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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

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Can a person be too nice?

Oct 29th 2013 new
I think so and sometimes it can be frustrating. I have an older sister who is a real sweetheart. But, sometimes, ack. For instance, while leaving a nice family function that she hosted, she'll ask you if you want any leftovers. When you politely decline, she gives you food anyway! Another time, a group of us were at a restaurant. Three of us ordered white wine. The waitress brought the drinks over but said she had to go back to get one more glass of wine. Right away, my sister pushed her glass of wine over to my other sister. She didn't want her to wait one minute! I invited this same sister out to lunch for her birthday. She said yes. When I came over, my BIL was loading the car to take my nephew to his soccer game. My sister asked me (in front of the others) if I wanted to go to the soccer game (45 minutes away!) I really didn't, but felt put on the spot. She didn't want to miss her son's game and wanted to help her husband. But she couldn't say no to me. So I ended up spending the whole day with them. I really just wanted to treat her to lunch.

What about being too nice in dating?
Oct 29th 2013 new
I think too much 'politeness' can be a bad thing in dating... it helps to know if someone doesn't appreciate something as much as you, or doesn't care for something like you do. Then again I am one for straightforwardness.

An example would be in a relationship would be someone who is a horrible cook makes a meal that their partner instinctually doesn't like, but their partner in the relationship eats it anyway, praising them for their hard work, and is served this dish every day for a year without complaint out of politeness.
Yes it speaks volumes of their dedication but it also touches on the issue of honesty and disclosure of things that do affect the relationship.

Some people needlessly cause them selves to suffer unbeknownst to others, and a good honest dialog would do wonders where politeness can sometimes get in the way.
Oct 29th 2013 new
I have been accused of being "too nice" many times so I have curtailed my "niceness". The overly nice person is a people pleaser; we try to please people because it boosts our low self esteem. There you have it folks, all of that niceness is really just a selfish way of trying to feel good about ourselves.


Oct 29th 2013 new
(quote) Joan-529855 said: The overly nice person is a people pleaser; we try to please people because it boosts our low self esteem.


Or the truly humble.
Oct 29th 2013 new
(quote) Jerry-74383 said: Or the truly humble.
I hope this is the case.
Oct 29th 2013 new
(quote) Matthew-849350 said: I think too much 'politeness' can be a bad thing in dating... it helps to know if someone doesn't appreciate something as much as you, or doesn't care for something like you do. Then again I am one for straightforwardness.

An example would be in a relationship would be someone who is a horrible cook makes a meal that their partner instinctually doesn't like, but their partner in the relationship eats it anyway, praising them for their hard work, and is served this dish every day for a year without complaint out of politeness.
Yes it speaks volumes of their dedication but it also touches on the issue of honesty and disclosure of things that do affect the relationship.

Some people needlessly cause them selves to suffer unbeknownst to others, and a good honest dialog would do wonders where politeness can sometimes get in the way.
I think you are on to something. And welcome!

I can understand a guy sitting through a gooey chick flick because the girl he likes really wanted to see it. Or a girl going to a Nascar race because the guy was dying to go. You want to make someone you like happy. But to never speak up can lead to frustration and resentment.

I think "Dear Abby" said when people who are always giving don't get what they want in return, they feel cheated.
Oct 29th 2013 new
(quote) Julie-42315 said: I think so and sometimes it can be frustrating. I have an older sister who is a real sweetheart. But, sometimes, ack. For instance, while leaving a nice family function that she hosted, she'll ask you if you want any leftovers. When you politely decline, she gives you food anyway! Another time, a group of us were at a restaurant. Three of us ordered white wine. The waitress brought the drinks over but said she had to go back to get one more glass of wine. Right away, my sister pushed her glass of wine over to my other sister. She didn't want her to wait one minute! I invited this same sister out to lunch for her birthday. She said yes. When I came over, my BIL was loading the car to take my nephew to his soccer game. My sister asked me (in front of the others) if I wanted to go to the soccer game (45 minutes away!) I really didn't, but felt put on the spot. She didn't want to miss her son's game and wanted to help her husband. But she couldn't say no to me. So I ended up spending the whole day with them. I really just wanted to treat her to lunch.

What about being too nice in dating?
Definitely! Totally agree. And sometimes their "niceness" (people pleasing) ends up making things more difficult for everybody (as your last story attests). I could certainly see where such behavior could be problematic in dating, either by not being honest with the other person about your true feelings (maybe feigning an interest that isn't there) or not sharing the "real you" because the person is too busy trying to please the other.
Oct 29th 2013 new
I don't think a person can be "too nice". Politeness, good manners, and conducting oneself in an appropriate manner are all very good things, and we don't see enough of those things in our world.

However, there are behaviours that are not really very nice at all, like where the person thinks they are being nice or where they are masking their behaviours with a facade of "nice". Passive aggressive behaviours of forcing leftovers on people who don't really want them are forceful behaviours and not nice ones. Sometimes you just have to grin and bear it in those situations in order to keep peace amongst friends and family, however.

In general, as I am not speaking to anyone's personal situation, taking advantage of people and allowing oneself to be taken advantage of are not "nice" behaviours either. Doing something with a smile does not make it right. Also, when you let people walk all over you, you are not being "nice" to yourself, you are allowing others to use your kindness so that they can abuse you. In this situation, you are not being "too nice", rather you are being too nave and too foolish.
Oct 29th 2013 new
(quote) Angela-374523 said:  Sometimes you just have to grin and bear it in those situations in order to keep peace amongst friends and family, however.


I agree and we do. Oh dear, another time this nice sister slept over another sister's house. She said she would get bagels the next morning for everyone for breakfast. The other sister said no it wasn't necessary, she had plenty of food for breakfast. The next morning, the super nice sister sneaks out of the house early, buys bagels, and accidentally sets off the house alarm getting back into the house. It made a racket and woke everyone up! eyepopping After she was told, "no, don't bother" she had to do something nice anyway. Oh goodness. laughing
Oct 29th 2013 new
(quote) Julie-42315 said: I think so and sometimes it can be frustrating. I have an older sister who is a real sweetheart. But, sometimes, ack. For instance, while leaving a nice family function that she hosted, she'll ask you if you want any leftovers. When you politely decline, she gives you food anyway! Another time, a group of us were at a restaurant. Three of us ordered white wine. The waitress brought the drinks over but said she had to go back to get one more glass of wine. Right away, my sister pushed her glass of wine over to my other sister. She didn't want her to wait one minute! I invited this same sister out to lunch for her birthday. She said yes. When I came over, my BIL was loading the car to take my nephew to his soccer game. My sister asked me (in front of the others) if I wanted to go to the soccer game (45 minutes away!) I really didn't, but felt put on the spot. She didn't want to miss her son's game and wanted to help her husband. But she couldn't say no to me. So I ended up spending the whole day with them. I really just wanted to treat her to lunch.

What about being too nice in dating?
To be honest, I don't think the problem, at least as expressed here, is with your sister.

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