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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
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on common courtesy...

Dec 28th 2013 new
Well here goes...

Maybe this has been discussed on these forums, maybe not. As my subject header indicates, I would like to start a discussion and maybe create some awareness about a common (maybe not so common?) courtesy. I've been on and off this website for a few years now and I've messaged women and have been messaged. When I see a profile I like I examine it thoroughly and come back with a carefully crafted response that tries to open up dialogue about similar interests and things about the lady that I'm more curious about. Sometimes I get a response...many times I don't. I'm wondering if this happens often with other people--because it's such a put off to tell be quite frank. This goes for men as well as women. When someone give you a message, they took time out of their probably busy day to look at your profile and express interest in you. That alone is flattering, even if you are not interested back.

In the messages that I've sent, I've had one woman (yes, only one) who wasn't interested send me back a message telling me that we are incompatible and gave me a reason why. I greatly respected that. In turn, I try to do this with others. This I believe should be common courtesy. I also believe this should extend over time during a correspondence--if you think it won't work after some messaging, say so. Don't leave the other person hanging.

Now I realize there are some reasons why some people don't respond back right away. Lives get busy--especially around the holidays. If that is so, maybe a little note saying something to the effect that you saw their profile and that you'll write back soon--or not. I also realize that some messages are a little, shall we say, uncouth and tend to put people off. It's arguable that those responses don't warrant a response.

But enough out of me. I want to hear what others think about this.

David
Dec 28th 2013 new
Me personally I consider lack of response a response it means they are not interested. I'm not really sure a message back will dull the sting any less.
I've gotten replies back where they answer my question but never ask me any questions. Then I'm going back and forth well she replied but just didn't ask me anything back what could that mean. And I doubt people will be fully honest if they had to confess they just weren't attracted to me.

We can only control so little of this searching process I just choose to assume most of my attempts to connect will fail but when God willing one does work out it will be a pleasant surprise.

Dec 28th 2013 new
I agree with Joseph, lack of a response typically means their not interested. I think we need to be careful with our words because we can do more harm than good. Move on and let it go. theheart
Dec 29th 2013 new


in my case, since am the one who do the initiative to send messages esp those on the birthday list, let's say there are 310 members, i only send to those list whom catches my attention or within the preferred age i would like to end up with someday, i only got one response... a simple "thank you" then if i replied "your welcome', that's the end of it.. No more follow up... If i got notifications on email telling someone liked my photo, i reach out via message, thanking him for liking some of my pics... if i didn't get any response... i move on and start sending again...
Dec 29th 2013 new
Hi David! If it seemed like a man reviewed my profile and wrote something that could open dialogue between us, I would reply - whether or not I was interested in pursuing a relationship with him. The only way I would ignore this type of message would be if he were to challenge my level of faith, give me advice for my future, etc. Afterall, a profile is just a snapshot of who I am, and he could never presume to "know" me from this! Happy New Year! Chelle
Dec 29th 2013 new
I have recently had a view view but will only respond if there is a 'hello' at least.

.....otherwise i think of it as looking through a catalogue.
Dec 29th 2013 new

I agree with you David. Although, of course, a lack of response means a person is not interested, I feel it's polite to just respond with a thank you or something. If we were being asked out face to face, would we just ignore the person or walk away? If we were being asked out over the phone would we hang up on the person without an acknowledgment? I think any person in the real world with average social skills would say yes or no or thank you but..... Why should the lack of being face to face or phone to phone mean you can simply ignore a person like they are insignificant. In my entire time here, I've initiated contact with two men. One ignored me and the other responded with a thank you and we had no further contact. The one who ignored me made me feel snubbed and insignificant, while the one who acknowledged me made me feel respected, for lack of a better word, and reinforced my feeling that he was a worthy guy even though he didn't want to communicate with me. We are all significant here because we are children of God and brothers and sisters in Christ and deserve at least a response. Just my opinion.
Dec 29th 2013 new
(quote) Josephine-586127 said:
I agree with you David. Although, of course, a lack of response means a person is not interested, I feel it's polite to just respond with a thank you or something. If we were being asked out face to face, would we just ignore the person or walk away? If we were being asked out over the phone would we hang up on the person without an acknowledgment? I think any person in the real world with average social skills would say yes or no or thank you but..... Why should the lack of being face to face or phone to phone mean you can simply ignore a person like they are insignificant. In my entire time here, I've initiated contact with two men. One ignored me and the other responded with a thank you and we had no further contact. The one who ignored me made me feel snubbed and insignificant, while the one who acknowledged me made me feel respected, for lack of a better word, and reinforced my feeling that he was a worthy guy even though he didn't want to communicate with me. We are all significant here because we are children of God and brothers and sisters in Christ and deserve at least a response. Just my opinion.
Before anybody jumps all over what I said, maybe "being asked out" was premature. What I should have added was if someone expressed interest in you in person or over the phone, such as asking for your phone number (if F2F) or suggesting communication with the intention of getting to know you better, would you ignore, walk away or hang up the phone etc.
Dec 29th 2013 new
I always respond to messages and flirts. I believe in common courtesy as well.
If the proposition is inappropriate, then no response is made as I don't want to encourage further communication. But I think an honest yet kind response lets them know you appreciate their interest, whether you are interested in following up beyond that or not. Getting a response allows us to focus our energies where they will do the most good. Besides, these people have feelings, as I do, so that's a small thing for me to practice that kindness.
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