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Devoted to discussion pertaining to those issues which are specifically relevant to people 45+. Topics must have a specific perspective of people in this age group for it to be on topic.

The story of Abraham and Sarah is told in chapters 11-25 of the book of Genesis.
Learn More:Abraham & Sarah

Marriage isn't for YOU

Nov 3rd 2013 new

I found this article written by Seth Adam Smith, and thought some would like to comment!

I've been married before and believe this is all true-except we live for Christ in our lives first, and then to have enough space to make another happy is really what marriage is about. Each should feel the same way, to give and not be focused on receiving! I come from a family of 9 brothers and sisters, and truly believe that sharing happiness at family gatherings is truly love!

Here's the article:

Having been married only a year and a half, Ive recently come to the conclusion that marriage isnt for me.

Now before you start making assumptions, keep reading.

I met my wife in high school when we were 15 years old. We were friends for ten years untiluntil we decided no longer wanted to be just friends. :) I strongly recommend that best friends fall in love. Good times will be had by all.

Nevertheless, falling in love with my best friend did not prevent me from having certain fears and anxieties about getting married. The nearer Kim and I approached the decision to marry, the more I was filled with a paralyzing fear. Was I ready? Was I making the right choice? Was Kim the right person to marry? Would she make me happy?

Then, one fateful night, I shared these thoughts and concerns with my dad.

Perhaps each of us have moments in our lives when it feels like time slows down or the air becomes still and everything around us seems to draw in, marking that moment as one we will never forget.

My dad giving his response to my concerns was such a moment for me. With a knowing smile he said, Seth, youre being totally selfish. So Im going to make this really simple: marriage isnt for you. You dont marry to make yourself happy, you marry to make someone else happy. More than that, your marriage isnt for yourself, youre marrying for a family. Not just for the in-laws and all of that nonsense, but for your future children. Who do you want to help you raisethem? Who do you want to influence them? Marriage isnt for you. Its not about you. Marriage is about the person you married.

It was in that very moment that I knew that Kim was the right person to marry. I realized that I wanted to make her happy; to see her smile every day, to make her laugh every day. I wanted to be a part of her family, and my family wanted her to be a part of ours. And thinking back on all the times I had seen her play with my nieces, I knew that she was the one with whom I wanted to build our own family.

My fathers advice was both shocking and revelatory. It went against the grain of todays Walmart philosophy, which is if it doesnt make you happy, you can take it back and get a new one.

No, a true marriage (and true love) is never about you. Its about the person you lovetheir wants, their needs, their hopes, and their dreams. Selfishness demands, Whats in it for me?, while Love asks, What can I give?

Some time ago, my wife showed me what it means to love selflessly. For many months, my heart had been hardening with a mixture of fear and resentment. Then, after the pressure had built up to where neither of us could stand it, emotions erupted. I was callous. I was selfish.

But instead of matching my selfishness, Kim did something beyond wonderfulshe showed an outpouring of love. Laying aside all of the pain and aguish I had caused her, she lovingly took me in her arms and soothed my soul.

Marriage is about family.

I realized that I had forgotten my dads advice. While Kims side of the marriage had been to love me, my side of the marriage had become all about me. This awful realization brought me to tears, and I promised my wife that I would try to be better.

To all who are reading this articlemarried, almost married, single, or even the sworn bachelor or bacheloretteI want you to know that marriage isnt for you. No true relationship of love is for you. Love is about the person you love.

And, paradoxically, the more you truly love that person, the more love you receive. And not just from your significant other, but from their friends and their family and thousands of others you never would have met had your love remained self-centered.

Nov 3rd 2013 new
Right on!

Nov 3rd 2013 new
Right on!

Nov 3rd 2013 new
Right on!

Nov 3rd 2013 new
Oops! How do I delete two of those redundant posts?
Nov 3rd 2013 new
Wow! That is so true. That begs this question. What if the person you want to nurture, affirm, take care of and just want to be with 24 7 doesn't have this same point of view? Ok, so I guess the obvious answer is you don't marry him. Reality is he probably won't even think to ask you to marry him. But what if the head and the heart aren't talking to each other?


Nov 3rd 2013 new
Seth is a smart guy
Nov 5th 2013 new
That's the BEST article I've read on CM, by far.

clap clap
Nov 5th 2013 new
Thank you, I thought it was good, although there could be difficulties if things become very one sided. Prayer, open discussion and love is the key.
Nov 6th 2013 new
Excellent article that rings true.
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