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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
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fear

Dec 17th 2013 new
now don't get me wrong, because I am in absolutely no hurry to marry
and have seen the term ''mercy date'' bandied around and it ain't pretty.

Why is there such an atmosphere of keeping one's distance and not venturing out as this is a dating site?
Dec 17th 2013 new
You learn something new all the time. I'd never even heard of 'mercy date' until yesterday.

Perhaps it's because dating just to know more about someone can become number-crunching and some would prefer the date to be the de facto signal that "I've found the one"?
Dec 18th 2013 new
Hi Marge, I agree with your observation. I wish there are more interaction among members. It's like going to a social event where people should be talking to one another. I guess it's the fear of being misinterpreted or misled, whatever.

People view my profile and if I have the time, I view theirs too. Although, it does not necessarily mean I am interested. If they send an emotigram or a mail, I get back to them at least with a thank you or a message as well (if I have a paid membership), biggrin

As in the real world, it takes time to get to know a person. Striking a conversation or exchanging a few e-mails does not necessarily mean getting into a relationship. It's just basic courtesy to respond. Anyway, in time you'll both know if there is something special. There is nothing to lose, instead hopefully some friendship gained.

.
Dec 18th 2013 new
(quote) Roystan-340472 said: ... some would prefer the date to be the de facto signal that "I've found the one"?
I'm afraid there are some who really believe this to be true, and in all cases.
Dec 18th 2013 new
(quote) Tracy-50478 said: Hi Marge, I agree with your observation. I wish there are more interaction among members. It's like going to a social event where people should be talking to one another. I guess it's the fear of being misinterpreted or misled, whatever.

People view my profile and if I have the time, I view theirs too. Although, it does not necessarily mean I am interested. If they send an emotigram or a mail, I get back to them at least with a thank you or a message as well (if I have a paid membership),

As in the real world, it takes time to get to know a person. Striking a conversation or exchanging a few e-mails does not necessarily mean getting into a relationship. It's just basic courtesy to respond. Anyway, in time you'll both know if there is something special. There is nothing to lose, instead hopefully some friendship gained.

.
very warm welcome tracy wave smile rose rose rose
Dec 18th 2013 new
(quote) Susan-857876 said: now don't get me wrong, because I am in absolutely no hurry to marry
and have seen the term ''mercy date'' bandied around and it ain't pretty.

Why is there such an atmosphere of keeping one's distance and not venturing out as this is a dating site?
interesting topic ---->>> mercy dating combine w/fear althought i haven't had that opportunity or aware of this beside story of robin hood w/merry maids...

true there might be the case of one's distance but that seems so obvious when we live so far apart with whom we may or may not bond .... thus, the great invention --- > internet/skype/im not the same as F2F, it is just quick/fast/instant like a coffee/meal, not the type you brew and slave avoiding the great tripidation ... so this our new way of venturing adventurously into the unknown jungle and getting our feet in a river of tepid water rather than plunging down a waterfall .... hug Praying theheart rosary rose rose rose
Dec 18th 2013 new
(quote) Roystan-340472 said:
Perhaps it's because dating just to know more about someone can become number-crunching and some would prefer the date to be the de facto signal that "I've found the one"?
Obviously when one is dealing with a variety of people, you get all sorts of reasons. I personally see these 5 in myself and others I have met here.

1. FEAR!!! wide eyed We are freaking online and there could be weirdos on here! wide eyed Have you ever heard that country song "I'm so much cooler online" ? It played in the back of my mind every time I logged in here for the first bit.

2. Roystan is right...people take this waaaaaaay too seriously. rolling eyes Perhaps we just want to say to our kids one day "I have only dated once and it was your father," but this is a different world we live in. These times are more uncertain and so have we become. By this I mean that no longer do we discern a vocation to marraige, then start dating to see if we can find him, then marry the guy with whom we have fun, have faith, and have respect.

3. Dating should be fun. hug Maybe it is just a level of maturity I have come to, but I think everyone deserves a date, and I see dating as a discernment of whether or not we should begin a courtship. If I'm on a date with someone, I try to focus more on having fun at this moment than on what he'll look like in 40 years or how I don't like the shape of his toenails. Come on! No one is perfect except God, and I though we were all on here because we've determined He has a different spouse for us!

4. Being overwhelmed. sorry There are just sooooo very many people on this site! It's like the kid in Willie Wonka's factory who couldn't figure out what to taste first! eyepopping lovestruck! weeping

5. A lack of trust in God. It is very difficult to abandon oneself to divine providence, and I do not claim to have the answer to this one. However, it seems to me that all of this would be much easier if we just prayed "okay, Lord, I'm going out and let your will be done!" Praying
Dec 18th 2013 new
(quote) Susan-857876 said: now don't get me wrong, because I am in absolutely no hurry to marry
and have seen the term ''mercy date'' bandied around and it ain't pretty.

Why is there such an atmosphere of keeping one's distance and not venturing out as this is a dating site?
Hi Susan,

Interesting question! I have a few thoughts about it...

First, I hope in the 40+ age group, that people know themselves and know what they are looking for. They are probably not looking to casually date a lot of people. Perhaps that is one reason?

Second, while I am a member on here, I also belong to match.com. These experiences are completely opposite!! I get a lot of interest on match, but it is *ahem* not the kind I was looking for. eyepopping I have been shocked to disbelieving laughter by some of the messages I've received on there. I rarely respond to anyone on there, and those I did were very much had the same "priorities" as the others did once I met them in person! The point being, if you have to choose between that and careful hesitation, I'd say this is a lot better!

Third, I think the challenge is that people on here want to get to know the person. I think the Forums are a wonderful asset for making yourself known. Keep posting!

During those times that I've been disappointed on CM, I usually take the opportunity to update my profile and make sure it conveys who I am. In our media saturated world, people are conditioned to responding to attractive advertising. Put some fun & creative interview questions on there! Add a fun season profile picture!

Finally, even though I don't receive as many contacts on CM, the men whom I've had the pleasure of corresponding and talking with are the cream of the crop! I am definitely impressed with the quality, and have no problem sacrificing quantity in this regard!
Dec 18th 2013 new
Good post Susan. Is it fear or cautious trepidation ? I think most of us on CM over 30ish or so have already been in a married or long term relationship. It's so hard to decide if you're going to be standing in front of the flamethrower again !
Dec 18th 2013 new

interesting post - I agree - most of us are somewhere in the world of careful trepidation (as was noted before) as approaching someone/ dating takes some level of risk taking

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