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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

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After reading the blog Just Kiss Him I was wondering is it the man's job or the woman's job to initiate the relationship? I know of relationships where the woman showed interest and pursued the man and it did not work out. What do you think? Does it matter who starts the relationship? Is initiating the relationship the same as pursuing?
Mar 30th 2014 new
I have wondered this many times
Mar 30th 2014 new
A relationship requires 2 willing participants, or it isn't a relationship. It's both of their "jobs" to initiate it. Otherwise, you have a relationship of one which is guaranteed to fail. Waiting to be found is a surefire to find yourself as a member of the "CM 20/10/0 Club" (20 renewals over 10 years and "0" to show for it). Don't get me wrong. I'm all for tradition, but we don't live in that world anymore. Traditional practices are all but nonexistent and traditional values are becoming an endangered species more by the day. It's an unpleasant reality, but it's still reality. Too many women these days are more than willing to put themselves out there for those who are sitting on their hands waiting to be found to stand much of a chance.

Who make up the far majority of the success stories on this site? The proactive and those whose pursuit didn't include 650 non-negotiable standards.


theheart
Mar 30th 2014 new
View a guy''s profile, take his interview, like one of his pictures, or make a simple remark about a comment he wrote in a forum, and leave it at that. If he is interested, he will pursue.

You want to make yourself noticed, because it is very possible that the guy simply doesn''t know you exist. Put yourself on his radar, and let it be.

I would also add that if he is not interested and he is over 25 years old, I think it is safe to say that it is not because he is shy and might need some prodding.


It''s been a contentious subject in the forums in the past, but I do think it is for the benefit of the woman that the man should do the pursuing. I think there are more stories where the women extended themselves to men who really weren''t interested to begin with, than of men who vigorously pursued women only to shrug their shoulders at the end and simply walk away.

There are members here who will tell you the opposite and they will give you their contrary opinions (in mild blasts) in due time.


Mar 30th 2014 new
In general, I'd wait for the man to initiate if by initiating you mean asking for a date or advancing a dating relationship. If you mean sending an email or emotigram, then either person can do that. That's pretty much accepted in the online dating world.

There are always exceptions. For example, an outgoing, assertive woman who is attracted to quiet guys might be quite successful with taking the lead.

If the gender roles are going to flip, however, women will have to get used to rejection. They'll experience a lot of it, just like men do.
Mar 30th 2014 new
I wonder of the success stories here on CM who was the one who pursued the most men or women? I don't mean the one who first made contact but the one who pursued?
Mar 30th 2014 new
(quote) Susan-1052565 said: If you mean sending an email or emotigram, then either person can do that. That's pretty much accepted in the online dating world.
Susan is absolutely right! It doesn't matter who makes the first contact on an online singles website. Most people like their current area and only search in an area XX miles away. For example, I limit my searches geographically to the Midwest states, as I prefer to stay in the Midwest. This does not mean that I am opposed to meeting someone further away, but since this is outside my normal geographical range, it really helps if someone notices my profile and contacts me. Otherwise, I will not even know she exists. Since I am active on the forums, I do notice other forum posters too.

I agree with Victor too when he touched on the issue of our long lists of requirements (a/k/a deal breakers). We truly need to give people a chance. Would it really hurt to get to know someone who didn't tick off every item on our wish list? I've crossed off quite a few items on my list... and I'm still working on it. I hope everyone joins me in this endeavor.
Mar 30th 2014 new
(quote) Kathy-730470 said: I wonder of the success stories here on CM who was the one who pursued the most men or women? I don't mean the one who first made contact but the one who pursued?
I'm quite familiar with one success story (Moderator Donna is a friend). I absolutely KNOW that Larry pursued her. I'd like to add that it was wonderful to celebrate with them at their wedding clap
Mar 30th 2014 new
(quote) Rob-362135 said: I'm quite familiar with one success story (Moderator Donna is a friend). I absolutely KNOW that Larry pursued her. I'd like to add that it was wonderful to celebrate with them at their wedding
That is nice to know Rob. My belief and it is my belief only but I think men should be the ones to pursue :)
Mar 30th 2014 new
(quote) Kathy-730470 said: My belief and it is my belief only but I think men should be the ones to pursue :)
Meanwhile, while you're waiting to be "found" and pursued, those whom you would consider to be good suitors are pursuing those who have stepped-up and made themselves and their interests known. It's not that these men aren't pursuing, it's that these men are pursuing what they consider to be more of a sure thing rather than continuously chasing rainbows for a pot of gold that is never there.




theheart



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