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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
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The One that got away....

Jan 14th 2014 new
Do you ever sit and wonder about that special someone in your past and think if things had just been a bit different, they may be your spouse? I turn 35.5 on Thursday so going back to really when I started dating for the first time in college about 17+ years ago, I definitely have those thoughts. I think about first girl I dated. I met her on the 2nd day of freshman orientation and dated her for a whopping 7 days before she met another guy at a keg party LOL. My first relationship experience was during my sophomore year. She was a freshman and we were set up through a family member. BAD IDEA!!! (For those of you 25 and under who have lived virtually all your lives since about 5th grade with the Internet, thank God that site like this now exist so you never, ever have to be set up again. The situation is still actually kinda akward to this day.. but I digress...) I had another relationship at age 24 that lasted for about 6 months. Probably my best to date. And then another 3+ years later with a gal I actually met on eharmony (you can read my profile for details on that). And through here on catholicmatch there have been numerous very short lived dating encounters. (You can actually read about 2 recent ones on a forum I just posted...)

Of the numerous very short lived dating encounters, there is one that sticks out. I first emotigrammed her about I believe the Spring of 2011. She never replied. I then emotigrammed her I believe a few more times over the next few months. No response. No harm, no foul. But, then at co-parish Christmas party in 2011 she just happened to be there and recognized me. To be honest, I am not sure if she hadn't said anything that I would have recognized her. Chicago is a big city and there are many profiles to gloss over. We then kinda hit it off at the party and exchanged numbers.

Usually, when I meet someone, I like things to develop very slowly in the beginning. Perhaps that has hurt me in a few cases in the past, but I just and not comfortable with the idea of basically being in a relationship someone only after a couple weeks of dating. 2-3 months is more in my comfort zone. However, in this particular case, I kinda got caught up in the moment and it was almost like we were in a relationship 1 week later. The only thing that slowed it down a bit was the fact that she went back home to Wisconsin for Christmas and New Years. Although we were in constant communication.

I suppose this freaked me out a bit even though I did really like her. I also had just become a catholic match paying again member after about a 3 or 4 month hiatus. I never had expected to have actually met someone at that particular Christmas party.. much less someone who recognized me from this site.

So, when she got back from Christmas break, I told her that I wasn't ready for all this and offered her friendship for now. Since we only had dated for a very short period of time, I was hoping she would be ok with that, but she definitely was not. It then got very akward and we actually went again a few weeks later. She said then she was open to letting it develop slowly but about a week later, she broke it off completely. I was filled with some mixed emotions and didn't really understand why she felt the need to close the door completely after saying before the door was still open. As it turned out, there was another guy in the picture - something I wasn't aware of at the time. I didnt find out about this other guy until several months later until she posted "in a relationship" on facebook. Since we weren't yet in a relationship, there was nothing technically wrong with that, but it nevertheless kinda bothered me. If she had been more upfront about that other situation, perhaps I would have acted differently. It is hard to say in retrospect but it is possible.

After this facebook posting, I did see her once more in person a few months later. We still remained facebook friends and she invited me to her going away party from Chicago. (She moved a couple of hours away.) I am not sure why exactly she did invite me, although, it may have been kinda and un-vite. She didnt really expect me or wanted me to go, but was just trying to be nice. I had reservations about going myself, but figured since this may be the last time I ever see her, what the hey?

I had to work earlier in the day so I got there about an hour late. I planned on making more of a cameo appearance and then just wishing her well. But, then when I noticed her bf wasnt there and when she was being a bit flirty towards me, I decided to stay a bit longer. I thought it was odd that he wasn't there so I thought maybe that situation perhaps had or was running its course.

Since this particular party wasnt the right time or place to tell her that I missed her, I wrote her an email the next day telling her how I felt. I then waited in agony for a reply and when her name appeared on my email, I actually couldnt read it for another day or two. I didnt really know what to expect but then I finally opened it, and it was very underwhelming to say the least. She told me her relationship was still going strong so that was that. I was disappointed but figured that since she was moving out of the area, perhaps it was for the best and I wished her well.

We then remained facebook friends for about another year after that. It was certainly akward to read updates about her relationship status but I wasnt about to defriend her. But eventually she unfriended me. I understood why but it still a bit of a daggar to know that officially we were done forever. But, anyways, I still wished her well privately.

But, the weird thing about facebook is that even when someone defriends you, you can still go to their profile and see updates and they never know you looked (unlike this site). It is kinda stalker-esque to an extent, but I cant help but look people up from the past from time to time. So, I admit I still looked to see what her status was from time to time. I then just looked tonight and saw she got engaged on new year's eve.

