(quote) Steven-381635 said: So I have been doing a lot of thinking and think that it is time for me to quit, not just CM, but also dating in general. I think that based on my past experiences I have to come to terms with what is actuality. I have posted about this before and because of the encouragement that I received, I continued to try to find someone. I am not blaming those that encouraged me. I believe that they did what they thought was right and that they were trying to help me. I do think that me attempting again in retrospect was folly, perhaps bordering on stupidity, Eisenstein's definition of stupid was trying the same thing and believing that you could have a different result. As my experiences have taught me dating or trying to date lead to the same result, absence of a relationship and unhappiness. Therefore the logical conclusion would be not to date. I know in addition to myself others have posted on this forum expressing the same thing and I completely agree with them. Everyone says, oh there is someone out there for you, you simply haven't found them yet. Or its not you its me, or I think we could only be friends. Actually once instead of someone politely declining when I asked them out, they simply said, F**&^* No! Needless to say I think I have been a good soldier and kept it up, now I think that it is time to retire and to say, I just need to except certain facts, and leave it be and concentrate on other things. To the others out there on CM let me say that there are many people in the world, but not everyone is married, and not everyone will get married. Therefore, a logical conclusion is that you and I may not get married, and therefore should accept that fact. As when you accept that fact it would probably be better than holding out hope that you will.
I think that after awhile of trying there is just a point where you have to say enough is enough and stop, no matter how painful it can be. The only hard part is accepting it, as the heart wants it but the mind understands that it can't happen. I know that my subscription ends next month and that after 3 years of being on CM I have went out on dates for 4 months with one women and three dates with another. and 1 date each with two women on Match.com and for that website I had a subscription for 18 months. So needless to say it hasn't gone well.
I am not looking for a pity party or offers of 'it will get better' or 'hang in there' I am simply saying that I am done with this, and think there are other people on this site that feel that way too that have voiced it and some who feel that way but won't say it as they want to hold out hope. I day don't accept the reality, as that it what I am trying to do I am just having a hard time doing it. I am confident I will succeed though, I have to accept reality as I do not want to live and believe in fiction.
The desire of the heart is to marry (for most). We were made to "mate" not to "date." The pain you feel in your heart is the one of rejection, that your desires are not matching up with reality.
I too am in that place, and my spiritual director advised me to get off the dating sites (I had a LOT of activity on another site, but the quality of men was lacking). I have changed my status here to friendship only because I enjoy the forums and connecting with people. So if you feel a need to withdraw for a while, then do so, knowing that God knows your heart AND His plan for you and I promise you, the Father, the God who created you HAS a plan for you. All you have to do is seek Him and your path will begin to open before you.
In the mean time, find ways to do things for others, it is a balm to the soul.
Hugs and blessings