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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
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Being friends, I know is maybe the best way to conduct relationships with fellow children of God. After all, the best marriages tend to be people who are best friends as well as lovers. How does this develop if not through being friends first? I understand this, but what makes a friendship into more than just that? In my experience once friends, always friends. It has caused me much pain in the past as I watch a woman I care for keep me only for moral support or comfort when something goes wrong in her dating life.(at least this is my interpretation) Is this "Friend-Zone" a form of protection? Is it a way to have the best of both worlds, friendship and romance? Why does a man like me have such a hard time being seen as anything more than just a friend? And finally is it best to back away when this happens? I know I threw a few loaded questions out there, but I just have lot of them. I would very much appreciate any input. Thanks.
Jan 30 new
(quote) Lucas-1022655 said: Being friends, I know is maybe the best way to conduct relationships with fellow children of God. After all, the best marriages tend to be people who are best friends as well as lovers. How does this develop if not through being friends first? I understand this, but what makes a friendship into more than just that? In my experience once friends, always friends. It has caused me much pain in the past as I watch a woman I care for keep me only for moral support or comfort when something goes wrong in her dating life.(at least this is my interpretation) Is this "Friend-Zone" a form of protection? Is it a way to have the best of both worlds, friendship and romance? Why does a man like me have such a hard time being seen as anything more than just a friend? And finally is it best to back away when this happens? I know I threw a few loaded questions out there, but I just have lot of them. I would very much appreciate any input. Thanks.
I have age on you and maybe a little experience. The friend "type" which sounds like you may be, can be abused and misused by other people. However, you need to remember that it is a two way street. If you know a person only wants to be friends but keeps you around for helping out when necessary and then does something else when you are not needed, this person is NOT repeat NOT your friend. You need to nicely say or not say I have other things to do. As far as knowing when a friendship has turned into a relationship, well I have always been able to know (or should I say feel that). A real friendship brings support and job and much more. As that grows your feelings for the other person changes and your relationship turns into a romantic relationship. You think about the person a lot, your emotions intensify, your begin building meaningful foundation, and you have a mutual attraction. This takes time and effort by both parties. Good luck and God Bless.
Jan 30 new
the "Friend zone".. is before the Red zone which means you're not getting anywhere near the End zone..and you have to punt the ball.
And, what that means is... maybe she doesn't feel the butterflies in her stomach.. or get all starry eyed when she thinks of you lovestruck! .. or.. maybe there is a little quirkiness that she picked up on.. which made her go.. hmmmm.. scratchchin

Regardless of the reason.. the "friend-zone" is not a bad place to be.. it allows one to be objective and look for compatibility while building a mutually healthy and respectful relationship with someone.. and so much more. Friendship is loving someone for who they actually are and not who you want them to be.. and that my friend is my two cents Praying
Jan 30 new
(quote) Lucas-1022655 said: Being friends, I know is maybe the best way to conduct relationships with fellow children of God. After all, the best marriages tend to be people who are best friends as well as lovers. How does this develop if not through being friends first? I understand this, but what makes a friendship into more than just that? In my experience once friends, always friends. It has caused me much pain in the past as I watch a woman I care for keep me only for moral support or comfort when something goes wrong in her dating life.(at least this is my interpretation) Is this "Friend-Zone" a form of protection? Is it a way to have the best of both worlds, friendship and romance? Why does a man like me have such a hard time being seen as anything more than just a friend? And finally is it best to back away when this happens? I know I threw a few loaded questions out there, but I just have lot of them. I would very much appreciate any input. Thanks.
Once you are in the friends zone it is almost impossible to get out. This past spring, I met a girl who recently joined my church group on a community hike. I felt we hit it off and I asked her casually out for coffee. She kinda gave me a non response and I let it go. A couple months later, we started kinda hanging out again, but this time clearly as friends. It wasnt horrible or anything, but I did wonder if it was a waste of time and efforts I could be spending on other girls especially from this site. Then, I saw her at our church Christmas party and she was on a date with another guy, and I think they have dated since then. I dont think there was really anything else I could have done in retrospect; however, when she initially didnt jump at my offer to get coffee, I probably should have let it go there. Then, once we were back in the friends zone, I really had not chance.

So, how to handle it? Just be nice when you see her and concentrate your efforts on other women.
Jan 30 new
RUN!

Or punt the ball...

Just don't hang out in that particular zone for too long.
Jan 30 new
What the Friend-Zone is depends on how you get there. I think people often 'friend-zone' people they are dating because they know they aren't interested in the person romantically. It's very hard to get out of that kind of friend-zone, if not impossible. But if you are in the friend-zone because you've always been friends and haven't dated, I think there is a lot more hope. At any rate, I've had male friends I would have liked to date if they'd been Catholic.

But yeah, being friend-zoned is super lame. It probably is better to back away when this happens, for the sake of your own feelings.
Feb 01 new
Just underscoring a point made by Jamie above, because it strikes me as important: If someone knows that you have romantic feelings for him/her and keeps you around in the Friend-Zone, then he/she probably isn't even much of a friend.
Feb 01 new

I agree, Paul. It would be painful to have to observe your "friend" with another once you have feelings for them and then have to subject yourself to listening about their tales of woe with their other relationships. I think it's best to just let them go their way so you can go yours.

I saw a video yesterday with the message "If someone walks out of your life, let them." You deserve better.

Feb 01 new
Excellent point Paul- I agree with you completely! And while it's intellectually straightforward, emotionally it's easier said than done. We needs to be clear and honest about our self-serving tendencies (specifically all the ego gratification we get when someone likes us) and think about what is best for someone else.
Feb 02 new
Make that "need" not "needs"...:)
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