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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Jan 11th 2014 new
(quote) Margaret-20183 said: Is there something wrong with sending silly posts from time to time? And why can't "silly" posts be legitimate, thoughtful responses to the sufferings of others?

Much can be inferred of one's emotional state through the written word. It is possible to empathize with someone online.
Touch, Margaret! I for one had a wonderful long-distance acquaintance begin with a silly remark about hopping on my bike to ride out to meet for coffee ... 3000 miles away. smile

And while it's true that many have fallen for Instant Life (TM) and text-speak, there are still some of us who love the challenge of well-formed statement... and it IS possible to express and infer emotional state - sometimes just one word IN CONTEXT can share either soaring joy, or crippling apprehension. And sometimes the 'perfect' silly note or post exposes a whole person.

My new glasses have moved some to ask me if I'm the walrus... No. The walrus was Paul.
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Jan 11th 2014 new
(quote) Tim-734178 said: Ok time for me to get booed. I've been on here about a year and a half. Friendships mind you and good ones. But what I see from both the men and the women ( not all of course) is a "settling". What I mean is that for many, a cyber relationship is good enough. We talk a good game and people are just scared to make even a simple attempt. Doesn't matter why. Point is it's like an 8th grade dance. Seperated by sex and no ones got the guts to be the first! Look guys and gals. The only person that will never hurt you, never call you a name or laugh at you of make you feel small or dirty or whatever is Our Blessed Lord!!
so quit looking to Marry God ( unless you have that vocation) and put on big people pants and do something. Waiting until God drops your spouse on your head is not going to happen. So take a chance dag nab it!!

rant off!
This sounds realistic. However, I reach out to many and never get a response other than a "view" of the profile. If I take the time to look at a profile and they have interview questions, I answer them. They obviously are going to know I "viewed their profile" so I might as well leave a little bit of who I am before I leave. It won't stop me from continuing on. I would enjoy a bit of conversation even if it ended on a dead end street. I work two jobs and don't have as much time as I would like to participate in the forums.
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Jan 11th 2014 new
(quote) Barbara-863769 said: Annie,

If you are having trouble with nice gentlemen asking for conversation on phone and F2f for coffees...and they are NOT scammers....with all your protective advisements you follow...

THAT IS Good News!

That ain't happening for that many women in our upper age brackets....I'd say...Go for it!

You have been blessed with men that have checked out to be Real, Sweet, Respectful, Christian, and brave enough to ask for a decent date.....

Call Marge in here .she will test your temperature! (just kidding,.in fun!) But FAST is not the DEFAULT just saying....

I think we might be talking at cross purposes here. I did not say that I was being invited out to coffee by sweet and nice guys who are not scammers. I was trying to say that I preferred to correspond a little bit before giving out my Skype phone number or other personal details.

What happened was that a guy wanted my Skype number and I said that I would prefer to write a bit first and get to know each other. So he stopped communicating with me.

Not many men are going to ask me out for coffee because I live at the bottom of the world, and the Australian men on here that have looked at my profile have either had no photos or don't agree with the teachings of the Church that I consider important, or they just aren't interested in me. when I first joined and viewed lots of profiles from all over the world, I sent out little winking emoticons or smiley faces to quite a few - but none of them were interested in me. I am prepared to live anywhere, but it just seems to me that men want to get to that face to face stage almost immediately so they don't want someone who lives far away. I don't really understand because once we have communicated via email/messages for awhile, we can then Skype with video for awhile, and if all seems good, I can travel to see the guy in person. I travel all over the world (just got back from Europe last July and was in the States for three months before that) so the idea of long distance doesn't worry me but I know that to some people, they have hardly moved outside their own locale, State, country.

Anyway, I guess what I was trying to say was that patience can open a lot of doors, if someone is prepared to invest a little time getting to know someone instead of just writing them off because they aren't nearby or not ready to give away personal info in the first one or two messages.

And BTW, at my age, I don't get many look sees at my profile. I got a lot when I first joined, but after checking them out - it seems that most of us were not good matches. I guess I am a little disappointed that a 'Catholic' site should have so many men who don't accept the teachings of the Church. I feel like a fossil sometimes because I still do.

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Jan 11th 2014 new
(quote) Annie-1040839 said:

I think we might be talking at cross purposes here. I did not say that I was being invited out to coffee by sweet and nice guys who are not scammers. I was trying to say that I preferred to correspond a little bit before giving out my Skype phone number or other personal details.

What happened was that a guy wanted my Skype number and I said that I would prefer to write a bit first and get to know each other. So he stopped communicating with me.

