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This room is for supportive and informative discussion about divorce and/or the annulment process. All posters must have been previously divorced or annulled.

Saint Eugene De Mazenod is patron of dysfunctional families & Saint Fabiola obtained a divorce from her first husband prior to devoting her life to charitable works.
Learn More: Saint Eugene De Mazenod and Saint Fabiola

We all go through it at some point in our lives, a relationship ends. Whether we ended it or the other person did, whether it needed to end or we didn't expect it and it came as a shock. We all know that sick feeling in our hearts when all the hopes and dreams are crushed. We have all experienced that feeling of vertigo and nausea like we are on a bad carnival ride after eating salmonella laced chicken.

So what do you do to cope?
Feb 24th 2014 new
I allow myself time to grieve. I treat myself to something special (DVD, book, flowers). I ask God to heal me.
Feb 24th 2014 new
OH, excuse me, I only saw the topic title; were you referring to a marriage breaking up or a dating relationship? Whole different kettle of fish. My comment above was for the second one. When I was getting divorced and afterwards, I had to cling to God like a frightened kitten (claws and all). If you could "wear out" a Psalm by saying it to yourself, I would have worn out the first part of Psalm 27.

The grieving part still applied, just took a lot longer.
Feb 24th 2014 new
Are you asking about dating breakups or grieving the loss of a spouse through divorce or death? In any of those circumstances we all grieve the loss in some fashion. I feel it is more a matter of degrees, how deep that grief runs. And that is dependent on whether or not I was the dumper or dumpee.

We all go through the five phases of grief, sometimes it is faster than others, but they are all there if we look for them; shock/denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Some folks try to dodge it by replacing the lost relationship and some get stuck on one or more of the phases, but if we are going be able to truly love again, we have to get through to acceptance. And one of the major steps along this path is forgiveness! Forgiving our ex, forgiving God, the Church, seeking forgiveness for our faults from God, perhaps from our ex, but ultimately we must forgive ourselves.

I first learned this in the mid-nineties when my wife of 9.5 years and 2 children filed for divorce and had me thrown out of the dream home we had built. It was two years before I felt well enough emotionally to begin dating again. My salvation at that time was irst Coping Sessions and then Beginning Experience. Through BE I was able, first to start healing, and then by serving on team, really heal.

So that is how I cope with the end of a relationship, I grieve the loss, eventually get to acceptance, and move on!
Feb 24th 2014 new
The key for me was to not question the emotions or the normalcy of them and take it a day at a time with no shortcuts.
Feb 25th 2014 new
On a much lighter note, I remember chocolate and sappy movies being helpful. wink
Feb 26th 2014 new
Break ups make bodybuilders

shhh
Feb 26th 2014 new
This is a great time to reconnect with people you love, such as family and friends. Be thankful for the time you had in the relationship that ended and ask yourself what you you learned so you can be better prepared for your next opportunity to date and find the right person.

Ok, I've done all that. And always come to the the same conclusion that it wasn't meant to be. It's really that simple and that hard to understand.
Feb 27th 2014 new
It's difficult. When a relationship ends, we experience it on a very primal level. It's especially devastating if we've been rejected. A friend used to wag his finger in my face and say: "rejection is God's protection". I wanted to grab that finger of his and twist until it snapped. But he was right. Relationships end because something is fatally wrong with them. It's like a miscarriage. Something went terribly wrong with the pregnancy. When enough time has passed to be able to look back at it, we begin to see the flaws in the relationship and how it would not have been successful or lasting even though we had such strong feelings.

The best thing we can do is take stock of what went wrong focusing on OUR ROLE in that process. We can't change others but we can try to see our own faults and seek to correct them so they aren't repeated the next time around.

Feb 27th 2014 new
Great response, David. All we can do is look at our 'contributions' to the relationship and realize what needs work!
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