(quote) Sara-979131 said:
I have a question for you. By posting this, I wish
us to explore this topic and by no means am looking for an answer etched in
stone due to certain situations requiring a fluid response. A CM man I was
recently exchanging messages with had as one interview question the topic of
who pays for a date. He asked if the man should, the woman, or both should
share the cost of the date/meal/etc..
I asked him about this interview question and why he chose it. You, will learn
a lot about someone if you ask about their customized interview questions! So
this fellow replied that he does not believe a man should pay for a date. He
stated to me that since we live in an egalitarian society that women are quite
capable of sharing the cost with the man. My response to him was that in
traditional Catholic courthship, should a couple choose to enter it, that
typically the man will initially pay for the meal etc. And here is the premise
I found it upon: that women desire to be cherished, while men desire to be
admired. You can either choose to support this belief, or not. Certainly it is
your free will to decide such a thing. I choose to believe this, by years of
experience dating and knowing what works for me, interiorly speaking. Meaning,
that I am motivated when as a woman I feel cherished by my beloved.
So, what are your own sentiments about whether a man ought to pay/not pay for
the cost of a date? And what is your reasoning?
Do you also believe that in a sense that when a fellow pays for the date, that
he is showing he is pursuing you, and leading?
This is a good question.
My uncle always asked me when I was going out if I had enough pocket money to cover the cost of dinner, just in case. He made sure I did, lol.
But, I think paying for the date depends on the date. Generally, I expect the guy to pay and am always relieved when the fella insists, because it can be a sticky subject to approach. But, I am not opposed to paying at times either -- their birthday -- or something I wanted to do -like tickets to a concert or something.
The premise that we live in an egalitarian society is absolutely false. We are far from an egalitarian society. But, that is an entire class lecture.
I find it disconcerting when a married couple keeps their funds entirely separate. I have some friends here, whose marriage dissolved beneath this type of arrangement. She made 1/4 of what he did, but expected her to pay exactly half of their joint bills, be the sole provider for her children -- he would coach them but she had to pay for everything related to the sport. He was socking away large portions of his money into his retirement and savings funds but she had no access to them and was not left as his beneficiary. if she found herself short -- he would loan her money along with a lecture and interest. Pete and I spent long hours trying to help them and Pete actually told him that he was really handling that wrong. But, he was undeterred. And, it ended their marriage. She couldn't keep up with the demands and he was out doing anything he wanted to do -- golfing, buying himself new cars, etc. Hers was barely running. In the financial disclosures related to the divorce, she found out it was even more unfair than she had thought it was.
A guy who was insistent the girl pay or they split every date would give me pause.
Now I am not suggesting that every penny be in the joint account. I had a separate account with a small amount of money I had free rein over and Pete would keep portions of his side jobs for his own pocket money, we each had our own allowance of spendable money. But, on the whole 95% of our funds were joint. And, for much of our marriage I was a stay at home mom and Pete the sole provider.
And, yes I find it pleasing to be treated on a date. I also respect that in a date. And, I on my part do not choose extravagant places to go, nor order the most expensive thing on the menu, and I offer to get the tip or think of other ways to reciprocate -- like making dinner instead sometimes.