Faith Focused Dating. Create your Free Profile and meet your Match! Sign Up for Free

error: Forum not initialized properly! Please check the link and try again.

info: Please Sign Up or Sign In to continue.

A place to learn, mingle, and share

This room is for supportive and informative discussion about divorce and/or the annulment process. All posters must have been previously divorced or annulled.

Saint Eugene De Mazenod is patron of dysfunctional families & Saint Fabiola obtained a divorce from her first husband prior to devoting her life to charitable works.
Learn More: Saint Eugene De Mazenod and Saint Fabiola

I am not proud of being divorced but that does not give anyone who has not had the experience the right to start throwing stones at us. It is also not right for our friends and loved one to all of sudden begin to abandon us. What do you all think?

Mar 8th 2014 new
Divorces can happen for many reasons.

Sometimes they happen for serious and necessary reasons (e.g., protection of children, safety of a spouse).

Sometimes they happen for reasons that seem more casual or improper (e.g., boredom, irresponsibility).

If people around you are used to divorce (especially those entered into for casual reasons), they may assume your divorce was no big deal.

If people around you have never experienced divorce, they may be largely clueless about such painful experiences.

If people "close" to you are simply "Good-time Charlies," they may look away from your pain because "they don't do pain". Even immediate family members can fall into this category.

And if a marriage was a dangerous nightmare, it is difficult to see how inexperienced outsiders can truly understand the pain and the consequent necessity of divorce.

Which is a long-winded and roundabout way of saying don't be surprised if friends and loved ones are not handling your divorce well.

Professional counselors and support groups are probably better at handling these issues (i.e., issues that your immediate "loved ones" are ignoring or denigrating).

Peace and blessings,
Mar 8th 2014 new
Divorce is scary for some people -- they keep away to not get 'contaminated'.
Divorce is 'wrong' and 'bad' -- we never should divorce for frivolous reasons, but may still do and we who have divorced for necessary reasons are painted with the same brush.
I was of the mindset that I would never divorce as it is against everything I believe about marriage -- but to protect my self and my children I had to. Since my marriage looked so 'good, perfect, happy' on the outside, many think the divorce was wrong to do and may think badly of me. Those who have never walked in our shoes should not speak out against us. It is hard. But those who ask, I explain and though it is painful, it is better they know and protect their own children, friends, family from those like my ex once they know.
Mar 8th 2014 new
(quote) Jorge-659500 said:

I am not proud of being divorced but that does not give anyone who has not had the experience the right to start throwing stones at us. It is also not right for our friends and loved one to all of sudden begin to abandon us. What do you all think?

I agree with Jack and Rachel, however if you truly walked away from your family then you have more problems than your friends/loved ones throwing stones at you and abandoning you. No one has the right to abandon their family, no matter how difficult and painful it is to "work things out". If your spouse was an addict and/or mentally ill you can protect yourself and your family by filing for legal separation and an order of protection. Divorce is not the answer. Abandoning your family is not the answer.

Now if your former spouse filed for a divorce from you, because of "no fault" rulings in most states there is nothing you can do to prevent the divorce. Your friends/loved ones should be able to understand that YOU didn't abandon your family, however your former spouse did, in which case she will have to answer to God for her decision.
Mar 9th 2014 new
(quote) Jack-752986 said: Divorces can happen for many reasons.

Sometimes they happen for serious and necessary reasons (e.g., protection of children, safety of a spouse).

Sometimes they happen for reasons that seem more casual or improper (e.g., boredom, irresponsibility).

If people around you are used to divorce (especially those entered into for casual reasons), they may assume your divorce was no big deal.

If people around you have never experienced divorce, they may be largely clueless about such painful experiences.

If people "close" to you are simply "Good-time Charlies," they may look away from your pain because "they don't do pain". Even immediate family members can fall into this category.

And if a marriage was a dangerous nightmare, it is difficult to see how inexperienced outsiders can truly understand the pain and the consequent necessity of divorce.

Which is a long-winded and roundabout way of saying don't be surprised if friends and loved ones are not handling your divorce well.

Professional counselors and support groups are probably better at handling these issues (i.e., issues that your immediate "loved ones" are ignoring or denigrating).

Peace and blessings,
Well put, Jack. Painful experiences in general often send people running--away. Those who have experienced intense pain or are professionals can best be of support. We here on CM are also for support, as one chooses, either on an individual or group (fora) basis.
Mar 10th 2014 new

When I was first divorced 25 years ago most people"friends" dropped me. Thought, apparently that I would be interested in their husbands. NOPE. However some of their husbands didn't mind making a pass at me. GROSS.


I don't know why folk do this however you find out who your friends are really.

Mar 11th 2014 new
Jorge, I don't know where you are in your separation/ divorce/ annulment process, nor do I know your timeline. It takes time for everyone to adjust. I was so angry that first year after I left my husband. He was still running around with his bad behaviors, and telling.most folks that I wouldn't talk to him or work on a reconciliation. I did catch the brunt of family members and some friends anger. Fortunately I am blessed with a half dozen plus wonderful Catholic women friends that stuck right beside me, handed me meals after work if I had 10 minutes go swing by their back doors, listened to me cry, and cheered me.all the way to Steubenville, OH to go back to school and follow my dreams. I hope you have a friends that are sticking close by you. The rest sorts itself out, slowly, oh so slowly... The person I most had to forgive was myself. Please look for some.sort of support group or men's group if your parish has one. God Bless.
Posts 1 - 7 of 7