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This room is dedicated to those who are facing the challenge of raising children without the support of a spouse. This is a place to share ideas and lend mutual support.

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teaching teens about sexuality

Dec 20th 2013 new
As a single parent- especially as a single mom - how have you -or would you- handle(d) guiding teen boys regarding sexuality ? I am inviting replies from men here as well. I am looking especially for input from those who have managed to raise chaste, godly men who have gone on to live out joyful and fulfilling vocations...marriage, priesthood, religious life. I did message this inquiry to some men whose profiles gave evidence of such but have received no replies.. sorry gentlemen if I seemed forward.
I have 15 and 17 year old boys both of whom have beautiful hearts. They were old enough to be keenly aware of the deterioration of their parents' marriage and to watch how each of us has lived during the marriage and afterwards.
I believe that I am a good role model in this arena but I am not their father...
I have purchased the Theology of the Body for Teens books, workbooks and DVDs. I gave them to the three of us for Christmas last year and announced that no one was dating until they understood this awesome stuff. The boys were quite uncomfortable with the discussion aspects. I did explain to them that no one taught me the beauty of this until after I was well into my twenties and that I would have made different choices in my life had I understood it. I told them that as uncomfortable as they or I might become that it was important for them to have this knowledge.
I then purchased and watched as a family- including their 11 year old sister- "Romance without Regret" which was very good - but not everything they need to understand. I have modified the mandate about the TOB for Teens to watching the videos together and we have picked up where we left off.
I, of course, pray for them and for myself...
I really want to give them a foundation that includes a deep appreciation of the gift of sexuality and a joy in whatever they may be called to in life so that they can live a life giving chastity not a repressed form or the kind of promiscuous life that is so normal these days
So how does one raise chaste, joyful men who can seek the will of God for them and feel comfortable in their relationships with their parents, friends, dates and eventually wives?
Dec 21st 2013 new
Sounds to me like you're doing a good job. thumbsup
Dec 21st 2013 new
hug
Thanks, Marge. Given the quality of your posts that means a lot.
Dec 22nd 2013 new

I agree with Marge. Like you I pray constantly. Keep the lines of communication open. I always stress to my son to not do anything with his girlfriend that he wouldn't want his best friend doing with his wife. Hormones are insane at this age, so I have strict rules on what is acceptable and what is not...tv shows, curfew, when his girlfriend can come over (I have to be home), etc. I know it has helped my son deal with the uncertainties of having a girlfriend. It takes the pressure off the temptation. I've always heard to set high expectations for our children and they will exceed them.

I know those young adults that are Godly men of character and faith. There are many on this site. It would me good to hear from them on what their parents did that helped shape them.

Dec 22nd 2013 new
Sounds like you're doing a great job. With my son we just talk, talk, talk constantly. I have realized that the "sex talk" is such a small part of it and that the "protecting hearts" talk, his and hers, is the biggest part of it. But you already see that. :-)
Dec 22nd 2013 new
(quote) Kathy-635104 said:

 

I know those young adults that are Godly men of character and faith. There are many on this site. It would me good to hear from them on what their parents did that helped shape them.

Kathy,
Thank you!
What a great idea. Can we hear from those young adults?
Dec 22nd 2013 new
Thank you Kathy and Becky.
Dec 22nd 2013 new
(quote) Kathy-635104 said:

I always stress to my son to not do anything with his girlfriend that he wouldn't want his best friend doing with his wife.

A great concept to offer a young man!

I think young men (and young women) definitely learn how to develop a healthy respect and the context of sexuality from their immediate and extended family members. If they are missing a parent, due to separation, abandonment, divorcethey are missing the opportunity to witness their parents' relationship as a healthy marital sexual context. But there is still opportunity to witness their grandparents, uncles and aunts, good friends and neighbors.who portray healthy marital, sexual contexts.

It's really amazing these days, how adept young people are at 'remaining sexually sane', considering the ease with which they can access to an incredible amount of explicitly licentious images and lewd information.

Single parenting is probably one of the most difficult tasks in the world. But many have the courage not to give up and to continue to improve their solo parenting responsibilities. It's a parents responsibility to teach Parents can't ultimately force their children to do what the parents have taught. But the parents responsibility to teach (even sexual information), remains as parents primary responsibility, when they have children.

The greatest impact on children, as far as sexual information, is how the people in their family behave, act, speak toward one another (specifically in the context of male and female; boys and girls; men and women; husbands and wives). And many families, although unfortunately lacking sometimes, still provide the most powerful examples of the proper context of human sexuality. Strengthen the family relationships (parent and child; brother and sister), and then build on these relationship concepts, so a young person can build healthy male and female; boyfriend and girlfriend relationships. Young people are influenced by the values they've learned in the family about respect, protection, modesty, the power of self control, appropriate and inappropriate words, actions etc. fluffy
Dec 22nd 2013 new
Hi Cindy, Big hug from me hug
You have an amazing profile. And your professional background, will definitely give you the strength to carry on as a great single mother to your sons!
Dec 22nd 2013 new
(quote) Cindy-959808 said: As a single parent- especially as a single mom - how have you -or would you- handle(d) guiding teen boys regarding sexuality ? I am inviting replies from men here as well. I am looking especially for input from those who have managed to raise chaste, godly men who have gone on to live out joyful and fulfilling vocations...marriage, priesthood, religious life. I did message this inquiry to some men whose profiles gave evidence of such but have received no replies.. sorry gentlemen if I seemed forward.
I have 15 and 17 year old boys both of whom have beautiful hearts. They were old enough to be keenly aware of the deterioration of their parents' marriage and to watch how each of us has lived during the marriage and afterwards.
I believe that I am a good role model in this arena but I am not their father...
I have purchased the Theology of the Body for Teens books, workbooks and DVDs. I gave them to the three of us for Christmas last year and announced that no one was dating until they understood this awesome stuff. The boys were quite uncomfortable with the discussion aspects. I did explain to them that no one taught me the beauty of this until after I was well into my twenties and that I would have made different choices in my life had I understood it. I told them that as uncomfortable as they or I might become that it was important for them to have this knowledge.
I then purchased and watched as a family- including their 11 year old sister- "Romance without Regret" which was very good - but not everything they need to understand. I have modified the mandate about the TOB for Teens to watching the videos together and we have picked up where we left off.
I, of course, pray for them and for myself...
I really want to give them a foundation that includes a deep appreciation of the gift of sexuality and a joy in whatever they may be called to in life so that they can live a life giving chastity not a repressed form or the kind of promiscuous life that is so normal these days
So how does one raise chaste, joyful men who can seek the will of God for them and feel comfortable in their relationships with their parents, friends, dates and eventually wives?
Thanks for starting this post Cindy,
Let me begin by stating that I have 7 children, the youngest being 21. 4 of mine are men, 3 of which are happily married, faithful Catholics. All of my children were virgin when they married, with the ironic exception of my 3rd oldest boy who after graduating from Cornell with a EE degree and a solid job with Boeing entered the seminary for 2 years. He left met, fell in love, got engaged, got pregnant then got married. The funniest twist is how mad all my other children were at him for daring to mar the family record of chastity. Needless to say, they had to have their lesson in charity and forgiveness. People think our family to be some sort of throw back to Ozzie and Harriet. But the fact is, we are all so very happy. There is so much love and togetherness that the kids formed their own Civilization of Love. The downside is they like to hang together so much, they tend to be clique-ish. I am not complaining. Hard on my prospective partners though. Point is, by God's grace more than what Mary and I did, it worked. They are actively ministering in the church and I have 12 Grandchildren. (to be continued)

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