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This room is dedicated to those who are facing the challenge of raising children without the support of a spouse. This is a place to share ideas and lend mutual support.

Saint Rita is known to be a patroness for abused wives and mourning women.
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So what do I tell my boy when his fears are realistic? He has expressed concerns and I don't feel I have addressed them adequately.

My son, 12, is old enough to pay attention to current events. He has heard about various school shootings. He has also noticed that I work in a low-income, high crime area. He has noticed we lose at least one student a year to gang violence. He knows we have a police officer and multiple security guards walking the halls. He knows many of them by name.

What he hasn't realized yet are the following: we have had teachers hurt by students, we have had kids bring weapons to school, (thankfully, no one hurt, yet), and we have had students go to jail for assault, rape and murder.

Sometimes it feels like my calling to serve poor refugees where they are is in conflict with my primary responsibility of parenting. I'm a single parent, my kids can't afford to have me hurt or killed. (Not that I think it's such a great idea, either.) Problem is, if all the good teachers bail, what happens to the kids, especially my refugees, whose only crime is being poor? I welcome your thoughts.
Nov 5th 2013 new
Sam
Tell your son God has a plan for you. My sister worked at Von Mar. 2 weeks before the shooting She left for another Job a the Pottery Barn. She was the department head for Men's clothing. If she wouldn't of taken a new job she would of been in the middle of the shooting. God had other plans for her and she now is a recruiter for Bellevue College. Best thing you can do for your son is be confident when you talk to him about it.
Nov 5th 2013 new
boy, I can relate to that..............sorry not on topic but makes me
pray more......two girlfriends and I are supporting three suicidal teens/youth adults.

We are all they have and the community services they can access are
worse than useless.
Nov 5th 2013 new
First, a hug

Second, I think you have a big job here:
- to model courage
- to model acceptance of God's plan for you
- to reassure the boy that if you can accept God's plan, nothing else matters except having the courage to carry it out

Third...make sure your Will is up to date, including nomination of a guardian for your son. In addition to worrying about YOU, he may be worrying about what would happen to HIM if you were hurt or killed. Showing him that you've taken care of this can be very reassuring.
Nov 5th 2013 new
It's really tough when they are young to discuss this. I used to teach at a small college in south central Tennessee. When the Virginia tech shootings occurred all my children were wondering about what I would do and how I would be safe and well you know the drill. So I took mine in the school and showed them the plan for the building. Locked doors, blinds on windows etc. I showed them the safe places to hide both inside and outside. And who to listen to if they were on campus if something happened. At their age I felt it easier to explain the safe gards in place as to talking about dad getting shot. Consider more this approach to the death stuff for now. It will come again as they get older. Then you can discuss what ifs. Leave them innocent a little longer. Meanwhile take precautions as you can. Discuss with your siblings your wishes just in case. And parents. And the Wills not a bad idea for anyone, let alone single parents. Make sure you get a practicing catholic lawyer if possible. If not get a priest you trust to read it over.

My two cents

Good Luck and God Bless!
Nov 5th 2013 new
I agree with having a will written up by an attorney if you haven't done so already. I had one written up within a year after I left my ex-boyfriend. I didn't want my daughter going to my ex if I was killed/died. So my sister and brother-in-law will fight like heck for custody of my daughter if I die. I think a will is so important for single parents. :)
Nov 6th 2013 new
Kevin, I remember Von Maur well- a friend lost her dad. that kind of 'near miss' is a scary thing.

I agree, my kids need to see faith and commitment to my mission- and to them. I tell them all the time that God has a plan for us, even when we don't know what it is.
Nov 6th 2013 new
(quote) Marge-938695 said:
Third...make sure your Will is up to date, including nomination of a guardian for your son. In addition to worrying about YOU, he may be worrying about what would happen to HIM if you were hurt or killed. Showing him that you've taken care of this can be very reassuring.
This is just the kind of practical suggestion I was hoping to solicit. He's 12, of course he wonders what would happen to him- he's the center of the universe! wink I will get on this. Thanks, Marge!
Nov 6th 2013 new
(quote) Tim-734178 said: It's really tough when they are young to discuss this. I used to teach at a small college in south central Tennessee. When the Virginia tech shootings occurred all my children were wondering about what I would do and how I would be safe and well you know the drill. So I took mine in the school and showed them the plan for the building. Locked doors, blinds on windows etc. I showed them the safe places to hide both inside and outside. And who to listen to if they were on campus if something happened. At their age I felt it easier to explain the safe gards in place as to talking about dad getting shot. Consider more this approach to the death stuff for now. It will come again as they get older. Then you can discuss what ifs. Leave them innocent a little longer. Meanwhile take precautions as you can. Discuss with your siblings your wishes just in case. And parents. And the Wills not a bad idea for anyone, let alone single parents. Make sure you get a practicing catholic lawyer if possible. If not get a priest you trust to read it over.

My two cents

Good Luck and God Bless!
Telling them the plan for emergencies and showing the safeguards in place are BRILLIANT! A 12 year old wants to see something concrete that he can understand and process. The kids will be with me at school Thursday evening for parent teacher conferences. We can run through this information at that time. Thanks, Tim!

Have I mentioned lately how awesome the CM community is? biggrin
Nov 10th 2013 new
I would say that teachers world round need to teach the children that violence is not the answer to solving their problems. Also, they should be taught the affects of committing violence at school or somewhere else. We need to lay it out for them that there is many other options out there that can help them be more productive members of society. Also, showing videos of what happens when one is arrested for violence and being shown what life is afterwards can in someways alter their perception on life and steer them on a new course of thinking. Another thing you could do to feel safer is to hold special sessions dealing with violence at the school and if any child has a question about the class you address, and instill in them information about the subject. The more informed one is about a topic, the more he or she is indicative at heeding the laws and rules of it. This is my opinion on the matter, hope it aids you.
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