested in another woman, is currently dating another woman, and most importantly of all, if it is clear that he is on a date with another woman. The last deserves no mercy at all, and if this would happen while I am on a date, I would not hesitate to calmly, but clearly, indicate to the woman, that he and I are currently on a date, e.g., (and so she should move on...)
Oct 20th 2013 new
The third, is that a woman should move on when his behavior or his words are way out of step. If he clearly apologizes for the behavior, and knows that it was incorrect, then it is worth consideration to forgive and forget, but if this happens often, it may not be easily changed. Many men (and women too) are resistant to changing their behaviors. Usually, an indication by someone else, that the behavior is not tolerable, will be met with resistance, as usually the man, or the woman, does not find any fault with the behavior. Since it is so very difficult to change someone else's poor behavior, it may be much less painful in the long-run, to simply move on.
Oct 20th 2013 new
(quote) Jan-805954 said: Right on, Leon. I finally learned this late in life, but I think I understand now that trying to please a man or wait for him to decide if there is someone better out there is a total waste of my time. If God intends for me to have mate, a holy man will enter my life who is happy to be in relationship with me and his attention will never cause a doubt about his intentions. Just my two cents!
I agree wholeheartedly with this statement. Sometimes I do wonder if men are cut out for long-term relationships with women. If he is assuming that you should have to compete with other women, for HIM, then that is where I would exit. Some men do enjoy having that kind of status. Being a part of a lineup is not something that I have ever been interested in doing. When he is discerning, that should be done swiftly and very quietly on his part. If it takes him too long too discern, or if he drags you through the mud (pointing out his perception of your faults along the way) in doing so, that is also a good time to make a final exit.
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