Not many men are going to ask me out for coffee because I live at the bottom of the world, and the Australian men on here that have looked at my profile have either had no photos or don't agree with the teachings of the Church that I consider important, or they just aren't interested in me. when I first joined and viewed lots of profiles from all over the world, I sent out little winking emoticons or smiley faces to quite a few - but none of them were interested in me. I am prepared to live anywhere, but it just seems to me that men want to get to that face to face stage almost immediately so they don't want someone who lives far away. I don't really understand because once we have communicated via email/messages for awhile, we can then Skype with video for awhile, and if all seems good, I can travel to see the guy in person. I travel all over the world (just got back from Europe last July and was in the States for three months before that) so the idea of long distance doesn't worry me but I know that to some people, they have hardly moved outside their own locale, State, country.

Anyway, I guess what I was trying to say was that patience can open a lot of doors, if someone is prepared to invest a little time getting to know someone instead of just writing them off because they aren't nearby or not ready to give away personal info in the first one or two messages.

And BTW, at my age, I don't get many look sees at my profile. I got a lot when I first joined, but after checking them out - it seems that most of us were not good matches. I guess I am a little disappointed that a 'Catholic' site should have so many men who don't accept the teachings of the Church. I feel like a fossil sometimes because I still do.

Oh, Annie,

Yes, you can get "slammed" initially simply because your search and parameters have not been set up or quantified into the system....Yes! When it settles out....you are about where probably most everyone is...and we all sort of feel that we are in the world down-under....So, Good News, anyway!

You are not alone, and being in the Forum is a great place to be while God figures out how to get your man to you!

At least that's what we are all doing here thumbsup

Thanks for taking the time to understand MY misunderstanding! Appreciate that!
Barbara biggrin


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Jan 11th 2014 new
OOooh I hate machines ... and spelling/grammer checking... That "Touch" was written with an accented terminal "e" as in Fencing!

In know this is a bit outta context, and yet underscores a profound weakness in electronic communication and why I like to move on to a F2F.

A few years ago an upper-level Manager broadcast an eMail to his organization. He made the mistake of abbreviating Engineer as Engr. using it numerous times in his message. The email system (a product of a major software "maker" in my area) replaced every occurrence of Engr. with Negro. The result wasn't actionable, but it wasn't pretty either! I was a Systems Administrator at the time, and this ranking Manager came storming into our area furiously DEMANDING that we fix the spell check. I laughed so hard - tears streaming down my face - and I handed him a Post-It with the phone number to the software maker's Customer Care office, and suggested he send another email explaining the situation.

I turn OFF these auto correctors when ever I can. I still keep a dictionary and thesaurus close at hand. So I APPLAUD Margaret's post! Touch Margaret only if she asks you to!
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Jan 11th 2014 new
(quote) Barbara-863769 said: Call Marge in here .she will test your temperature! (just kidding
M.A.R.G.E!!! Where are you Aunt Marge?
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Jan 11th 2014 new
Closing a deal, or she'd be here. Her occupation used to be in marketing, you know.
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Jan 11th 2014 new
Your no fossil, Annie. I certainly would not stop communicating if asked to wait a bit and stick to just writing a while more... I would respect the request and appreciate the candor, and have done before.

Best of Luck to you. Do you realize that another of our dear CM friends from your town there Down Under is recently engaged?

Oh, and if you can box up some of that heat you're getting and send it up to our MidWest and NorEast, I'm sure it would be welcomed! wink
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Jan 11th 2014 new
I think the lack of effort to do the "work" of actually participating rather than just be a spectator is a big part of the problem. People look but don't reach out. Guys click LIKE or FAVORITE, but then don't follow through. You send a response to that click and get nothing in return. They didn't really want to interact, but just look and react without much thought. It's a lack of willingness to get involved. Again, just looking...
nothing ventured, nothing gained. Seriously people, what harm is there in just engaging in some kind and encouraging exchange?! We all say we want some interaction but don't engage. I know all of this sounds like I am a "Negative Nellie" when in reality I am a "Supportive Shelly" but few have made the effort to find that out. Sitting in the forums has been touted as being a way to get to know people, and it is, to a degree. But it seems it can also be a crutch, or a replacement of sorts, for the real deal. Maybe this format is artificial by nature of it's being more virtual than actual.
but I do believe it can work if entered into appropriately. That's why I am still here for now.
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Jan 11th 2014 new

People make snap judgments based on what they think would be perfect for them. If what they find is not centered around what their perfect ideal person would be, they do not take the time to see if there are good qualities they were not expecting. Often we are looking inward to our needs and expectations and if they are not immediately met we stop listening at the first uncowtowing words we hear.

It takes time and effort to really know someone.No one wants to take the time. They want instant gratification and if it is not found they just move on.

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