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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

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Is courtship dead?

Jan 25 new

Earlier, I was looking @ the Godfather & couldnt help being caught up in the courtship b/t Michael Corleon & Apollonia (his first wife) in the old country. With the exception of the entourage of older women following them when they walked on the road, I loved the importance and getting to know the family. I also admired the respect, courtesies, chivalry involved in the courtship.

Ladies, what is your idea of how courtship should look? Gentlemen, how would you "court" one of the lovely ladies here on CM?

Jan 25 new
Lol oh my gosh, no! That style of courtship would be so anxiety-ridden for me! I lived at home for about a year, until last July. I basically didn't date--and when I did, I'd meet them out somewhere. I like getting to know men on my own terms first, before I introduce them to the family.

I think for certain people, this style of dating works. For me, especially now, it just wouldn't fit in. I mean, I spend a lot of time with my family...but I also live on my own, about 30 minutes from my family. It would be weird if a guy asked me out, and I flipped open my calendar to say, "OK, I'd love to! So there's a family dinner on Saturday evening, if you're free. Wine cork pops at 5. Dinner's on at 6. Wait hold on, let me call my mom and make sure we can just add another plate at the table. Oh, and do you like scrabble? Cause that's gonna happen later, too."
Jan 25 new
This is a great question, Joan.

Winning a woman's heart through purity of intention is the ideal. Many will surely laugh at this, but calling on a woman at home is the most respectful first date I can think of. It not only shows that you're interested in knowing her as a whole person--as part of a family--but it also reminds both parties that marriage brings about new families, complete with all the sacrifices that families make for one another.

There's one additional merit to the old-fashioned method: families usually have a much keener eye for potential character flaws than do smitten sweethearts. Running the gauntlet of the mother, the father, the siblings, and even the family dog indicates that a man has guts, and that he's willing to submit to the much more sober inspection protocol of everyone in a woman's life who cares about her the most. If he ain't a stand-up guy, he ain't going to want to bother.

One needn't spend more than fifteen or twenty minutes at her house on the first date. Just stopping by to call on her is enough.
Jan 26 new
(quote) Jason-818994 said: This is a great question, Joan.

Winning a woman's heart through purity of intention is the ideal. Many will surely laugh at this, but calling on a woman at home is the most respectful first date I can think of. It not only shows that you're interested in knowing her as a whole person--as part of a family--but it also reminds both parties that marriage brings about new families, complete with all the sacrifices that families make for one another.

There's one additional merit to the old-fashioned method: families usually have a much keener eye for potential character flaws than do smitten sweethearts. Running the gauntlet of the mother, the father, the siblings, and even the family dog indicates that a man has guts, and that he's willing to submit to the much more sober inspection protocol of everyone in a woman's life who cares about her the most. If he ain't a stand-up guy, he ain't going to want to bother.

One needn't spend more than fifteen or twenty minutes at her house on the first date. Just stopping by to call on her is enough.
Wise man! You will make some lucky gal a wonderful husband.
Jan 26 new
(quote) Jason-818994 said: This is a great question, Joan.

Winning a woman's heart through purity of intention is the ideal. Many will surely laugh at this, but calling on a woman at home is the most respectful first date I can think of. It not only shows that you're interested in knowing her as a whole person--as part of a family--but it also reminds both parties that marriage brings about new families, complete with all the sacrifices that families make for one another.

There's one additional merit to the old-fashioned method: families usually have a much keener eye for potential character flaws than do smitten sweethearts. Running the gauntlet of the mother, the father, the siblings, and even the family dog indicates that a man has guts, and that he's willing to submit to the much more sober inspection protocol of everyone in a woman's life who cares about her the most. If he ain't a stand-up guy, he ain't going to want to bother.

One needn't spend more than fifteen or twenty minutes at her house on the first date. Just stopping by to call on her is enough.
Hello Jason,

You brought back some memories of what my mother use to say about dating and my moms brother. My mom grew up in poverty with a great catholic foundation. Her mother had 12 children. 5 of which passed on. Without getting into the legalities of that time, I recall my Uncle saying, when he dated his future wife, they always had chaperone(s) with them. He said, he recalls sitting on a swing set in the backyard with her, just to touch her hand was an incredible moment, as the chaperone was always watching. He didn't give her a kiss until they were married. I bet back then, the moment of that true love, those true feelings, had to be awesome to experience through dating, but more so of the excitement and building of the wedding night. So sad we've lost that. Amazing a man of your age to bring such enlightment to your reply.

blessings,
sharon
Jan 26 new
(quote) Jason-818994 said: This is a great question, Joan.

Winning a woman's heart through purity of intention is the ideal.....It not only shows that you're interested in knowing her as a whole person--as part of a family--but it also reminds both parties that marriage brings about new families, complete with all the sacrifices that families make for one another.

There's one additional merit to the old-fashioned method: families usually have a much keener eye for potential character flaws than do smitten sweethearts. Running the gauntlet of the mother, the father, the siblings, and even the family dog indicates that a man has guts, and that he's willing to submit to the much more sober inspection protocol of everyone in a woman's life who cares about her the most. If he ain't a stand-up guy, he ain't going to want to bother.

I LOVE this! These days, the 'family inspection' works both ways, too. It's wise to get to know as many of the people in your sweetheart's life - family, close friends, etc - and see how they all interact and how they treat you as well.

That said - not ALL opinions of those who love us are equal in my mind. I only really take to heart what my Mom, my kids, and a few truly close friends think. (I'll never please everyone, and my siblings aren't exactly like me - we have our own preferences and ideas of how well someone else blends in.) If another of my family members / friends doesn't care for my choice - it won't necessarily stop me from proceeding - but it will cause me to take a closer look at what THEY see - just to be sure I'm not looking through rose-colored glasses.
Jan 26 new
Hi Joan,

I don't think that courtship is dead. We are not called as Christians to just date but to find out the intention that God has with the couple. Be careful of just that romantic image in that society gives, especially "The Godfather" -- you will know them by their fruit of the spirit.



Jan 26 new
Seems to me that it doesn't matter if it is or not.
What's dead is anyone asking anyone out.
Jan 26 new
(quote) Marge-938695 said: Seems to me that it doesn't matter if it is or not.
What's dead is anyone asking anyone out.
Marge, thanks for the reality check!
Jan 26 new
(quote) Jason-818994 said: Many will surely laugh at this, but calling on a woman at home is the most respectful first date I can think of[etc.]

Anyone with an interest in this subject will likely find the linked discussion informative as well as entertaining: "A Baffled Suitor Requests a Date", from Catholic writer Laura Wood's blog "The Thinking Housewife":
www.thinkinghousewife.com

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