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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
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Lifelong Commitment

Nov 5th 2013 new
As I discern whether God might be calling me to Matrimony, I've been thinking about what it is in our culture that makes commitment (and especially life long commitment) so difficult. It just not the case that there is a simple answer to the question why so many marriages end in divorce. Have people have changed this much in just a few short generations? Or are there other factors in our culture that are making it difficult for good people to be successful in lifelong commitments?
Nov 5th 2013 new
I would say, the follow thru of life long commitment. It may be influenced by what has been made "acceptable" in today's society today.
Nov 5th 2013 new
again sticking my neck out...................I feel strongly against abuse, ........ in the past
watching it happening in marriages was 'tolerated years ago because marriage was forever'
.....................................but I don't think one has to stay if one is being abused.
Nov 5th 2013 new
I have read about this... in a book I don't remember, written by an author I don't recall. These are not my ideas, but they make a lot of sense.

He spoke about a couple of changes in society that influenced changes in society that downgraded the solidity of marriages. The timing of this change is not a date, but a period of time. The automobile and "the pill" both influenced these changes, and may have been the direct cause. The automobile slowly ended courtship, wherein the young man would visit the young lady at her family's home, with her family in the room. When given the ability to drive off and be alone, well this put millions of young people in the near occasion of sin. At this time, the fear of a pregnancy was an effective deterrent to premarital intercourse. When "the pill" was developed, this eliminated the pregnancy worries and opened the door to premarital sex.

The marital embrace was designed by God to bond husband and wife together (to become one). When misused in premarital intercourse, the man and woman are establishing a false bond. This false bond then mimics love and leads many to marriage. This often happens before they know each other well enough to discern if they should get married. After a number of years, this false bond fails and they tend to divorce.

Again, I've restated an author's views. I'll try to find this book and post the details.
Nov 5th 2013 new
(quote) Rob-362135 said: I have read about this... in a book I don't remember, written by an author I don't recall. These are not my ideas, but they make a lot of sense.

He spoke about a couple of changes in society that influenced changes in society that downgraded the solidity of marriages. The timing of this change is not a date, but a period of time. The automobile and "the pill" both influenced these changes, and may have been the direct cause. The automobile slowly ended courtship, wherein the young man would visit the young lady at her family's home, with her family in the room. When given the ability to drive off and be alone, well this put millions of young people in the near occasion of sin. At this time, the fear of a pregnancy was an effective deterrent to premarital intercourse. When "the pill" was developed, this eliminated the pregnancy worries and opened the door to premarital sex.

The marital embrace was designed by God to bond husband and wife together (to become one). When misused in premarital intercourse, the man and woman are establishing a false bond. This false bond then mimics love and leads many to marriage. This often happens before they know each other well enough to discern if they should get married. After a number of years, this false bond fails and they tend to divorce.

Again, I've restated an author's views. I'll try to find this book and post the details.
my thinking is similiar to this author
Nov 5th 2013 new
(quote) Rob-362135 said: I have read about this... in a book I don't remember, written by an author I don't recall. These are not my ideas, but they make a lot of sense.

He spoke about a couple of changes in society that influenced changes in society that downgraded the solidity of marriages. The timing of this change is not a date, but a period of time. The automobile and "the pill" both influenced these changes, and may have been the direct cause. The automobile slowly ended courtship, wherein the young man would visit the young lady at her family's home, with her family in the room. When given the ability to drive off and be alone, well this put millions of young people in the near occasion of sin. At this time, the fear of a pregnancy was an effective deterrent to premarital intercourse. When "the pill" was developed, this eliminated the pregnancy worries and opened the door to premarital sex.

The marital embrace was designed by God to bond husband and wife together (to become one). When misused in premarital intercourse, the man and woman are establishing a false bond. This false bond then mimics love and leads many to marriage. This often happens before they know each other well enough to discern if they should get married. After a number of years, this false bond fails and they tend to divorce.

Again, I've restated an author's views. I'll try to find this book and post the details.
I have read this as well, although I don't recall where either. I do know that access to birth control has caused an increase in divorce. It isn't so much that the married couple is "using" birth control, it is that the partner (usually the husband) who is not being faithful is able to stray and not "get caught" (through pregnancy). The ability to be unfaithful to a spouse and NOT "get caught" provides for a huge opportunity that didnt otherwise exist.


Nov 5th 2013 new
Thanks for the usually. It's not always the male.

Among Catholics I think a large part can be dumped firmly on the shoulders of the Bishops. Heck in Canada they came right out and defied Paul XI on Humana vita.

I didnt convert until 81 almost 20 years after the beginning of the council and i was still filled with the do what you think is best swill. So several generations know little about the permenant and sacramental nature of the marriage, many have had their fill of free milk anyway contraception is fine, abortion is ok by some priests and theologians. In short we are so poorly informed that no wonder. Add to it societal pressure, easy divorce and marriage, and the feel good about me society and poof. Our forefathers and mothers knew what hard work was. We on the other hand are lazy!
Nov 5th 2013 new
I think a significant factor is the liberalization of the divorce laws in the 1960s and 1970s. It seems* as though there's little incentive or encouragement to TRY to maintain a marriage.
Thanks, feminists.



* What do I know? I'm a widow.
Nov 5th 2013 new
I think the secularization of society has got to be a huge influence. In a post Christian world what reason do people have to commit to each other in marriage for life? I keep think of the mindset of that movie Eat, Pray, Love not that I ever watched it but it probably sums up the way people think.
Nov 5th 2013 new
(quote) Joseph-903200 said: I think the secularization of society has got to be a huge influence. In a post Christian world what reason do people have to commit to each other in marriage for life? I keep think of the mindset of that movie Eat, Pray, Love not that I ever watched it but it probably sums up the way people think.
I didn't see the movie or read the book but from what I understand the author just decided she didn't want to be faithful to her husband so she sought out other men. When the marriage counselor asked my former husband, "What is it about your wife that you don't want to be married to her?", he responded, "Nothing, she is a great wife & mother, it is just that why should I have to be with one woman when there are millions of women in the world I can be with at any given time?" Yeah, he really said that and THAT is what the world has come to.
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