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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
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Apr 6th 2014 new
(quote) Victor-544727 said: Now that I got my opinion out of the way in my last post, I'll offer you one piece of advice:

If you want to know what makes a relationship not work, talk to someone who's been divorced/annulled. They can tell you all day and twice on Sunday what doesn't work.

If you want to know what DOES work, talk to a widow/widower. They have much more to offer, as they've all been in relationships that ultimately served their Divine purpose. 99 out of 100 times, these are the people whose advice I seek. They've been where I seek to go and have realized the success that I hope to realize.

That's the only piece of advice I'm qualified to offer. Anything else would be nothing but an opinion.



Well said, Victor. thumbsup
Apr 6th 2014 new
(quote) Victor-544727 said: If you want to know what makes a relationship not work, talk to someone who's been divorced/annulled. They can tell you all day and twice on Sunday what doesn't work.

If you want to know what DOES work, talk to a widow/widower. They have much more to offer, as they've all been in relationships that ultimately served their Divine purpose. 99 out of 100 times, these are the people whose advice I seek. They've been where I seek to go and have realized the success that I hope to realize.




Wait. What? Regarding annulments, when one's marriage is annulled it means that the Church recognizes that there was no sacramental marriage there in the first place. And if the other spouse was the one who wanted the divorce, there isn't anything you can do to keep the marriage intact so you divorce. I knew that my marriage wasn't a sacramental one the first year we were married but we managed to stay together for 13 years
Apr 6th 2014 new
(quote) Diane-1049865 said: Wait. What? Regarding annulments, when one's marriage is annulled it means that the Church recognizes that there was no sacramental marriage there in the first place. And if the other spouse was the one who wanted the divorce, there isn't anything you can do to keep the marriage intact so you divorce. I knew that my marriage wasn't a sacramental one the first year we were married but we managed to stay together for 13 years
All Victor was saying, was that when someone has been through a breakup in their marriage, by their experience they have some insights into the reasons why marriages break up. I know I have my list of what I should have seen as red flags the first time.

Interestingly, I really fit into the divorced group for Victor's example. But, I never sought an annulment, so when my ex passed away, I became a widow.

So the divorced can usually tell you "what NOT to do," and the widowed "what TO do." Both can be helpful.
Apr 6th 2014 new
I'm not sure if this is truly "good" advice... but a CM friend who is now a CM "success story" said this to me as she & her husband were leaving an outing at my house... "Just Pick One!" This was said after a Sunday discussion after brunch where we have some wonderful conversations. This talk was some version of how to make it work once you meet someone. Her advice was geared toward me (and the other men on CM), with the assumption we're not truly pursuing (from my perspective).

Well I thought about this quite a bit, and even asked for input on a FB Catholic group (mostly singles) to which I belong. I asked if it was just that simple... "Just Pick One?" As you can imagine the responses were on both sides (yes and no)...

Turns out, I still haven't figured our this advice. Any thoughts forum posters? Is this good advice or not? scratchchin
Apr 6th 2014 new
(quote) Rob-362135 said: Turns out, I still haven't figured our this advice. Any thoughts forum posters? Is this good advice or not?
correction: I still haven't figured OUT this advice. ashamed
Apr 6th 2014 new
(quote) Rob-362135 said: I'm not sure if this is truly "good" advice... but a CM friend who is now a CM "success story" said this to me as she & her husband were leaving an outing at my house... "Just Pick One!" This was said after a Sunday discussion after brunch where we have some wonderful conversations. This talk was some version of how to make it work once you meet someone. Her advice was geared toward me (and the other men on CM), with the assumption we're not truly pursuing (from my perspective).

Well I thought about this quite a bit, and even asked for input on a FB Catholic group (mostly singles) to which I belong. I asked if it was just that simple... "Just Pick One?" As you can imagine the responses were on both sides (yes and no)...

Turns out, I still haven't figured our this advice. Any thoughts forum posters? Is this good advice or not?
Eeney meeney miney moe... eyepopping
Apr 6th 2014 new
The best advice I received in dating is to be patient & forgiving. There is no such thing as a perfect relationship.
Apr 6th 2014 new
Awesome responses everyone. Keep em coming!:) biggrin
Apr 6th 2014 new
(quote) Virginia-1026653 said: All Victor was saying, was that when someone has been through a breakup in their marriage, by their experience they have some insights into the reasons why marriages break up. I know I have my list of what I should have seen as red flags the first time.

Interestingly, I really fit into the divorced group for Victor's example. But, I never sought an annulment, so when my ex passed away, I became a widow.

So the divorced can usually tell you "what NOT to do," and the widowed "what TO do." Both can be helpful.
I was just trying to point out that, just because one had an annulment, that doesn't mean they don't know how to make a marriage successful as the widowed supposedly does. Lots of times, people stay in bad marriages until one of the spouses die.
Apr 6th 2014 new
(quote) Rob-362135 said: I'm not sure if this is truly "good" advice... but a CM friend who is now a CM "success story" said this to me as she & her husband were leaving an outing at my house... "Just Pick One!" This was said after a Sunday discussion after brunch where we have some wonderful conversations. This talk was some version of how to make it work once you meet someone. Her advice was geared toward me (and the other men on CM), with the assumption we're not truly pursuing (from my perspective).

Well I thought about this quite a bit, and even asked for input on a FB Catholic group (mostly singles) to which I belong. I asked if it was just that simple... "Just Pick One?" As you can imagine the responses were on both sides (yes and no)...

Turns out, I still haven't figured our this advice. Any thoughts forum posters? Is this good advice or not?
The online environment, for better or worse, tends to foster a much different personal attitude than what we would perhaps have in most real world situations. In the real world, most of us wouldn't tolerate a smidgen of what we tolerate in this environment.

Ask yourself this...

In the real world, would you juggle 30 women at once until you felt like choosing one? Of course not. You wouldn't want the headache nor would you want to show a level of respect towards the women that most would consider to be indecent.

In the real world, how long do you think those same women would stick around when they found out that they were one of 30? You'd be considered a "pig" and a "player". Women would be called even worse than that!

That's the real world. Yet, when we come into this environment, all of a sudden, all boundaries of common respect seem to get thrown out the window and we develop something of a smorgasbord mentality toward the opposite sex. - something that we would never consider doing in the real world.

As for me, I talk to many. However, I limit my "communicating" to only one at a time. Personally, for me, it's a matter of respect, whether she's aware of it or not. I've never in my life juggled women around like disposable commodities and I've never allowed anyone to do it to me. It goes against my values and violates my sense of common decency. And I refuse to allow this environment to change me, regardless of its outcome.

Pax
theheart
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