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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
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My Heart is Just Not in It

Jan 14th 2014 new
So I have to be honest and say that when I first joined this site I was wanting to find a relationship with a great guy. In a way I felt the sense of urgency to find someone. However, over the past few weeks my life situation has changed and along with it my sense or urgency...to find my soul mate. I guess in a way I am taking things as they are and hoping something happens, but I am okay just being friends with a guy while I get to know him...but the excitement of finding that man is just not there, not right now......is it wrong of me to be on this site? Of course who's to say that if I do start talking to someone the excitement won't come back? Is it even normal to think like that or am I settling because of fear that I may get excited for nothing?
Jan 14th 2014 new
(quote) Maria-1022025 said: So I have to be honest and say that when I first joined this site I was wanting to find a relationship with a great guy. In a way I felt the sense of urgency to find someone. However, over the past few weeks my life situation has changed and along with it my sense or urgency...to find my soul mate. I guess in a way I am taking things as they are and hoping something happens, but I am okay just being friends with a guy while I get to know him...but the excitement of finding that man is just not there, not right now......is it wrong of me to be on this site? Of course who's to say that if I do start talking to someone the excitement won't come back? Is it even normal to think like that or am I settling because of fear that I may get excited for nothing?
You know the wise advice -- if you want to find your mate then quit looking -- always seems to come along when you focus on other things -- btw this advice often works when married and wanting a baby as well for future reference shhh

There is nothing wrong with being on this site for friendship and companionship. You will know when you meet someone special. So just enjoy being you and getting to know other people.
Jan 14th 2014 new
Awwww hug
Sorry you are struggling with this Maria. sorry
Should you be on this site? Well, you're still open to finding a soul mate or at least friends. I'm here for marriage but open to friendship and I've already made some awesome friends. If you are here for friendship, but open to marriage I think that's a good enough reason. Just my two cents, but I don't think you should give up hoping even if it doesn't have the adrenaline push it had before.
God bless! biggrin
Jan 14th 2014 new
Maria, It's not that you don't need to try, just don't be overly eager. Friendship is the most important thing, before anything else has a chance to be possible.
Jan 14th 2014 new
(quote) Johnny-975202 said: Maria, It's not that you don't need to try, just don't be overly eager. Friendship is the most important thing, before anything else has a chance to be possible.
Yeah what Johnny said!!
Jan 14th 2014 new
Short of pulling the plug, you could just put the search on the back burner or switch your status to "friendship only."
Jan 14th 2014 new

Maria, I think I understand you pretty well. I always felt very strongly that my calling was to be a wife and mother. That intense desire has only increased as I've grown out of the post-graduate stress to simply survive, and then more with the birth of my nephews. However, at this point I feel worn down with the waiting. I've fallen into an unexpected career that has taken off seemingly without my efforts, I own a home, and I have those precious nephews. live close to my family who I love, and I live in a vibrant Catholic community (albeit devoid of single men;-) Life is pretty good. I start to think, maybe I can be whole with these things since God seems to have put them in my path as He hasn't done with marriage.

I think there is absolutely nothing wrong with remaining on the site and keeping yourself open to whatever path God leads you on, so long as you are open and honest with contacts you make. For me, I'm not especially interested in just making contacts who are not potential matches. But I also see no reason to obstruct whatever venue God might have in mind to use in shaping my life.

I wish you the best!

Jan 14th 2014 new
(quote) Maria-1022025 said: So I have to be honest and say that when I first joined this site I was wanting to find a relationship with a great guy. In a way I felt the sense of urgency to find someone. However, over the past few weeks my life situation has changed and along with it my sense or urgency...to find my soul mate. I guess in a way I am taking things as they are and hoping something happens, but I am okay just being friends with a guy while I get to know him...but the excitement of finding that man is just not there, not right now......is it wrong of me to be on this site? Of course who's to say that if I do start talking to someone the excitement won't come back? Is it even normal to think like that or am I settling because of fear that I may get excited for nothing?
I agree with Sean. You already paid to use this site might as well keep using it. That Is sort of what I am doing, though I haven't changed my profile to reflect that. It is after all still what I want in life just not neccessarily as urgent about it as I once was. The great thing I am finding about this site is how much more to it there is than browsing profiles and trying to cultivate something out of a few akward email exchanges. There are many opportunities to learn more about the Church, and it's laws regarding marriage for example I learned it is not as difficult as I once thought for divorcees to marry in the Church and the process to make it happen if and when the time comes.

Speaking of if and when the time comes, have you thought about how the ease of dicouragement causing you to think of giving up on the site itself could be a reflection of how things might turn out when you find your hypothetical soul mate? Perhaps sticking it out and getting the most out of this site while you have the subscription paid for may help you better prepare for not giving up when the honeymoon period of a possible future relationship is over and you star having doubts about making the right choice. Just food for thought. After all if it is a soul mate you are looking for, your ability to hang in there through the rough times is just as important as theirs.
Jan 15th 2014 new
Thanks guys for your perspectives...they have made me realize a few things-

That perhaps it is not that I am feeling disheartened, but that there is so much going on in my life right now that subconsciously I have taken finding a soul mate down a couple notches on the priority list. I have been praying for God's direction on setting priorities and I had a rough summer so perhaps this is the answer to my prayers.

I too have always heard that it comes when you least expect it, well His will be done. I just am not compelled to go out on a hunt...

I have made a few friends on here and I agree with you Joseph with the learning aspect of this site. I find it very intuitive and I love reading other people's perspectives and discussions when it comes down to it.

The friendship aspect is definitely an upside to all this and you guys are all right-nothing wrong with making new friends...and if something happens, then let it happen.... :)

Thank you all for the good suggestions and reflections!
Jan 15th 2014 new
Good for you Maria. Sounds like you are on a good path.
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