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This a great place to share your sorrows and be encouraged to move on. G
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Greetings and Happy New Year to all.
Today you get a twofer. Being a widow/widower is not anything we would wish on anyone. But it is something that each of us must transition through by ourselves. I realize that we are offered solace from family and friends which we appreciate with all our hearts. However when all are gone and we face the kitchen, family room and our bed by ourselves we fully understand the devistation of our plight.
Sorrow is an important device we have to weather the storm and find calm waters for us to navigate the future. We must accept sorrow with the thought that our lives were blessed by having our partner with us for whatever time and use that as our strength. As we move forward we will use our past as a springboard to dive into our future which can and will be filled with joy and happiness.
For me, I have been devistated by two deaths of a loving wife. My Connie having cancer gave us much time (23 years) to be prepared for her journey to the Heavens. Her death was a comfort as she no longer supported the pain connected to her condition. However I am sure that both of us suffered sorrow all along during those 23 years. The anticipation of death is a special fear and a constant.
Connie died in my arms with the children at bedside. It was beautiful. Sorrow in all its anguish set in a few days later and I began to jot down a few things I remembered about our union and a year later I had written a book "Choices" which was a cathartic exercise in my healing. I recommend all suffering in sorrow to carry index cards and wherever you are and think of something, write it down and soon you will have a wonderful cronoligical path you both enjoyed.
I met Valerie on this CM site about 2 years ago and after 7 months we married with the same devotion and love that I had with Connie. After 5 1/2 months of marriage Valerie died of a terrible accident and once again I was tossed into the throws of horrible sorrow. In my book I posted the passage: "I can never love another more than I loved Connie, However I will never love another any less than I loved her" Can you imagine how many times I tried to equait that passage in reference to both Connie and Valerie?
If you go to the thread "When do you take the ring off?" you will find more on this subject relative to sorrow and recovery. I think you will understand that sorrow is a temporary condition with love being the solution to elevate the spirit and make the soul complete again while never forgetting the power of our privious love of another in our life's journey.
I shall keep all in my prayers for your healing and should any one wish to contact me in private I will be pleased to join in a dialogue with you.
May God continue to love and protect you and may He shower you with all His Blessings