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This room is for those who have lost a spouse and need support or who can provide support to those who have.

Saint Paula is the patron saint of widows and Saint Stephen is the patron saint of deacons
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Anniversary

Feb 3rd 2014 new
Dear CM forum,
It is coming up to the 1 yr anniversary of my wife's death, and i am slowly falling apart. I really thought I was strong enough for this, but I guess big tuff men fall apart too. So I have decided to take 3 wk road trip to refresh myself. One of hard things about this, is she died in our bed by her choice with her family around. It still doesn't make it any easier every time I am in bed. I have tried to replace her with my 10yr lab, but it i s not the same LOL. Part 2 to this, is I was just starting a new relationship and she changed course to say she need to try to get her third ex back ( which has been annulled) because she doesn't think she tried hard enough to save the marriage. She needs to be absolutely sure that It cannot be save before starting over, which terrifies her. I guess I can't blame her for that, she just picked a bad week to start it. I am more dissappointed than hurt, but like everything else in my life. I will survive. So a road trip it will down south to see other family and try to make some sense out of this.
Thanks for listening me ramble on.
Prayers and Happiness
Feb 3rd 2014 new
(quote) Kevin-975826 said: Dear CM forum,
It is coming up to the 1 yr anniversary of my wife's death, and i am slowly falling apart. I really thought I was strong enough for this, but I guess big tuff men fall apart too. So I have decided to take 3 wk road trip to refresh myself. One of hard things about this, is she died in our bed by her choice with her family around. It still doesn't make it any easier every time I am in bed. I have tried to replace her with my 10yr lab, but it i s not the same LOL. Part 2 to this, is I was just starting a new relationship and she changed course to say she need to try to get her third ex back ( which has been annulled) because she doesn't think she tried hard enough to save the marriage. She needs to be absolutely sure that It cannot be save before starting over, which terrifies her. I guess I can't blame her for that, she just picked a bad week to start it. I am more dissappointed than hurt, but like everything else in my life. I will survive. So a road trip it will down south to see other family and try to make some sense out of this.
Thanks for listening me ramble on.
Prayers and Happiness
Yikes, Kevin!...you have been slammed with emotions!

A road trip to sunshine and warm family might just be what the doctor ordered! Until you leave for that trip, with the snow everywhere coming back again, maybe it might be good to try a different bedroom or a pull out couch/futon for sleep...just for a while to get past the anniversary...for a restful sleep for your road trip...

It might not be anyone's fault, exactly...but you have been on a yo-yo of emotions. It sounds like you have a plan, though, and you are "listening" to yourself and recognizing a need for a 'break" from intensity... that is all GOOD stuff. Keep listening to your own "cues"...and God talks in that still, small voice!!!!

I'll be praying for your intentions. theheart
Barbara
Feb 4th 2014 new
Thanks for your comments, they do help
Feb 4th 2014 new
(quote) Kevin-975826 said: Dear CM forum,
It is coming up to the 1 yr anniversary of my wife's death, and i am slowly falling apart. I really thought I was strong enough for this, but I guess big tuff men fall apart too. So I have decided to take 3 wk road trip to refresh myself. One of hard things about this, is she died in our bed by her choice with her family around. It still doesn't make it any easier every time I am in bed. I have tried to replace her with my 10yr lab, but it i s not the same LOL. Part 2 to this, is I was just starting a new relationship and she changed course to say she need to try to get her third ex back ( which has been annulled) because she doesn't think she tried hard enough to save the marriage. She needs to be absolutely sure that It cannot be save before starting over, which terrifies her. I guess I can't blame her for that, she just picked a bad week to start it. I am more dissappointed than hurt, but like everything else in my life. I will survive. So a road trip it will down south to see other family and try to make some sense out of this.
Thanks for listening me ramble on.
Prayers and Happiness
Sorry for your loss, Kevin. I will keep you in my prayers. Hang tough and don't despair. I think taking a trip will help, and keep praying for strength and guidance. The Lord never abandons us.

Peace to you and your family.theheart
Feb 4th 2014 new

1. a hug
2. Grief is a rollercoaster. You may feel great in year 2 and lousy again in year 4. Don't expect too much of yourself.
3. Get rid of the bed. Get a new one, and place it against a different wall. Or start sleeping in another room. Buy new sheets and covers. Make it clear to yourself every time you go to sleep that things are different now -- new, and potentially exciting.
4. Dating seriously within less than a year? Forget it! You aren't ready. (Obviously, neither is your lady friend, and I'll bet she, too, started dating too soon.)
5. WHO ARE YOU NOW THAT YOU ARE NO LONGER "US"? When you can answer that question, then you are ready to move on. Otherwise, you are confusing yourself and cheating the new person out of a full relationship.


(Sorry if I sound harsh, but these are lessons I learned going through the same thing as you. May God send you peace and comfort. Take it easy!)

Feb 7th 2014 new
(quote) Marge-938695 said:

1. a
2. Grief is a rollercoaster. You may feel great in year 2 and lousy again in year 4. Don't expect too much of yourself.
3. Get rid of the bed. Get a new one, and place it against a different wall. Or start sleeping in another room. Buy new sheets and covers. Make it clear to yourself every time you go to sleep that things are different now -- new, and potentially exciting.
4. Dating seriously within less than a year? Forget it! You aren't ready. (Obviously, neither is your lady friend, and I'll bet she, too, started dating too soon.)
5. WHO ARE YOU NOW THAT YOU ARE NO LONGER "US"? When you can answer that question, then you are ready to move on. Otherwise, you are confusing yourself and cheating the new person out of a full relationship.


(Sorry if I sound harsh, but these are lessons I learned going through the same thing as you. May God send you peace and comfort. Take it easy!)

Marge, your input is right on.
It has been awhile since my wife passed away. I do remember a greiving counselor saying there are 7 stages we all have to go through and we all go through them at different speed.
Until we do we are not ready to move on.

Around the 3rd year I thought I was ready to start dating. Then one day the lady
told me, she felt she was dating a married man. So #5 is very important.

Do not be anxious to move on, grieving is part of the healing process. We all heal
at different levels.
God Bless

Feb 8th 2014 new
hug and PrayingKevin Everyone grieves at their own pace. Sometimes you need to talk it out. Be kind to yourself and let yourself be what you are. Praying Do good things for yourself. That trip will do you good. I am truly sorry for your loss. We are all here to support you. hug Dove
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