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This room is for supportive and informative discussion about divorce and/or the annulment process. All posters must have been previously divorced or annulled.

Saint Eugene De Mazenod is patron of dysfunctional families & Saint Fabiola obtained a divorce from her first husband prior to devoting her life to charitable works.
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What is the ideal, anyway?

Jan 15th 2014 new
This is awkward. I've been single for about four months and the paperwork from the court that finalizes my civil divorce is 'in the mail' to me. My next adventure will be the annulment process, but I'm already off topic now and it's only the third sentence. I just joined Catholic Match and I think it's a great site. However, I'm having trouble with the part where I say who my ideal match is. Can I just describe my ex-husband and then say, 'Don't be that guy?' But seriously, I've re-written it several times and now it's just blank. It has caused me to pause. With the understanding that it is a long process, how do you even begin to figure out what you are looking for after a divorce? Thanks!
Jan 15th 2014 new
Welcome, Salli! My personal approach has been to open yourself up as much as possible. I have spent a lot of time praying that God would lead me in his plan for my life. I have been open to meeting new people and just getting their perspective on life. I started with the base of a man who is strong in his Catholic Faith. Everything beyond that can be explored. How do we know that God might be asking us to consider someone that wouldn't be our typical "ideal"?
Jan 15th 2014 new
hug

If I may say something here. Healing from a divorce takes time. Lots of time. And the more 'over the marriage' we think we are (in the early stages) the more we need to dig deeper, because there are lots of layers to shift through.

Take the time to begin the annulment process. When done with patience, deliberation, and well thought out responses, filling out the paperwork for an annulment can help you get a clearer picture of who you were and who your ex was when you both said "I do" to each other. The annulment process can be a great beginning to learning about who we are, what we want, and where we want to go in life. Without experiencing some digging (in the dirt, so to speak) and healing, we may find ourselves repeating past (sometimes unhealthy) choices.

Good to have you on CM!
Jan 16th 2014 new
(quote) Maggie-965351 said: Welcome, Salli! My personal approach has been to open yourself up as much as possible. I have spent a lot of time praying that God would lead me in his plan for my life. I have been open to meeting new people and just getting their perspective on life. I started with the base of a man who is strong in his Catholic Faith. Everything beyond that can be explored. How do we know that God might be asking us to consider someone that wouldn't be our typical "ideal"?
Thank-you for the thoughtful response. It was helpful!
Jan 16th 2014 new
Yes, I've also heard that the wounds pop up too from time to time for many, many years. I'll be sure to be very deliberate and thoughtful when I do my annulment process. I am trying to not do any research online or anything about the process. I am just going to pray and be as honest as possible through the process. I know that God will create the outcome that He wants. Thanks for the encouragement!
Jan 17th 2014 new
Salli, since you have not started the annulment process I might suggest that in the "seeking" section you put, "friendship only", and leave it at that.
Jan 17th 2014 new
Haha...Salli, confusing right...? I also wrote all things of personalities that my ex doesn't has...... but the most important is..I also wrote all things that I really want from a husband :) so maybe you can just take out your ex from your mind then try to think what kind of person that you really want to be your husband ! haha... I'll pray for you
Jan 17th 2014 new
(quote) Joan-529855 said: Salli, since you have not started the annulment process I might suggest that in the "seeking" section you put, "friendship only", and leave it at that.
You are ABSOLUTELY right! I've tried to be clear on my profile and I have recently clarified it further. This is great input and I appreciate it!
Jan 17th 2014 new
(quote) Theresia-758681 said: Haha...Salli, confusing right...? I also wrote all things of personalities that my ex doesn't has...... but the most important is..I also wrote all things that I really want from a husband :) so maybe you can just take out your ex from your mind then try to think what kind of person that you really want to be your husband ! haha... I'll pray for you
I think the hardest part of the whole process is getting my ex out of my mind. Thanks for your prayers!
Jan 17th 2014 new
(quote) Salli-1049848 said: I'm having trouble with the part where I say who my ideal match is.

Hi Salli,

This is your opportunity to think a bit beyond your thoughts or "idealizing" desires of a prospective husband.

How about if you just let God do the "ideal guy" picking for you? Feel free to carry on the conversation with God. He will listen, but He already knows what will be best for you. However, given your present status, it may take a bit of time before you hear from God's end :) I think we can deduce that God will not act until the Church does the annulment discernment.

My ideal match description is a real short prayer (a direct question to God); Lord, what say You?

If we ask, He will answer in His own way and in His time.

It doesn't stop us from expressing our desires, but just be aware that some things we may ask without offense, and some things can become an albatross, so to speak.


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