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This room is for supportive and informative discussion about divorce and/or the annulment process. All posters must have been previously divorced or annulled.

Saint Eugene De Mazenod is patron of dysfunctional families & Saint Fabiola obtained a divorce from her first husband prior to devoting her life to charitable works.
Learn More: Saint Eugene De Mazenod and Saint Fabiola

Dec 17th 2013 new
It made me realize that getting married is like rolling the dice, despite all the research you can do on a potential mate. It made me realize that people you think you know may be changing right in front of you.
Dec 17th 2013 new
It took away everything I thought I knew to be true. It was like gravity suddenly wasn't working anymore and I had nothing to keep me in contact with the world, because suddenly my world was gone. It made me question everything, mostly my own self-worth, making me feel that any positive qualities I thought I had must surely not be in me or why would he do this? Worse, why not once or with one person he 'loved' or cared for, but with so many, for no reason but that he felt like it? I knew I was a great wife in every way I could, but suddenly it was worthless because he didn't value me, didn't have any qualms about hurting me, had no regrets except about getting caught. I was not valued, much less cherished, or even considered. I had to realize then that I was not the one without value -- the lying, cheating, sneaking one was the one without value. Then I could again see my worth.
Dec 17th 2013 new
It was one of the most difficult things I had to go through... I question our 20+ years of marriage.

Dec 18th 2013 new
Terrible at the time, but I learned several things:

I am not a victim, I survived, realized my potential, also discovered a strength that I never knew I had.

His infidelity was his choice. It's not a reflection of my integrity.

Circumstances may knock us down, but we have the ability to overcome anything through Christ.

I am not the only person this happened to. So I picked myself up, shook it off and moved on.

Do not be dismayed, for you will love again.




Dec 18th 2013 new

Very, very good answers, all of you. I was married for 13 years and for the last 3 of them, I was driving tractor trailers at night. I was home every morning, but I was on a different schedule than the rest of the family. The work was brutal, I basically put in 14 hours a night, and in that precious 10 hours off I had to sleep, eat, take care of myself etc. Around August of 2012, the wife said that one of her friends husband was dying of lung cancer and she was going to go stay with her for Christian support. Well it got to the point where she was over this friends house any moment she could be there, weekends, after work, well you get the point. She seemed very devout and said she loved The Lord so why would I doubt her. I often said she was my gift from God. Then while paying the bills one day, I noticed she was always calling or texting one particular number ( the cel bill was mine so I took care of it ) I asked her who it was and she said " I don't know ". I said you call or text this person this many times a day and you don't know who it is ? Well needless to say people, I'm a little more clever than that. She finally admitted to having an affair on Thanksgiving Day 2012. I was devastated, lost, in disbelief, and utterly destroyed. Right after she told me she left to go to NY to visit relatives for the holiday. I had a bag waiting for her when she came back. Because of the mental and physical fatigue I was experiencing because of work, coupled with what she told me, I had a pretty severe nervous breakdown. I was a mess, but I had to keep myself together as best I could, because we have two young girls ages 7 and 5. She didn't want custody of the girls, the house , nothing. She wanted out. She kept asking if we could have an " open marriage" and I totally rebuked that idea. So as of now, I'm the single father of two beautiful girls, my faith in The Lord has grown more than I can even realize. I'm on SSDI because of the breakdown and the multitude of medication I have to take. Sometimes I still wonder who I am. I'd like to thank everyone who has posted so far, I posed this question awhile ago and nobody was responding. I was beginning to wonder if it was a CM taboo subject !

Peace Be With You.

Gilbert

Dec 18th 2013 new
(quote) Gilbert-994253 said:

Very, very good answers, all of you. I was married for 13 years and for the last 3 of them, I was driving tractor trailers at night. I was home every morning, but I was on a different schedule than the rest of the family. The work was brutal, I basically put in 14 hours a night, and in that precious 10 hours off I had to sleep, eat, take care of myself etc. Around August of 2012, the wife said that one of her friends husband was dying of lung cancer and she was going to go stay with her for Christian support. Well it got to the point where she was over this friends house any moment she could be there, weekends, after work, well you get the point. She seemed very devout and said she loved The Lord so why would I doubt her. I often said she was my gift from God. Then while paying the bills one day, I noticed she was always calling or texting one particular number ( the cel bill was mine so I took care of it ) I asked her who it was and she said " I don't know ". I said you call or text this person this many times a day and you don't know who it is ? Well needless to say people, I'm a little more clever than that. She finally admitted to having an affair on Thanksgiving Day 2012. I was devastated, lost, in disbelief, and utterly destroyed. Right after she told me she left to go to NY to visit relatives for the holiday. I had a bag waiting for her when she came back. Because of the mental and physical fatigue I was experiencing because of work, coupled with what she told me, I had a pretty severe nervous breakdown. I was a mess, but I had to keep myself together as best I could, because we have two young girls ages 7 and 5. She didn't want custody of the girls, the house , nothing. She wanted out. She kept asking if we could have an " open marriage" and I totally rebuked that idea. So as of now, I'm the single father of two beautiful girls, my faith in The Lord has grown more than I can even realize. I'm on SSDI because of the breakdown and the multitude of medication I have to take. Sometimes I still wonder who I am. I'd like to thank everyone who has posted so far, I posed this question awhile ago and nobody was responding. I was beginning to wonder if it was a CM taboo subject !

Peace Be With You.

Gilbert

Such a sad and difficult experience Gilbert :(
You mention the other wanting an "open Marriage",please excuse my ignorance ,but what does this mean?

My four were 8mths -7yrs when I found out for sure about what was really going on .I remember being on my knees praying to Our Lady,a great consolation.
All the years of uncertainty,mind in torment with imagination,it was better to see what it really was for sure-I could deal with that.
Dec 18th 2013 new
It crushed my spirit. I questioned everything about me and wondered what was so wrong with me. I refused to let it destroy me and have learned that I am not less of a person because of what he chose to do. Sometimes it takes being completely broken to finally give it all to God.
Dec 18th 2013 new
I was played like a fiddle. You would think 25 years of marriage...

A year after the divorce I started college. That was seven and a half years ago. I completed my masters degree this evening! I no longer fear many of the things I was afraid of then!
Dec 18th 2013 new
So true Dana. One thing I think we have in common as victims of such foul betrayal is how it's brought us closer to God. I have always loved my Lord, but I don't believe I can really, truly describe how much a part of my life He is now. I can say this, when I first found out about my wife's betrayal, I lost it. I didn't know who I was anymore, I couldn't think straight. I was a complete mess who felt he had no worth or purpose. I turned to God immediately. And as time went on, I figured out that I just needed to leave things in Gods Hands. He has not let me down yet, and I surrender my life completely to HIM. I know He's there for me because there were a few situations that were going to either make or break me, I didn't worry about it, prayed about it, left it in His hands and all of it was provided. Remember this my brothers and sisters, when you feel helpless and hopeless, talk to Our Father in Heaven. Give Him all your love with all your might, and he will take care of you like a loving Father does. Peace, Gil
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