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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

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Ok, this topic most likely to some does not seem to apply to me, this is why was led to CM the first time .... but, basically this is now why i'm totally confuse - through conversation and reading as a mbr... can I jeopardize my relationship w/God by dating someone who has not been annulled ... now is there a diferentitate between dating, seeing on basis that it eventually leads to permanent relationship; or friendship, seeing someone only for coffee ... although, one says that they have an annulment, by giving the info to CM, does that solidify that it is official, rather then taken their word if it is not annotate on their profile ... my heart is trouble by both conversation and reading as i am here to gain insight .... thank you for all your input and contribution ....
Jan 07 new

This is another great question - and one that has been troubling me since I joined CM. I see that many men have put Divorced as their marital status, some annulled, and some in the process of being annulled. As a Catholic who accepts all of the Church's teachings, I do not see a future with a man whose status is divorced, but not annulled, and I also wonder at the in process status as it does not state how long this has been going on, what the prospects are (not all annulments are granted) and how long it should take to know for sure.

So to be safe, I automatically rule out Divorced men, and only communicate with 'in process' of annulment if everything else seems fine in the profile to me. I figure I can always ask the man personally about the status before things get too far along.

But this does seem to be a serious issue if one wants to adhere to Church teaching about marriage.


Jan 07 new
It is a serious issue for some. Although I would prefer to meet someone who was not divorced, I also realize that the Church may not grant someone an annulment when in fact the individual truly feeds its should and needs to be granted....What is that person to do? If you speak with different priests and religious opinions often vary.....People can and do make mistakes in life... incompatibility and unhealthy relationships do exist....If a marriage is irreconcilable and unhealthy isn't is better to simply move on and go your own separate ways? I don't believe God wants us to live in misery.....
Jan 08 new
Thank you soo much Annie and Joan for your response... hug theheart rosary Praying rose rose rose

God does not want us to live in misery ... but it definitely a choice... the think is that those who are divorced and not annulled just makes it soo much difficult for us who do want to have a relationship but face with this stumbling and unavoidable situation .... don't know what to do to avoid if you really start caring for someone but then have to put it in the backburner ....

there is too much inconsistency regarding what you can and cannot do if you do not have annulment and my most troublesome concerns is jeopardizing the relationship with God...

truly admire and respect those who have shared regarding their annulment journey and the fact they would not date until it has been approved .... my heavy heartbeat is sad, crying, and in so much pain regarding this difficult issue/dilemna ....
Jan 08 new

Hi Genie! I understand your frustration; there are many more divorced people on here than annulled.

I would not, in any way, pursue this situation until, and if, an annulment is granted. We can rationalize many ideas in our heads like 'it's all right, we'll just be friends' etc. but that only leads to heart ache, confusion, and placing ourselves in occasions of sin. Lead me not into temptation.....Thou shall not covet.......

We have to view someone who is not annulled as someone who is still married (because they are) and treat them as if they are still living with their spouse. Would you go out for coffee with this gentlemen if he was still living with his spouse and happily married? I would think that you wouldn't. He may not be 'happily' married, but he is still married.

Genie, I love your posts and I truly hope that God sends someone as wonderful as you for you! and soon :)

Jan 08 new
(quote) Christine-924384 said: We have to view someone who is not annulled as someone who is still married (because they are)
I agree with your perspective; however the portion quoted above is not quite correct. Saying those without an annulment are still married implies the marriage was valid, which it may or may not have been. We must presume they are married until the marriage tribunal issues a determination on the annulment petition.

This may seem like trivial semantics, but saying they are "still married" implies that an annulment changes the state of a marriage -- which it doesn't: the annulment process is only a determination of the state of a putative (presumed) marriage.
Jan 08 new
goldfish Okaaaayyy Jerry, you're of course correct. I agree, it is an important distinction because many people seem to think that because they had a 'bad marriage' that that constitutes reasons for an annulment. The marriage was either valid or not valid at the time of occurrence.
Jan 08 new
who am I to bring forth such a painful subject when I don't know anything about the process that would entail such a painful procedure involved ...

1... financial
2... long and difficult datas to compile and complete that unwavering application
3... mere though of having to share w/so many we don't know and ask for witnesses ( maybe like being worse than being on trial as criminal you might say) for the long version not applicable for maybe the short version
4... do we really need to do this
5... can i just move on and date and marry without it
6... ultimately what do i gain or lose that is my only concern for me only
7... maybe i should ask or would i pry...then again it is none of my business ... if you plan to seek ultimately, sometime down the line/road, reach the healing through the Catholic church
(like your thoughs on this - when and if this should be in a conversation with a divorcee and when would this come in before the exchange - txt, msg, on profile ) this is why i am so very sad and in pain, bc someone could be a potential match but facing that stumbling block ... don't want to treat them like they have leprosy but something special with a beautiful heartbeat after all we are humans with many faults ....
8... similarly, as i seek healing through the gifts and Sacrament of Penance

not here to judge or condemn, as that is the least of my positions, but this reminds me of the Passion of Christ having to go through that difficult and painful journey but in the end rises above everything He endured ...

so what am i to do, being in an awkward position in my life and trying to go through this maze of dating for the match that God has plans for me ....
Jan 08 new
(quote) Annie-1040839 said:

So to be safe, I automatically rule out Divorced men, and only communicate with 'in process' of annulment if everything else seems fine in the profile to me. I figure I can always ask the man personally about the status before things get too far along.


Annette, you are wise to be cautious. Keep in mind that "(annulment) in progress" is, for these purposes, the same as "divorced": every rejected petition has to go through the in progress stage first. The only thing that matters is that the final decree has been granted.

Jan 08 new
(quote) Genie-920495 said:  can I jeopardize my relationship w/God by dating someone who has not been annulled ... 
I don't think so. Just my own personal opinion and nothing more. smile
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