Faith Focused Dating. Create your Free Profile and meet your Match! Sign Up for Free

info: Please Sign Up or Sign In to continue.

info: Please Sign Up or Sign In to continue.

A place to learn, mingle, and share

Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

This is an interesting talk Jason Evert gave to some young adults on some of the challenges of finding self-giving love in our ultilitarian culture. I am starting to wonder if perhaps at my age, the desire for this holy love is a futile hope.

In part 4 of the talk, Jason states that the biggest fear of a woman is that she will end up alone, which is why so many women compromise their sexuality in our utilitarian culture. She thinks that if she doesn't, how will anyone want her?

For the man, the fear is giving of himself - of initiating love and sticking with one woman. That's why many guys are satisfied with sexually intimate relationships that have no promise of ever leading to commitment; because why commit when women are willing to give sexual intimacy without commitment?

Now of course, at the end of the talk Jason concludes that if you want to have a relationship that leads to life long commitment and self-giving love, Theology of the Body is the way to live. I completely agree. But I guess I'd never thought about our current situation in the stark terms that Jason puts it. Meaning, that even "good men" have a hard time pursuing commitment in a world where the above is the norm. I guess I thought perhaps men who desired a holy Catholic marriage would be able to rise above this cultural confusion. But I'm starting to wonder...
Most of the men I've corresponded with for longer periods of time eventually demonstrated this same fear of commitment.

I personally would rather be alone than compromise myself for anything less than self-giving love. Because ultimately, as a beloved of God, I am not alone! I want to be a saint, and if that means being a "white martyr (as opposed to red) of a ultilitarian culture," so be it. I just wonder if there might be a few who want something MORE than the status quo out there? Are there like minded people on CM who want this same beautiful ideal of Christian marriage. What do you think?
Jan 6th 2014 new
(quote) Kristen-878108 said:  which is why so many women compromise their sexuality in our utilitarian culture. She thinks that if she doesn't, how will anyone want her?.....
 Are there like minded people on CM who want this same beautiful ideal of Christian marriage. What do you think?
WHY does a good man want a woman willing to compromise her sexuality?
........
You're not alone Kemo Sabe.
Jan 6th 2014 new
(quote) Kristen-878108 said: I just wonder if there might be a few who want something MORE than the status quo out there? Are there like minded people on CM who want this same beautiful ideal of Christian marriage. What do you think?
I am getting so tired of the status quo and my self-centered life. I've been made for giving, not living for myself. That's not to say that I am completely selfish--I am involved with my parish, family, and at work (at times I think I am there to allow my coworkers to have more family time!), but I have an incredible amount more to give that I feel is best suited toward married life.
Jan 6th 2014 new
That is a beautiful response, Margaret! You seem like a warm, others-centered person to me! smile
Jan 6th 2014 new
Hmm...is a lack of responses a response in itself?
Jan 6th 2014 new
(quote) Margaret-20183 said: I am getting so tired of the status quo and my self-centered life.
Ditto. I was a better person when I was married.
Jan 6th 2014 new

A good man doesn't, Bob.

You know that. hug

Jan 6th 2014 new
(quote) Kristen-878108 said: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w5qVszyV3mg&list=PLA3A414B2CBEBF4E2

This is an interesting talk Jason Evert gave to some young adults on some of the challenges of finding self-giving love in our ultilitarian culture. I am starting to wonder if perhaps at my age, the desire for this holy love is a futile hope.

In part 4 of the talk, Jason states that the biggest fear of a woman is that she will end up alone, which is why so many women compromise their sexuality in our utilitarian culture. She thinks that if she doesn't, how will anyone want her?

For the man, the fear is giving of himself - of initiating love and sticking with one woman. That's why many guys are satisfied with sexually intimate relationships that have no promise of ever leading to commitment; because why commit when women are willing to give sexual intimacy without commitment?

Now of course, at the end of the talk Jason concludes that if you want to have a relationship that leads to life long commitment and self-giving love, Theology of the Body is the way to live. I completely agree. But I guess I'd never thought about our current situation in the stark terms that Jason puts it. Meaning, that even "good men" have a hard time pursuing commitment in a world where the above is the norm. I guess I thought perhaps men who desired a holy Catholic marriage would be able to rise above this cultural confusion. But I'm starting to wonder...
Most of the men I've corresponded with for longer periods of time eventually demonstrated this same fear of commitment.

I personally would rather be alone than compromise myself for anything less than self-giving love. Because ultimately, as a beloved of God, I am not alone! I want to be a saint, and if that means being a "white martyr (as opposed to red) of a ultilitarian culture," so be it. I just wonder if there might be a few who want something MORE than the status quo out there? Are there like minded people on CM who want this same beautiful ideal of Christian marriage. What do you think?
Hi Kristen,

Many will check the "want" box, not so many will check the "willing to work for/toward it" box....
Jan 6th 2014 new
Yes, I want a self-giving, committed relationship!


This was excellent Kristen. thumbsup


Jan 6th 2014 new
(quote) Bernie-645443 said: Hi Kristen,

Many will check the "want" box, not so many will check the "willing to work for/toward it" box....
That is probably the sad truth, Bernie. Honestly, when I began this process a little over a year ago, I naively looked forward to it! I saw all these wonderful men on here, and I thought this would be great fun! Then I realized that all these nice men on here were not going to communicate with me! eyepopping And the few that did were definitely not ready for any sort of committed relationship. What's the deal? I've been "viewed to death." It's a bit of a blow to the self esteem. I've changed my pictures time and again, rewrote my profile several times, tried a number of methods - viewing, sending emotes, participating in the forums, NOTHING WORKS. Apparently CM is an online catalog. I would imagine the newer models (younger) that require less shipping and handling (i.e. live in one's backyard) probably get more interest. But I definitely think you've hit the nail on the head. Getting married requires self-sacrifice and commitment. If a man can't even commit to sending a message, well, that's a problem.
Posts 1 - 10 of 99