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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

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Hello fellow CM'ers! This is something I have been curious about for quite some time and ladies I request your input please. How long should a guy wait to tell a woman he thinks she is quite beautiful or let her know that a certain feature really strikes the guy such as the smile or eyes? I know everyone loves a compliment (guys included), but I struggle with compliments because I am afraid the woman will think it is too forward or too fast. I tend to overthink these things and psych myself out. Thank you in advance.
Mar 17th 2014 new
(quote) Jeff-703739 said: Hello fellow CM'ers! This is something I have been curious about for quite some time and ladies I request your input please. How long should a guy wait to tell a woman he thinks she is quite beautiful or let her know that a certain feature really strikes the guy such as the smile or eyes? I know everyone loves a compliment (guys included), but I struggle with compliments because I am afraid the woman will think it is too forward or too fast. I tend to overthink these things and psych myself out. Thank you in advance.
Jeff any genuine compliment will pop up at its appropriate time. For example, you are enjoying dinner and conversation and something makes her smile. That's a nice moment to tell her, "I really like your smile", or "you have a great smile". She might thank you, blush and thank you, or open the door for you to tell her more -- like "Oh, really" or "What else do you like about me?"

Non-genuine compliments are always awkward, even coming from the most practiced of men.

My son has always been very smooth with the girls, much to his uncle's amazement and my chagrin. But, when he encountered the woman who is now my daughter-in-law, one of the first things he said to her, when he finally got the opportunity, was :I am so glad you said something, I've been trying to figure out for the last thirty minutes how to tell you how beautiful you are." My daughter-in-law responded with, "Oh, shut up." And, then asked him if he had found any good sea shells. He showed her and she was most unimpressed with his collection of broken shells. . . but they spent the following five hours sitting on the pier talking and now they are awaiting their first baby.
Mar 17th 2014 new
Great story Lauren! I should clarify that I meant mostly in messages and emotes on here. I missed that in my proofreading the post. If I get a date with a woman I am fairly confident and comfortable with giving those compliments and when is a good time to do so. I do appreciate your view and advice though :)
Mar 17th 2014 new
(quote) Jeff-703739 said: Great story Lauren! I should clarify that I meant mostly in messages and emotes on here. I missed that in my proofreading the post. If I get a date with a woman I am fairly confident and comfortable with giving those compliments and when is a good time to do so. I do appreciate your view and advice though :)
LOL okay then Jeff --- DO NOT DO THEM IN THE FIRST POST -- because so do scammers and they come on heavy. I think the same would apply to written correspondence or chatting, there is a flow. And, you might very well get the opening with a line like, "So, what made you interested in contacting m -- but I wouldn't necessarily lead with beauty -- maybe the smile in a specific photo would work, but start with something about their minds or way of writing or something along those lines.
Mar 17th 2014 new
(quote) Jeff-703739 said: Hello fellow CM'ers! This is something I have been curious about for quite some time and ladies I request your input please. How long should a guy wait to tell a woman he thinks she is quite beautiful or let her know that a certain feature really strikes the guy such as the smile or eyes? I know everyone loves a compliment (guys included), but I struggle with compliments because I am afraid the woman will think it is too forward or too fast. I tend to overthink these things and psych myself out. Thank you in advance.
I think you may be overthinking this a bit. It wasn't too long ago that guys knew how to be complimentary towards a woman and women knew how to be receptive to genuine compliments. However, in today's over-sexualized, and hypersensitive society, where men have been emasculated and women have been conditioned from childhood to believe that a any "manly" act is a form of sexual harassment, we're all sitting here at our computers debating over how to be the men and women that we were once acknowledged as being rather than actually being the men and women that we are.

Now... how long should you wait? Good question. Personally, I think the better question is: how long are you going to make her wait to hear you say something nice to her? I'm not suggesting that you open the floodgates and choke her with them, mind you, but if you see or hear something that you feel is worthy of a compliment, say so.

That said, I wouldn't make her wait too long, especially if she digs you. Once she becomes of the mind that you're not all that into her, you're pretty much done. "Too little, too" late is not the place you want to be.

Pax
theheart
Mar 17th 2014 new
(quote) Victor-544727 said: I think you may be overthinking this a bit. It wasn't too long ago that guys knew how to be complimentary towards a woman and women knew how to be receptive to genuine compliments. However, in today's over-sexualized, and hypersensitive society, where men have been emasculated and women have been conditioned from childhood to believe that a any "manly" act is a form of sexual harassment, we're all sitting here at our computers debating over how to be the men and women that we were once acknowledged as being rather than actually being the men and women that we are.

Now... how long should you wait? Good question. Personally, I think the better question is: how long are you going to make her wait to hear you say something nice to her? I'm not suggesting that you open the floodgates and choke her with them, mind you, but if you see or hear something that you feel is worthy of a compliment, say so.

That said, I wouldn't make her wait too long, especially if she digs you. Once she becomes of the mind that you're not all that into her, you're pretty much done. "Too little, too" late is not the place you want to be.

Pax

Victor- wow, you summed it all up so succinctly, and well. It's so true that we've become hypersensitive due to the influences you cite.
And I also agree with you- getting there too late with affirming words can do damage. She too should take initiative in a natural way, stemming from her sense of joy about this man.
Mar 17th 2014 new

THERE ARE NO RULES.

You're right, you are over-thinking it. Say it when you feel it. (No one likes a compliment that's been rehearsed.)

Just don't be extravagant. Just say it, let her say "thanks", and move on with the conversation.

Mar 17th 2014 new
It's about gender differences and letting things flow naturally from them. Whether or not there are rules is a different point. So it seems we either acknowledge and sustain those gender differences, or we believe they are irrelevant. Today, as I've said before, they are all blurred in the current climate.
Mar 17th 2014 new
(quote) Lauren-927923 said: Jeff any genuine compliment will pop up at its appropriate time. For example, you are enjoying dinner and conversation and something makes her smile. That's a nice moment to tell her, "I really like your smile", or "you have a great smile". She might thank you, blush and thank you, or open the door for you to tell her more -- like "Oh, really" or "What else do you like about me?"

Non-genuine compliments are always awkward, even coming from the most practiced of men.

My son has always been very smooth with the girls, much to his uncle's amazement and my chagrin. But, when he encountered the woman who is now my daughter-in-law, one of the first things he said to her, when he finally got the opportunity, was :I am so glad you said something, I've been trying to figure out for the last thirty minutes how to tell you how beautiful you are." My daughter-in-law responded with, "Oh, shut up." And, then asked him if he had found any good sea shells. He showed her and she was most unimpressed with his collection of broken shells. . . but they spent the following five hours sitting on the pier talking and now they are awaiting their first baby.
If a woman get offended by telling her she is beautiful, move on....
Mar 17th 2014 new
There is no need for timing if the compliment is sincere. Sincere compliments should feel natural to express, even if you're a little nervous about expressing it. Don't over think it. Women want to feel respected and appreciated, just like men do. Our needs aren't that different, we just express them differently.

Personally, I love to be complimented (I think all women do, as do men). Don't assume she's complimented often or doesn't want/need to hear it. Everyone can appreciate words of affirmation. I've had many guys say they were nervous about complimenting me (or didn't feel the need to) because they were sure I got complimented all the time, that I didn't need to hear it because I should know, and/or that they didn't want it to seem like a line. They're always quite shocked to find that isn't the case at all.

If you feel it, say it. That being said there is a difference between being crude and complimentary. It's one thing to say "You're beautiful", it's quite another to say "I love your body, go home with me" (I've gotten that line before-that's a booty call request not a compliment). The first is far more effective!
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