I suppose it is kinda a bittersweet feeling since I havent seen her in a year and a half and it has been 2 years since our very short courtship ended, but I cant help but think what could have been? I got engaged once to the wrong girl. But, was this the one that got away? embarassed

I am sure y'all have had other similar experiences.
Jan 14th 2014 new
There were two that I should have married (one or the other of the two, I mean.)
Jan 14th 2014 new
I believe life unfolds exactly as it should. Happy hunting!
Jan 14th 2014 new
Indeed! I took a liking to my step-sister's best friend, a wee colleen with black hair, intelligent eyes, and a mischievous smile; 100% Irish, I believe. I fell in love with her, but in the craziest twist of sense, she decided that I was just going out with her to be nice because she was my sister's friend! I could not convince her that I was sincere. She helped me get into University by explaining how to approach the financial aid. I still see her from time to time; she is a good, practicing Catholic. Sadly, though, she doesn't look happy, and that breaks my heart. Praying

Another lass I've known since Kindergarten. We catch up from time to time. We were a pair of sorts until my Mom died, and my Dad remarried moving us to another parish when I was in 6th Grade. We attended the same high school, but I was too shy to approach her, and she seemed to have forgotten about me (which she later confirmed!) Even just this Christmas when I saw her at Vigil Mass with her Mom, I see that pretty girl from so long ago. Sadly, she's fallen away from our Faith, and become rather bitter about it. I pray for her, and am glad that we are now good friends with some fun memories. Praying

There were two others from college, one a possibility, and the other I fell in love with. Both were pure and sweet young women, and both graduated well before me; I was dedicated to completing my degree which took all my concentration. I lost track of one, but the other is married and very successful here in the city.

I keep all of these in fond memory and in my prayers... and sometimes when writing a poem or song lyric, and find myself "stuck", I think of one of them, and my verse is re-ignited.

Now I look forward to the one that perhaps God is leading my way... the one that won't let ME get away! laughing tongue
Jan 14th 2014 new
Holding on to "what if"s or "could have been"s is just a way to miss the possibilities before you. If it wasn't right or didn't happen, let it go. We can all get bogged down in regrets or wishes, but we need to move on.
A friend once gave me something to remember:
was
is
wish
probably
meaning -- it was ..., it is now ..., I wish I had/could/did/didn't..., probably I need to/my choices are ...
It helps us look realistically at where we are and where we need to focus.

Jan 14th 2014 new
This makes me think of the expression: "When you love something, set it free...if it comes back it was meant to be."

If there is one thing we should all be aware of it is that we are here to fill God's will. We cannot think of the ifs and what ifs, we have to focus on the future and what the future has in store for us, and what God's plan is for us. There are times we feel down and we wonder why things unfold the way that they do, that is normal..but if you aren't married to someone it is because God has a different plan for you and them. Things happen for a reason and though we may not know the reason, it will unfold itself with time.


Jan 14th 2014 new
I like to think of myself as the One That Got Away. wink
Jan 14th 2014 new
Nice one Marge--with my past relationships, I think of it that way...or the best thing they never had! LOL
Jan 14th 2014 new
(quote) Patrick-341178 said:
Of the numerous very short lived dating encounters, there is one that sticks out. I first emotigrammed her about I believe the Spring of 2011. She never replied. I then emotigrammed her I believe a few more times over the next few months. No response. No harm, no foul. But, then at co-parish Christmas party in 2011 she just happened to be there and recognized me. ....
... it was almost like we were in a relationship 1 week later. ....   

..... I told her that I wasn't ready for all this and offered her friendship for now. ...., I was hoping she would be ok with that, but she definitely was not.  
Why are you spending time thinking about someone who wasn't kind enough to respond to your first contacts, and then had a cow when you didn't stick with her?
She ounds immature and possibly unstable. You lucked out, kiddo.
Jan 14th 2014 new
(quote) Marge-938695 said: Why are you spending time thinking about someone who wasn't kind enough to respond to your first contacts, and then had a cow when you didn't stick with her?
She ounds immature and possibly unstable. You lucked out, kiddo.
I wouldnt say I "had a cow". LOL. I was talking about 2 situations recently from this site where we had substantial contact and actually met in person. In both cases, if they decided they didnt want to pursue things further, I certainly respect that. I know that catholicmatch is a land of endless possibilities. All I am asking for is an email with some kind of an explanation. Is that too much too ask?
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