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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
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I'm looking for convincing opinion about what to do, and how ladies should react. This is online dating, and I do send messages to many ladies at the same time. When I am really enjoying getting to know them, I like being able to ask for their phone number and talk to them on the phone. On my profile, I say I'm seeking friendship only, and I want to get to know them as friends, first. But, as I get to know them as friends, we are still getting to learn things about each other as if we were not only mere friends, while I do not consider them more than friends. Recently I told one that she was not the only girl I am getting to know, and that I have a personal, good, temporary reason for getting to know them all as only friends. This was hurtful to her. Therefore, since it was hurtful, and we are getting to know each other ALSO as if we were going to be more than friends right now, along with as if we are friends, is this a sign that my approach, which is getting to know and talking to more than one lady at the same time, is a wrong approach and I am wrong?

In summary- I'm getting to know more than one lady at the same time.

In my defense- I've clarified that I don't want to move beyond friends for a good, personal, temporary reason. I also, as online dating, make contact with many ladies, especially because I don't know who will respond, nor when, and I do not want to take forever to respond back to them if I'm only getting to know one at a time.

Why I might be wrong- it can hurt when a lady finds out that I'm talking to more than one, and I want to do my part to guard their hearts, but since the subjects we talk about are still the same we would talk about if we were getting to know each other as more than friends, I could be seen as leading on all the ladies that eventually I do NOT become more serious with.

Please discuss, and maybe convince me that my approach is wrong (and I don't think it is while online dating), OR, convince any lady that my approach is okay, and that even if it hurts her to know I'm talking to more than one, I am not wrong to approach this the way that I am when I've clarified that I want to be friends first.

Thank you in advance for responding to my serious question!
Mar 30th 2014 new
You're not married to any of them. You're young. You're seeking what is most compatible and learning about each other, as well as learning about yourself. You're honest about communicating with other women. I don't see a problem unless you're telling them all, "you're the only one for me."
Mar 30th 2014 new
(quote) Tricia-877261 said: You're not married to any of them. You're young. You're seeking what is most compatible and learning about each other, as well as learning about yourself. You're honest about communicating with other women. I don't see a problem unless you're telling them all, "you're the only one for me."
I agree, Tricia. If you are up front about your intentions, then if they are hurt it would not be on you.
Mar 30th 2014 new
Correct me if I am wrong, but it appears from what you say, that you are trying to locate a lady who would be a good mate for you when your temporary issue expires. Right?

I think conversations tend to be different in content when we are only seeking friendship than when we are seeking a compatible mate. Just labeling it friendship doesn't make it so if you are really delving into more intimate areas of a person's soul. When someone bares their soul to you they are trusting you with that and expecting some loyalty from you. And when you bare your soul to them you have started to create a mutual bond between you.

If you are only seeking friendship, then I would recommend that you try to keep a measure of detachment. Use messages rather than voice or F2F. Don't talk every single day. Get involved in the forums where what you say is public and not just private to a particular person. Don't let your conversations get too intimate. That's my take on it, anyway.
Mar 30th 2014 new
Thanks for the quick responses already! Yes, Virginia, in my profile, a lady told me this was a good thing to put, I write under ideal match, "***While my profile says "Seeking Friendship Only," that is a temporary status and I still would enjoy getting to know any prospective future wife as a friend right now :-).***"
Mar 30th 2014 new
(quote) Tony-1031677 said: Thanks for the quick responses already! Yes, Virginia, in my profile, a lady told me this was a good thing to put, I write under ideal match, "***While my profile says "Seeking Friendship Only," that is a temporary status and I still would enjoy getting to know any prospective future wife as a friend right now :-).***"
Well, then the trick for you is how to be just a friend and not act like a wife-hunter!
Mar 30th 2014 new
I tend to agree with what has already been stated. As long as you are letting them know your intentions and not leading them on, I think this is a good forum for learning about a variety of different people. As you stated in your question, you never really know who will respond and who you actually end up connecting with. I believe that there does need to be the transition to more personal methods of communication, including phone calls/texts, and I guess I would say that might indicate a higher level of interest. Hope that helps!

Mar 30th 2014 new
Well, with your great profile, good looks, ...PLUS, you're a cat lover!! ... I would be shocked if you weren't communicating with 5 or more young ladies! wink

As long as you are honest about your intentions from the beginning, I see nothing wrong with getting to know several "friends" at the same time. I think most of us wish we had your problem. thumbsup
Mar 30th 2014 new
(quote) Tony-1031677 said: In my defense- I've clarified that I don't want to move beyond friends for a good, personal, temporary reason.






Tony,

Thank you for being honest and forthright with your intentions in your profile (I assume it is as you have stated because I have not checked). Honesty is one of the top priorities in my book. As far as I'm concerned, anything is OK as long as you are being honest and not leading anyone on. It is then up to them if they accept the situation or not. You've done the honorable thing by being honest.
Mar 30th 2014 new
Hi Tony. I do not see anything wrong with you messaging or getting to know others provided that from the start of your interaction/communication you be blunt/ honest about your intentions of just being friends (no attachment, commitment, expectations) and if she/they agree and with mutual consent then go on with it. To add too, just do not lead her/them on, do not give false hopes so no expectations, no further emotional attachment or hurting her/them. The moment you feel differently to any of one of them just be truthful be fair tell her/them. And that is the time you choose the one you intend to have relationship with then make it exclusive.
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