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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

So I have been doing a lot of thinking and think that it is time for me to quit, not just CM, but also dating in general. I think that based on my past experiences I have to come to terms with what is actuality. I have posted about this before and because of the encouragement that I received, I continued to try to find someone. I am not blaming those that encouraged me. I believe that they did what they thought was right and that they were trying to help me. I do think that me attempting again in retrospect was folly, perhaps bordering on stupidity, Eisenstein's definition of stupid was trying the same thing and believing that you could have a different result. As my experiences have taught me dating or trying to date lead to the same result, absence of a relationship and unhappiness. Therefore the logical conclusion would be not to date. I know in addition to myself others have posted on this forum expressing the same thing and I completely agree with them. Everyone says, oh there is someone out there for you, you simply haven't found them yet. Or its not you its me, or I think we could only be friends. Actually once instead of someone politely declining when I asked them out, they simply said, F**&^* No! Needless to say I think I have been a good soldier and kept it up, now I think that it is time to retire and to say, I just need to except certain facts, and leave it be and concentrate on other things. To the others out there on CM let me say that there are many people in the world, but not everyone is married, and not everyone will get married. Therefore, a logical conclusion is that you and I may not get married, and therefore should accept that fact. As when you accept that fact it would probably be better than holding out hope that you will.
I think that after awhile of trying there is just a point where you have to say enough is enough and stop, no matter how painful it can be. The only hard part is accepting it, as the heart wants it but the mind understands that it can't happen. I know that my subscription ends next month and that after 3 years of being on CM I have went out on dates for 4 months with one women and three dates with another. and 1 date each with two women on Match.com and for that website I had a subscription for 18 months. So needless to say it hasn't gone well.
I am not looking for a pity party or offers of 'it will get better' or 'hang in there' I am simply saying that I am done with this, and think there are other people on this site that feel that way too that have voiced it and some who feel that way but won't say it as they want to hold out hope. I day don't accept the reality, as that it what I am trying to do I am just having a hard time doing it. I am confident I will succeed though, I have to accept reality as I do not want to live and believe in fiction.
Apr 5th 2014 new

Hi Steven,

I hope you will disregard my age... being old enough to be your mother... smile A thought that comes from what you are describing, I might use the word "rut", or "being in a rut". Sometimes when I feel I've hit dead ends in life, tried everything, and can't think of what else to do...one thing I've done is gone and read all kinds of things on the subject, even opinions I might not agree with and then somehow little by little a path opens up again in front of me. I don't know if you enjoy reading at all but I'm sure you know there is a lot out there on the subject of dating and other related topics, with and without Catholic content. (Public library is a good place to go so you don't have to purchase too much stuff)

Anyway, I just thought I'd share that.

Amelia



Apr 5th 2014 new
I have and I do quite often, when I am not reading for school. I have tried self help, books books on women. I even read four different books on body language. I have changed my appearance, I lost 70lbs and go to the gym three times a week. I have kept trying to change myself and change myself. It is to the point where it doesn't matter how I change the outcome will be the same. So the end point, being in a relationship, cannot happen.
Apr 5th 2014 new
well again, being a bit older, not trying to flirt, I only date older guys with grey hair and beer bellies. You are a handsome guy so don't worry about that aspect.
Apr 5th 2014 new
Amelia, do not drop your standards laughing laughing laughing
Apr 5th 2014 new
(quote) Steven-381635 said: So I have been doing a lot of thinking and think that it is time for me to quit, not just CM, but also dating in general. I think that based on my past experiences I have to come to terms with what is actuality. I have posted about this before and because of the encouragement that I received, I continued to try to find someone. I am not blaming those that encouraged me. I believe that they did what they thought was right and that they were trying to help me. I do think that me attempting again in retrospect was folly, perhaps bordering on stupidity, Eisenstein's definition of stupid was trying the same thing and believing that you could have a different result. As my experiences have taught me dating or trying to date lead to the same result, absence of a relationship and unhappiness. Therefore the logical conclusion would be not to date. I know in addition to myself others have posted on this forum expressing the same thing and I completely agree with them. Everyone says, oh there is someone out there for you, you simply haven't found them yet. Or its not you its me, or I think we could only be friends. Actually once instead of someone politely declining when I asked them out, they simply said, F**&^* No! Needless to say I think I have been a good soldier and kept it up, now I think that it is time to retire and to say, I just need to except certain facts, and leave it be and concentrate on other things. To the others out there on CM let me say that there are many people in the world, but not everyone is married, and not everyone will get married. Therefore, a logical conclusion is that you and I may not get married, and therefore should accept that fact. As when you accept that fact it would probably be better than holding out hope that you will.
I think that after awhile of trying there is just a point where you have to say enough is enough and stop, no matter how painful it can be. The only hard part is accepting it, as the heart wants it but the mind understands that it can't happen. I know that my subscription ends next month and that after 3 years of being on CM I have went out on dates for 4 months with one women and three dates with another. and 1 date each with two women on Match.com and for that website I had a subscription for 18 months. So needless to say it hasn't gone well.
I am not looking for a pity party or offers of 'it will get better' or 'hang in there' I am simply saying that I am done with this, and think there are other people on this site that feel that way too that have voiced it and some who feel that way but won't say it as they want to hold out hope. I day don't accept the reality, as that it what I am trying to do I am just having a hard time doing it. I am confident I will succeed though, I have to accept reality as I do not want to live and believe in fiction.
The desire of the heart is to marry (for most). We were made to "mate" not to "date." The pain you feel in your heart is the one of rejection, that your desires are not matching up with reality.

I too am in that place, and my spiritual director advised me to get off the dating sites (I had a LOT of activity on another site, but the quality of men was lacking). I have changed my status here to friendship only because I enjoy the forums and connecting with people. So if you feel a need to withdraw for a while, then do so, knowing that God knows your heart AND His plan for you and I promise you, the Father, the God who created you HAS a plan for you. All you have to do is seek Him and your path will begin to open before you.

In the mean time, find ways to do things for others, it is a balm to the soul.

Hugs and blessings

Joanna
Apr 5th 2014 new
May I suggest that you just go about simply living your life and enjoying each day? When your focus is on what you have in your life, rather than what you lack, it's amazing how much more you attract.
Apr 5th 2014 new
you are very young and have a lot of time to figure what you want and make changes to better yourself, if needed. Plus the person for you, may not be ready anyway- though you have to continue to do your part, if you wish. A lot of people say this is another way to meet others and could be true but I don't necesarily agree. If the person is not moving things offline after a few emails, false intimacy forms and that happens too prevalent around here, which holds a person back in their life a lot after repeated times of occurence. But I am finding this is a problem the women are having.
Apr 5th 2014 new
nicely put, Joanna.
Apr 5th 2014 new
Cathy - laughing laughing laughing ok well he doesn't have to have a beer belly or hair as long he can keep up with me on the track (I don't really run that fast) smile

...thinking back to Steven's age and younger...one thing is being aware of what attracts you and how that is fueled, starting out maybe just as a spark...it's something that takes time to learn. Actually one of my all time favorite books on the subject is "Love and Responsibility". One of my favorite points he talks about is how the sexual feelings between a man and a woman are the "raw material" to assist in the building up of the whole relationship. The name of this site, Catholic "Match" is brilliant if you think of it as an actual match as in flame, not as in "we like the same kind of music, food and have the same favorite Saints". There has to be a spark lit in your heart for the other person...and it has to catch fire with theirs. Then letting that fuel every good thing you do for the other person and of course including concern for their soul. And then letting those powerful feelings + our Catholic faith shape the relationship.

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